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It was going so well...until it plummeted.

Posted by fantasywriter24 , 04 May 2012 · 70 views

This has been my first post in a few months. After the colonoscopy I got in January I started to feel better little by little. Never quite understood why it was, but i was just happy it was finally getting better. At one point I hit the point were i didnt have an ibs attack in over 3 weeks(normally i have one ever 3 or 4 days, at my worst i have two a day) and then it came crashing down. A few weeks ago i got sick with the stomach flu, which completely flew my stomach off balance. Since that day i have had at least 1 ibs attack per day, with immense nausea and pain 24/7. And the stress that i havent felt in months is coming back as well. For the first time in motnhs im freaking out about getting on theschool bus everyday.Ive also become afraid ofsinging at church(expecially this weekend because im having to sing somewhere ive never been before with no exit strategy in place for if i feel sick(aka how and where to go if it happens and i start to get immense amount of pain. ). for instance im afraid this weekend that i will get up their adn be in pain and have to suffer through it because i have no way of letting my director know hat is wrong and dont have the guts to get up and leave in front of everyone without my director knowing why. this is why we have the exit stratedgy at my actual church. I tried emailing my director with no luck and tomarow we wont have enough time to talk about an exit statedgy or my problems which doesnt help either. ive just become so afraid of going into an attack when i cant get to a bathroom(such as church,a car, a bus). that its causing me to be terrified and scared. and i hate it. I hate being so afraid

MellyBelly

Jul 05 2012 02:07 PM

I can understand your frustrations with that. I have the same paranoia about going places. I'm 25 and my job is at least 30-40 mins from my house. The problem is, being in a car for that amount of time means there's no way for me to use a bathroom in case of an emergency. My attacks happen so quickly, there isn't any time for figuring things out last minute. Usually I scope out rest areas and keep them in mind, but my travel to work is all highway with major construction and detours causing an escape to be almost impossible. Every morning that I get up, I have to literally pray that I don't get sick on the way to work. Unfortunately, it still happens. Suffering through that type of pain while driving is one of the worst things I've ever experienced. I think the only thing we can do is take it as it comes. Try to do what we can prior to a big event like singing on stage or traveling, by being prepared for the worst. I've had times where I was up in front of folks and I had an attack. I talked to myself in my head to try and calm down and kindly excused myself. People don't understand how it is unless they've been through it. Ultimately you have to make the decision for yourself whether to try and tough it out or excuse yourself. Honestly, no one can be mad at you. Make an escape plan prior to performing and if all else fails do what you have to do. If you can tough it out, great. If not, I'm sure they will understand.