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Pity party for 1 please

Posted by Gena , 05 April 2012 · 422 views

So as I have mentioned, I am on my period and with that comes a wave of emotions for no apparent reason. Now, one thing you need to know about me is that I don't like feeling vulnerable, so I often hide my emotions with a very good poker face, which I assume most sufferers have in order to go through every day life with out nagging questions or random stares every time we get a flare up in a public place, but, it seems as though everyone around me knows it's around that time and they like to tell me little bits of information that will send me over the edge. It's like a version of punk'd: "We are about to tell Gena that there really is no Santa. Let's see if this will make her cry. hehehe" and most often I can hold it in, maybe some sniffles will occur or I'll just get super quiet or something will happen.
Another little bit of info. Unfortunately, my periods last weeks and weeks on end and a lot of the time when I am venting on this blog, I am on it bc I tend to ignore normal day-to-day ####; I know who to expect it from, how to avoid it, and how to get along with my day so there is no need to vent about it. It is just for this period of time that I cannot handle it.
It just so happens that one of my other medical conditions decided to go bat sh*t crazy all of a sudden leaving me pretty much chained to a bed. Mind you, it isn't even my bed! So I cannot really vent or relax in the ways I would normally do and it seems the worse the condition gets, the more ppl like to mess with me and now, it feels like it is EVERYONE. I am so fed up with this game that has no other targets that I am about to say "screw it all, I'm out"
The sad part is, ppl aren't even aware of what they are doing to me. I guess they assume that since I don't normally cry and can dish out jokes that I am not so sensitive but they don't know that I am slowly starting to hate everyone, at least until this terrible pain and unending emotional roller coaster is over.

But, I still cling to the hope that one day I will be able to overcome this obstacle and will look back on all of this and laugh. Hopefully by that point I will be virtually pain free and tear free.
Until then, I may need to carry around a box of tissues..... or a joke book to make it seem like I was just laughing hysterically to tears. I'd rather look crazy than actually be seen that way.

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