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How Does Your Anxiety Affect Your Spouses/SO's?
Started by
GailSusan
, Oct 27 2002 01:22 AM
9 replies to this topic
#1
GailSusan
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Posted 27 October 2002 - 01:22 AM
"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull." H.L. Mencken
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#2
kamie
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Posted 28 October 2002 - 06:36 AM
#3
zayaka
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Posted 28 October 2002 - 12:54 AM
Gail, just last night we were talking about this. I am lucky to have a guy as suportive as he is. I know I drive him crazy and he is not shy about telling me. We have made some arrangements: he manages his things and I take care of mine. This is because I would go crazy trying to solve my life and his. It works, even though sometimes I still feel the need to interfere in his things (bills, college stuff, his cats, etc.); then he tells me to back off and I do.I also drive him crazy with my stupid little manias. For example, I have to have my two shoes laced EXACTLY the same. 
If I do not I will tie and untie until I get them right. He just waits for me and other times he just keeps walking. We take it as a joke; there is no other way. Another one is that when he gets in my car I ask for him to lock the door. Lately he teases me and says he won't and we end up laughing about it. I like things done my way, I know I'm very stubborn. He knows it. But he is not that easily to get along with either.I say the key is to be open with each other; I have learned to tell him exactly how I feel and he does his best to understand. I not only make him go 
but my father as well.
If I do not I will tie and untie until I get them right. He just waits for me and other times he just keeps walking. We take it as a joke; there is no other way. Another one is that when he gets in my car I ask for him to lock the door. Lately he teases me and says he won't and we end up laughing about it. I like things done my way, I know I'm very stubborn. He knows it. But he is not that easily to get along with either.I say the key is to be open with each other; I have learned to tell him exactly how I feel and he does his best to understand. I not only make him go but my father as well.
#4
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Posted 27 October 2002 - 11:04 AM
No need to be sorry for venting here, Darren.Is it possible that it is the anxiety & depression that results from IBS that might be causing your problems rather than the IBS, itself? Even if all of the IBS symptoms cannot be totally controlled, there ARE ways to manage the anxiety and depression that result from the IBS.My husband has severe IBS-D. One of the things that happens when we travel (even short distances) is that he often becomes anxious over his IBS.... and we end up having to stop multiple times.......... he even hits cornfields when he has to... 
To help manage his anxiety over his urgency to find a place to "go".... we treat the situation both humorously and affectionately. That helps to dissolve much of the anxiety, and the result is that he makes fewer "cornfield runs".... This is personal, but when we are intimately engaged, he often experiences the trotts.... this is a huge source of stress for him (& sometimes a little frustrating for me 
) ... however.... I use his bathroom time to maintain my interest and when he returns, there is support, smiles and love. In other words, we don't allow the situations to get the best of us. We accept, address, manage and try to keep positive. So don't give up... realize that you can live with this, learn ways to temper the symptoms and accompanying anxiety/depression, and share a life with your significant other in as positive of an environment as possible.I guess what I am saying is that there are ways to approach your anxiety/depression issues over your situation by tempering it with behavioral health modifications. Such modifications can be achieved with one or more of the following treatments/therapies:Evaluation by a licensed health care practitioner or two or three... preferrably those who are familiar with IBS and its accompanying behavioral health issues.Cognitive Behavioral TherapyHypnotherapyBiofeedback therapyTalk TherapyChicken Soup For The Soul (smiling, hugging, supporting each other, knowing that the anxiety that propels the IBS can be managed)Hope this helps, Darren Warm Regards, Evie
To help manage his anxiety over his urgency to find a place to "go".... we treat the situation both humorously and affectionately. That helps to dissolve much of the anxiety, and the result is that he makes fewer "cornfield runs".... This is personal, but when we are intimately engaged, he often experiences the trotts.... this is a huge source of stress for him (& sometimes a little frustrating for me ) ... however.... I use his bathroom time to maintain my interest and when he returns, there is support, smiles and love. In other words, we don't allow the situations to get the best of us. We accept, address, manage and try to keep positive. So don't give up... realize that you can live with this, learn ways to temper the symptoms and accompanying anxiety/depression, and share a life with your significant other in as positive of an environment as possible.I guess what I am saying is that there are ways to approach your anxiety/depression issues over your situation by tempering it with behavioral health modifications. Such modifications can be achieved with one or more of the following treatments/therapies:Evaluation by a licensed health care practitioner or two or three... preferrably those who are familiar with IBS and its accompanying behavioral health issues.Cognitive Behavioral TherapyHypnotherapyBiofeedback therapyTalk TherapyChicken Soup For The Soul (smiling, hugging, supporting each other, knowing that the anxiety that propels the IBS can be managed)Hope this helps, Darren Warm Regards, Evie
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Posted 28 October 2002 - 11:19 PM
You guys are doing so great here that I don't think I can add anything of substance here except to extend my good wishes.Warmly, Evie
#6
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Posted 27 October 2002 - 05:13 PM
Good for you, Gail.... If it helps to know this, I once took Xanax.... you can even continue to take an anti-anxiety med like Xanax while you are getting used to taking an antidepressant. Also... It took me months before I could build up on a therapeutic dose of the medication.... I started off by literally shaving the end off of a tab of Zoloft 10 years ago... 
