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[collegegirl713]

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Hello. I have IBS with urgency, abdominal pain and sometimes flatulence, bloating and incomplete evacuation. I met a guy before all of the symptoms developed, we've been talking for a while and now we finally both have some free time to meet up for the first date. The only problem is that within the past two months I have been suffering from IBS. He's really a nice guy and I would love to hang out with him but I'm so afraid that something embarassing will happen. Does anyone have any tips on how they go through a date with this or developed a relationship despite the IBS? Thanks in advance for the advice.

[SJ1985]

Aw... Well, I've been in your situation and I've found the best way to deal with it really is to just say it.Now don't stop reading that post right there, let me explain...What I tend to say to people I meet, if I'm having trouble or if I turn down a drink they offer me or something is that "I have a stomach condition where the muscles can cramp up like crazy and leave me in a lot of pain, it's not that often but it's been bugging me a little lately". That's all they need to know really. From that point on they usually understand that I may need to go off to the toilet, stop eating, or even not eat at all and they usually understand it.It's particularly nice with a potential future relationship because the response gives you a good idea what to think of the person. If the person you're seeing is the kind of person who doesn't respond well to or understand such a health problem, then that's a good indicator that they may not be the right person for you.Take a couple of Immodium before you go out, too, that should ensure you don't have to rush off with uncontrollable D.Lucky for me, I'm a straight male, and girls tend to be quite understanding of IBS, but if he's a decent guy, I'm sure he'll appreciate that you have your "stomach condition", which, as you get to know him, you can let him know what it actually is, etc...I love my girlfriend more than the world (it's been a year and 3 months now!) and she's always been amazingly understanding about it, if ever I'm in pain she takes care of me, and if ever I have to spend half an hour in the bathroom, she's always checking on me to see if I'm okay, and when I come back out she's usually prepared a nice drink for me or something or put on a film I like to make me feel better.So, yeah... Don't worry. In a way your IBS could help you understand the kind of person the guy is.

[Cherrie]

Hi Collegegirl,SJ1985 and Sue have given GREAT advice! :-)And SJ's idea of what to actually say is a really really great one! With a potential boyfriend (or girldfriend in the case of a guy), it is important to be non-graphic but honest about it. If this guy is not understanding or supportive, then he's not the one, in which case it's best to stay away from whoever is not the one from the beginning -- everyone has their own little intricacies (even non-IBSers) so for the long haul, people who can't handle those are just not long-term-relationship matieral. It would be so stressful to try to keep our IBS from the person we love and prolly see everyday, and he may get frustrated wondering why you won't do this or that with him etc. And you know, your guy may just be a very understanding and caring person and will offer you so much support if you tell him in the way that SJ suggested. :(Best of luck and do keep us updated.Cherrie

[SJ1985]

Yeah, Sue and Cherrie are right as usual!It's funny, I often say "I have this condition where my Stomach cramps up" etc. and lately some folks will just respond with "Oh, is it IBS?" or in a few cases I've had people say "Oh I have IBS so I get that", heheh. It's not really that unknown or anything...Good people will understand and the way he deals with it is a good indicator for what to expect from him.Good luck, I hope you have a wonderful date and who knows what could happen!

[baz22p]

I just feel that I would like to add my feelings to you on this, but it's already been said!If you start by saying you have stomach/digestive issues, and they say "Oh yes, is it IBS?" say "Yes, but as it can be different for all IBS'ers, can you tell me what you know and understand by it".Anyone genuinely interested in you and your IBS will not be discouraged by this, and you will know if they are right for you. Plus, it can be a great conversation piece if you are bored and stuck for something to say!Don't be affraid of this senario. As Sue has pointed out, the vast majority of us (including me) have partners, and they love us for who we are, and accept any issues that we may have. Go for it, and the very best of luck!!!!

[collegegirl713]

I'm so glad I found this forum. All of you guys are wonderful!! You alll have given me some great advice. I agree, how he reacts will show if he truly is as nice and geniune as I think and hope he is. I was almost ready to never meet up with him but everyone's positive advice has given me hope and encouragement. I think we might meet up on Friday or Saturday. I don't want to go anywhere where I will have to eat something so I will try to go to the museum since he's said that he likes them and I do to. I will keep everyone posted. Hopefully with good news!

[baz22p]

Good luck, glad the advice has put you in a positive frame of mind (do not become a prisoner of IBS).Baz

[collegegirl713]

This is sort of an update. Because me and my friend's schedule kept conflicting we are finally meeting up this Thursday, Jan. 1st which happens to be the first day of the year! I'm hoping this will help me with my goal of a new start in the new year, getting back to enjoying life. Unfortunately we are meeting for lunch because the museums will be closed due to the holiday. But thankfully due to florastor my urgency, frequency, and leaky gas are gone. I'm still a little worried about my stomach cramping, but I think I can get through it. Thanks again for everyone's advice and hopefully I will post on Friday with good news.

[Cherrie]

That's wonderful that your IBS is under control now :(If you can, maybe take some peppermint with you to soothe the pain, just in case.Best of luck! Hope everything goes smoothly -- and keep us in the loop. Fingers crossed for you!

[baz22p]

May I, too, wish you the very best of luck - and of course, A HAPPY NEW YEAR!I'm pleased to hear you have part conquered your IBS; I hope the rest goes well for you.Baz

[collegegirl713]

Hey guys, Happy New Year! Well, I went on my lunch date today and I had a wonderful time. My stomach was cramping before I went but I took some alka seltzer and it actually helped it a little. The chemistry and conversation was so good that I forgot all about my stomach. I'm so glad that I was able to get through it and have fun. I think it might lead to a second date, who knows, it just feels good to go out and have fun. It's so ironic how I was so worried and it turned out to be the best first date I've been on. Thanks again guys for all the advice.

[Cherrie]

That's SOOO wonderful, Collegegirl!! So happy for you! Yay! :(Hope everything goes great from this point on! :)Cherrie xoxo

[baz22p]

Hey Collegegirl, what wonderful news! What a great start to the new year for you. I'm glad our wrds helped.Did you mention anything about your IBS?Whether you did or not, enjoy the moment - I hope you get many more.

[SJ1985]

Well done! I'm glad it went so well!Similiarly, I was very worried about my IBS playing up when I went to see The Lion King musical, but it was so good that it took my mind off of it and I hardly felt it. I guess feeling good calms the IBS eh?

[collegegirl713]

My ibs didn't come up, but if it happens to in the future I will definitely use your advice.