[minah]

So my ibs has been going on for about 4 years now, about halfway through high school it kicked in. I didn't even know i had it up until about a few months ago. I always thoguht i just farted alot and had a little more reactive bladder. But then it just go too annoying. Constant need to relive gas, diarrhea , constipation, its just a roller coaster of hell. I havn't told anyone yet, not my mom, brother, doctor, no one. Idk what to do. I miss class on multiple occasions because i know i cant sit through 3 1/2 hrs especially when i wake up everymorning feeling like i am going to have to take a bad diarrhea. I just want this to end, i never want to do anything social anymore ( i used to be EXTREMELY outgoing) , im scared to talk to girls because i feel like i will smell bad or have an accident or something. all i want is a girlfriend =(. but i could never be 1 on 1 with them without freakign out in my head, i also hate eating in public places because i always have to fart more and go to the bathroom more. Plus i never feel fully relieved and dont like to sit down after im done going to the bathroom, it just feels all wierd down there after i do. I am terrified to go to class but my family is always yelling at me to get my grades up (i kinda didnt do too hot my first semester but its because i dropped a class that i knew i couldnt sit through and now i have another one like that). my grandma is paying for my college and expects me to do well but its so hard and i always want to be alone and i am always running to the bathroom finding every excuse i can to go check myself. Idk what to do anymore this is becoming and been a living hell for me. I prayed for help even though i dont believe in god really and not religious at all (im agnostic) but i just want this to go away. im too scared to tell anyone i have it though. its so embarrassing. what do i do? please help guys. I literally just signed up to try and find help.


Edit: I also hear people or get the sense that people can smell something, i hate it so much, im constantly trying to hold in farts but sometimes they get out no matter how hard i try. god this sounds wierd to write...also i try so desperately to avoid drawing attention to myself....i hunch over in my char, rarely talk, i hate standing or sitting up straight because it just feels wierd too, down there and knowing im drawing more attention to myself....im starting to get a little hunch - nothign too big just a nerd back, but i want to stop this and fix my posture and just go back to being who i was ....idk...please help.