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[OpticPeak]

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My mom is 44 she was diagnosed with IBS at 26 in 2000(shortly after I was born). She has IBS D with frequent diarrhea, heartburn and excessive gas. Recently she has lost her job because of this and her antics as well. Instead of dealing with this first hand and admitting her misconduct the best way to cope is to blame me and try to get me down. At first I thought it was all in her head and just in a bad place but she has to literally bring it up every time we are in each others prescense. I am an only child she originally wanted to have more but could not because of me. She doesnt take meds and eats what ever she pleases. The food she eats is why she is having these flare ups she has a very poor diet I have attempted to hide it but she finds out and starts getting angry. I am considering moving out on my own very soon. Any parents with IBS or children with parents with IBS please help me and my mom I feel our relationship will collapse.

[kdlark]

I’ve had IBS since my early twenties, and my first two nasty flares happened shortly after my kids were born.  I could claim that maybe they squished my guts and caused damage, or that their tummy infections were passed on to me and I succumbed to IBS because of it, but even if there were any truth in these beliefs if would not mean that either one of them purposefully set out to disrupt my life!  I believe that your mother probably knows this, but is for some reason trying to make you feel guilty.  There is no reason for you to feel that way.  You are trying to help by suggesting that she stick to taking meds and eating properly, and that is commendable, but sadly sometimes nothing seems to help (I have a long list of drugs and supplements that doctors and other sufferers swore by that did nothing for me) and when one more new diet, new drug, and/or life-style change fails to help, someone with IBS might lash out at the folks who suggest those those things and defiantly eat nothing but Ben and Jerry’s ice cream because at least it tastes good going in, and perhaps that particular food you hid isn’t the trigger in the first place.  (In my case, I apparently had a nasty bacteria in my digestive system and when I stumbled on an antibiotic that worked, most everything cleared up and I could eat whatever I wanted to.  Unfortunately I now either have another bad bacteria or the antibiotic no longer works on it.)  You need to tell her that you are sorry she is ill and want her to get better, but you did not set out to make her sick by your mere existence and refuse to take the blame, only you have to phrase it as “When you say I made you sick, it makes me feel depressed and down, because I would never hurt you on purpose.”  The rest of it is up to her.  If she has other people to vent to and suggest better eating strategies, that might improve things.  Perhaps she needs to be on this forum or find a local self-help group.  If you have to declare IBS off limits for discussion, then do it.  It’s not worth wrecking your relationship with her over.