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Been quite a while since I last posted. Sad to say, I am still smelly like before. But I really don't know if I am even thinking straight nowadays. The last few days, I have been pondering on my own life, and also made comparison of what I am going through to others. It seem to bring me to my lowest point, when I realize that I could not enjoy/live my life to the fullest as the others.
I am getting more and more depressed. As the title had stated, by now some of you had realize, I had some thoughts of suicide.
But the thing was that it just somehow creeps through my mind. I had no idea when it started, soft of come and go. I was looking through the net, learning how making your body more alkaline, can leads to better health and also cure candida. That was when I started thinking of drinking bleach to cleanse my body. Now that I thought of it, it was really stupid. But to think that for the next few hours since that thought, I was surfing through the net researching on bleaches, and their effect on body.
What I never did realize at that time was that it will bring a painful death. But in my mind, Bleach=alkaline-------->drink it, make body alkaline= smell good. I was lucky to have my parent coming home at that time. It broke my chain of thought. I immediately saw what I was doing. I really have no idea why I am this way. I don't dare to go to the kitchen now, where all the cleansing liquid and bleach are kept. What's wrong with me now?
I really had changed, I never had such thought before. I am really afraid that I will lose my mind someday and drink the bleach. Am I going crazy?
Today, I leave my house early in the morning to go to the park. I really have to get away from places with chemical reagents. I took a walk of 5.6 km, and then sat at the park reading newspaper. At least, when I am in the public, should I do something stupid, there will be help nearby. I really couldn't imagine what could have happen if I had drunk the bleach that day.
I am getting more and more depressed. As the title had stated, by now some of you had realize, I had some thoughts of suicide.
But the thing was that it just somehow creeps through my mind. I had no idea when it started, soft of come and go. I was looking through the net, learning how making your body more alkaline, can leads to better health and also cure candida. That was when I started thinking of drinking bleach to cleanse my body. Now that I thought of it, it was really stupid. But to think that for the next few hours since that thought, I was surfing through the net researching on bleaches, and their effect on body.
What I never did realize at that time was that it will bring a painful death. But in my mind, Bleach=alkaline-------->drink it, make body alkaline= smell good. I was lucky to have my parent coming home at that time. It broke my chain of thought. I immediately saw what I was doing. I really have no idea why I am this way. I don't dare to go to the kitchen now, where all the cleansing liquid and bleach are kept. What's wrong with me now?
I really had changed, I never had such thought before. I am really afraid that I will lose my mind someday and drink the bleach. Am I going crazy?
Today, I leave my house early in the morning to go to the park. I really have to get away from places with chemical reagents. I took a walk of 5.6 km, and then sat at the park reading newspaper. At least, when I am in the public, should I do something stupid, there will be help nearby. I really couldn't imagine what could have happen if I had drunk the bleach that day.
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I almost did something stupid
on May 04 2009 07:08 AM
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