Posted 08 March 2005 - 04:23 PM
Well, first of all, I just discovered this site now and I already feel so much better just knowing that I am NOT ALONE. Because I feel that way...a lot.And this message may be long and I'm sorry for that, but I just feel like I have so much I need to get out to people who can relate with me becuase I've had this thing bottled up inside of me for so long!!I'm a senior in high school and school is so hard to deal with, I'm absent a lot and it's so hard to get through classes when my stomach is ripping apart and I have to run to the bathroom every five seconds.I've kept the fact that I have IBS-D from all my friends, which has been hard to do, and the only one who knows what's wrong with me is my family and my boyfriend (it took me a year and a half to admit what was wrong with me to him) and so most people just think I'm a hypochondriac. As lame as it is, I'd rather them criticize me for that than for the embarrassing truth.Sometimes I just get so upset that I can't be normal. The other night I was out with my boyfriend and some friends and they had to take me home because I got so sick...I just can't go out and have fun and be normal like everyone else and it's hard to deal with that fact. I haven't been on a field trip since 6th grade and traveling is horrible for me. I dread car rides or any place I am not totally accustomed to because I need to have access to a bathroom at all times.I get panic attacks and freak out if I don't know where the bathroom is or if I'm on a long car ride, which stinks, because I'd like to travel a little, and I love to sing, and singing involves traveling, which is pretty much impossible for me.It's just so hard to live this way. It's so dibilitating and yet to describe IBS to someone it sounds like a joke.Anyway, now my big concern is I'm accepted into a college about a half hour away from where I live, but because of the scholarship they gave me, I have to live on campus. Living with someone else in a tiny dorm room seems totally impossible to me. I want to go to college so badly and be involved in certain acitivies and just have a normal, enjoyable college life but I have this big, embarrassing problem in the way. I'm hoping I can just get up the nerve to let them know ahead of time what's wrong with me, so maybe my whole situation would be easier, but it's hard to admit something like this to complete strangers.Sorry I wrote so much...but it just feels so nice to finally get all this out...Does anyone else know how I feel??