But I eventually was able to take a therapeutic dose and stayed on it for 5 years with good effects.After a few weeks (usually by 12 weeks on a therapeutic dose), you should notice a significant positive difference in your sleep. You may find you need to take medication in the morning rather than in the evening, depending on which class of antidepressant is prescribed for you. I now take Celexa in the morning and Trazadone at bedtime. I think I posted somewhere else on this forum that taking an antidepressant medication for the first time is often akin to putting on glasses for the first time in your life. I never knew that life could be so much better than it was... :love: Evie
But I eventually was able to take a therapeutic dose and stayed on it for 5 years with good effects.After a few weeks (usually by 12 weeks on a therapeutic dose), you should notice a significant positive difference in your sleep. You may find you need to take medication in the morning rather than in the evening, depending on which class of antidepressant is prescribed for you. I now take Celexa in the morning and Trazadone at bedtime. I think I posted somewhere else on this forum that taking an antidepressant medication for the first time is often akin to putting on glasses for the first time in your life. I never knew that life could be so much better than it was... :love: Evie
#7
kamie
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Posted 27 October 2002 - 01:50 AM
oh honey, Mr.Kamie would say take a pill sugar and chill and then when it all comes together in your head we'll go to bed and the future will look better in the morning.And in the morning after you have taken the edge off that anxiety is the time to listen to your tapes so your brain chatter will be still enough to listen.so take what you need in the moment and move from that place of momentary sanity into the space of colleced thought.One day at a time, one step at a time.Let your goals be for the whole to be healthy.Just don't break your neck trying.Hugs, hang in there.Your fiance must love you a lot.Do your best by treating yourself with the best personal care you need in the moment.Kamie
#8
darren king
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Posted 27 October 2002 - 09:32 AM
my anxiety has taken its toll on my relationship,my g/f was very suportive at first,but after 2 years of seeing me suffer,its almost split us up twice to the point of packing things,and several other close ones.i can see it from her side,she says my mood is constantly changing,that im a "grump", and that i dont talk to her like i use too,and she feels very alone most of the time.i do try,but dealing with all this IBS and GERD #### just seems never ease up,then trying to raise 5 kids {3 hers,2 mine} plus the finacial burden of meds for me and her both {she, and her oldest son has Torrets and is on very expesive meds} is draining us. i would love to be the good old happy go lucky guy i use to be,but i cant see that ever happening as long as i have to live with this ####,so eventually we will have to come to the realization that our relationship is doomed i guess,which is allways sad when kids are involved.hopefully we can make it through my 4 month wait to see a pain specialist, then maybe i can get something for this stress and anxiety,maybe that will help. sorry for rambling on and on.
#9
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Posted 27 October 2002 - 02:07 AM
Hi Gail,Have you ever tried an antidepressant instead of one of the benzodiazepines? If on the correct antidepressant for you, its effects on anxiety are more positive and long lasting. Also, when you are taking benzodiazepines such as Xanax, Valium... etc.... these medications actually prevent you from getting the kind of deep sleep that you really need... whereas antidepressants promote that kind of necessary deep restorative sleep.The first few hours of sleep are physically restorative. It's the last hours of sleep that are mentally restorative.What can I say about anxiety and the SO? He knows I have "potato and onion" days and still loves me.Warmly, Evie
#10
GailSusan
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Posted 27 October 2002 - 12:57 PM
Kamie, Thanks for the support and kind words. 
Evie, I've been seeing more and more about the treatment of anxiety with anti-depressants. It's something worth looking into. I'll talk to my doctor about it. Darren, You have a lot of stresses in your lives. Five kids and one with special needs! God bless you! That's a lot of pressure on a new relationship. It's really hard to focus on each others' needs under these circumstances. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you, but Evie came up with some good ideas.
Evie, I've been seeing more and more about the treatment of anxiety with anti-depressants. It's something worth looking into. I'll talk to my doctor about it. Darren, You have a lot of stresses in your lives. Five kids and one with special needs! God bless you! That's a lot of pressure on a new relationship. It's really hard to focus on each others' needs under these circumstances. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you, but Evie came up with some good ideas.
"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull." H.L. Mencken
