Posted 24 March 2018 - 12:35 PM
Posted 21 December 2019 - 02:08 PM
I’ve had IBS since my early twenties, and my first two nasty flares happened shortly after my kids were born. I could claim that maybe they squished my guts and caused damage, or that their tummy infections were passed on to me and I succumbed to IBS because of it, but even if there were any truth in these beliefs if would not mean that either one of them purposefully set out to disrupt my life! I believe that your mother probably knows this, but is for some reason trying to make you feel guilty. There is no reason for you to feel that way. You are trying to help by suggesting that she stick to taking meds and eating properly, and that is commendable, but sadly sometimes nothing seems to help (I have a long list of drugs and supplements that doctors and other sufferers swore by that did nothing for me) and when one more new diet, new drug, and/or life-style change fails to help, someone with IBS might lash out at the folks who suggest those those things and defiantly eat nothing but Ben and Jerry’s ice cream because at least it tastes good going in, and perhaps that particular food you hid isn’t the trigger in the first place. (In my case, I apparently had a nasty bacteria in my digestive system and when I stumbled on an antibiotic that worked, most everything cleared up and I could eat whatever I wanted to. Unfortunately I now either have another bad bacteria or the antibiotic no longer works on it.) You need to tell her that you are sorry she is ill and want her to get better, but you did not set out to make her sick by your mere existence and refuse to take the blame, only you have to phrase it as “When you say I made you sick, it makes me feel depressed and down, because I would never hurt you on purpose.” The rest of it is up to her. If she has other people to vent to and suggest better eating strategies, that might improve things. Perhaps she needs to be on this forum or find a local self-help group. If you have to declare IBS off limits for discussion, then do it. It’s not worth wrecking your relationship with her over.