Posted 06 September 2020 - 02:11 AM
I distinctly remember crapping my pants last Labor Day at a red light after movie theater popcorn and soda. Yesterday Im at the laundromat and get that familiar crampy feeling. Think its probably a little gas. Try to ignore it. A few mins later its obvious I NEED to find a bathroom. Im thinking should I go home? Or to the convenient store next door? I get out of my car to squeeze my cheeks because its coming now. I pretend to play on my phone next to my car. I think I have a chance to walk quickly and make it. I made it. As Im pulling my pants down I realized I had a small accident. I get all upset thinking how did I not feel it coming or the wetness? I relinquish the rest in the toilet for a bit pure liquid. Take my underwear off and throw them out trash can in the stall. Check my pants they seem okay. I stay in the stall a bit thinking I might get a second wave. Boom its coming I made the 1 foot trip to the toilet pants down no accident this time. Toddler & Mom come in the kids says it stinks like poop in here. I laughed because it sure did. Shes trying to look underneath the stall. Im embarrassed hoping she doesnt see me. Mom yells at her. They leave Im still going for a while now probably 5 mins. I think Im done give it 2 extra mins wipe and clean up the best I can but still feel dirty. I walk out not realizing there was a line in the bathroom. Im trying to get to the sink and not reveal I have my own crap on my hand. All while 2 woman stand there in my way. I say excuse me and do the best I can without using that hand to touch anything but clean it. I get out think I better just head home and clean up better. I did just that left my laundry to wash changed my clothes used baby wipes to clean up my bottom. Took my sweat pants off because they did actually have crap on them I didnt see. Went to finish my laundry felt okay but very anxious I might get another wave of D. Finished laundry successfully. Later that evening I can tell I have to go to the bathroom but its not totally urgent. I get up to go anyways after the day I had. As Im getting up again I had an accident. This one isnt a little one. All I did was stand up and crap literally let loose. Im crying upset because I havent had any major issues like this in months. I always had major cramps to warn me. This time absolutely nothing but a sense I should go to the bathroom. My partner could hear me crying. She comes in while Im still on the toilet. Shes all calm and says whats wrong? I said I had 2 accidents today. The first one I sort of had a warning this one I had almost zero reason to believe Id crap myself. I stood up and I crapped my pants. Im crying shes like how can I help. I said actually I need to clean up and take a shower alone. Im not complaining because I have the best support in the world from her. I needed alone time. I felt so gross and embarrassed. So Im in the shower extra cleaning and I hear a knock at the door its her she said can I at least take the trash out for you. I sad yes but dont look at it. So Im struggling because I came a long ways. I went from not being able to leave my house because of D to finally gaining control and wearing protection and living my life. I didnt have any issues in months so I dont like wasting protection. All day I didnt leave the house because I was afraid even with protection Id have another accident it brings you back to those traumatic days of many accidents. My partner had work but checked in all day. I said to her Im terrified of crapping my pants. I took Imodium and now I think Im constipated. How do we put those two accidents behind us us (no pun intended) and go live life? Im wearing protection 24/7 right now. My partner said if thats what you need no judgement from me. Im so blessed! Im still struggling with yesterday it mostly happened the worst of it at home. Im scared could this happen no warning again?