Coming to Terms with an Invisible Disability
Written by: M&M

 

In this age of self-awareness and pop psychology, a lot of terms get thrown around. One such phrase is “coming to terms” with something—perhaps a loss, a disappointment, a disease. We say that a lot, but do we really stop and think about what it means? Why should we “come to terms” with our disease? How do we go about it? What does that even mean?

 

 

I’m sure each person has their own specific understanding of what coming to terms with their illness means to them. Coming to terms with being disabled is a process of acceptance. It means accepting the fact that we are disabled, while still carrying on with our lives. It refers to the ability to still be happy, find contentment, and live a fulfilling life despite being disabled. For me, I suppose, it’s the opposite of feeling victimized, helpless, trapped, and bitter because of what has happened to my body.

 

 

I certainly don’t believe that there is some magic day that arrives, and on that day we simply say, “I’m going to be okay with my limitations from here on out.” If you’re disabled, you know that never happens. And if we keep waiting for that magic day to arrive, we’ll simply dry up and wither away!

 

Accepting a disability is 100 percent a conscious choice that each of us gets to make. We either decide to let our disability run (and ruin) our life, or to take that privilege of running our life upon ourselves. Granted, it’s certainly not something you do in a day, a week, a month, or a year. It’s a continual process, a decision we must make each and every day we wake up. It’s a lifestyle, really.

 

Some people hear that word “acceptance” and immediately recoil in disgust saying, “I will not give up and give in to my illness!” And to me, that is the complete opposite of what it means to accept and come to terms with a disability. It doesn’t mean giving in and deciding just to be okay with living as a lump the rest of our lives. Those same people who make that kind of comment are the people who refuse to understand that their bodies are now under different management (in a manner of speaking), and repeatedly run themselves into the ground, severely worsening their symptoms, and then feel embittered by the experience.

 

Accepting a disability is working hard to find the middle ground. It’s not giving up completely, but it’s also not stubbornly refusing to admit any limitations. People aren’t born with wings, yet I’ve never met anyone nursing a grudge because they’re unable to fly. In fact, such a person would be foolish. We aren’t discouraged or angry over that—in fact, we don’t give it a second thought. We simply check that box and move on with our lives. While it’s not quite so simple to accept new or changing limitations, it is surprisingly similar and still remains a very simple thing to do.

 

Coming to terms with an invisible disability involves admitting the limitations your body has and doing everything you can to properly live within those limitations. That may be as simple as taking all your prescribed medications each day, or laying down to take a break during the day to conserve energy, or even using the appropriate medical aids (such as a wheelchair, a walker, a cane, wrist or knee braces). It means being willing to do all you can reasonably do within your limitations and not pushing yourself beyond what you can reasonably do.

 

It’s also important not to develop what I call the “Superman (or Superwoman) complex.” You have to realize that you cannot do everything and be everything for everyone. Admit that sometimes you have to say no to people, including yourself, when asked to do something that pushes you beyond your limitations. You also have to be understanding with yourself when you have to say no, and focus on being thankful for what you are still able to do, rather than focusing on being disappointed and discouraged over what you can no longer do.

 

 

Ah yes, the crux of the issue. I think it’s important to accept our limitations because it allows us to get on with living. Instead of wasting time and energy being angry because we can’t walk like we used to, or dance like we used to, or sleep like we used to, or don’t even look like we used to, we allow ourselves to relish what’s left in our lives. We can use that energy in better pursuits instead of lamenting over our changing life situations.

 

Imagine a patient spends fifteen minutes a day angrily thinking about how they could jog five miles a day before they became disabled. In just one month, that patient has wasted 112 ½ hours of their time! That’s equivalent to just over 4 ½ days. Can you even imagine sitting down and just being angry all day and all night for over four days? You would be so depressed and miserable and just behind in life.... Could you even recover from such an ordeal? Doubtful.

 

Now imagine a patient who spends those same minutes, hours, and days doing something positive. By the end of a year, that patient will have spent 1,350 hours (56 ¼ days) making a difference in their life. That’s the equivalent to almost two whole months thinking positive thoughts. Imagine how recharged such a patient would feel—they have not only made a difference in their own life, but are so recharged and pumped that they are ready to make a difference in the lives of others.

 

Even though thinking positively about our disabilities won’t cure us, and probably won’t give us the energy to “change the world,” it will give us the energy to smile and be positive. Never underestimate the difference your smile and positive spirit can have on those around you. It can be a breath of fresh air in the lives of others, even though you may never know it.