IBS Self Help and Support Group Forums - IBSgroup.org: This is supposed to be my time Damn it! - IBS Self Help and Support Group Forums - IBSgroup.org

Sorry the last post was from september but I had't published, it seemed weird having to do so from my phone. So went to see the college counsillor today- but she said we couldn't have an appoinment, leaving her office I went to the toilet to breathe- just escape the busy corridors and calm down- went into a panic attack in the loo- nearly calmed down the bell went and i considered staying in the bathroom till lunch was over, but got myself together and left with my head held high- people's comments before I entered the loo were what sent me off. It irritates me how it is not recognised that a comment can affect some one. It has come full circle again, I went to college last year and lost the faith and hope to go- same this year- decided to simply ask my teachers for my work and study from home. I wanted a new start to work sooo much, it is kinda painful.
It would be nice to go out with your friends and not worry about your consumption- fizzy drinks, pizza y'know. We all went to see a film the other day- but the stress I was feeling affected my enjoyment- transport was horrible- nightime -had no idea where i was- then worried about the stress and ibs- nightmare- never again. By the way I told my best friends about the ibs, they were totally cool with it- they said they hadn't noticed- but i'm not sure if they said that to make me feel better. Right now we are applying for uni all I ever wanted to do was become a journalist, now I don't know if that goal will ever be reached. I could write pieces from home but I have to do the course first- the enviroment is stressful at uni- it is said in all the descriptions-newsroom pressureetc . I am thinking of taking a gap year getting some counselling and behavioural therapy and if that works out- I could find a job and save some money for that holiday I so need and want- never been on one, also put some cash aside for uni. It is so frustrating when you know what you want to do but you are handicapped by your own self- others you can fight against but not yourself. I am trying my best, but trying is stressful and makes me more anxious and panicky- the harder I try the more it hurts. I hate taking tablets- at certain times- waiting to eat when you are hungry- "no eat with out me" or "leave me some- i'll eat later" my common phrases to friends and family everyday.
Glad this here don't know what i'd do- it is so hard to talk to other- it is good to get it off my chest.
*Sighs sadly and longingly*