My Story of Many GremlinsIbs GERD ADHD Endometriosis depression anxiety fatigue frustration the other f word
Posted 14 May 2021 - 08:51 PM
Chronic Illnesses have always reminded me of gremlins within your head and body. These gremlins are childish and bored so they scratch and graffiti the walls. It hurts and it's frustrating but what the goblins don't know is that the walls they are drawing and scratching on are learning. They are becoming stronger from the efforts of the gremlins. They are learning to live with the gremlins and even though they are always their and always bored you are learning to fortify yourself against their dangerous play.
My story started about five or six years ago.
I became really sick one night to the point I had to go to emerge. After looking into it I found out I had to get my gallbladder out. The surgeon did not tell me much of anything at all except the fact that the gallbladder was a pretty useless organ and most people still did not know everything it did so I would be fine. So I got the operation and (cue JAWS music) everything was not fine.
It was supposed to have fixed my problems but instead it made me get sick no matter what I tried to eat. As my stomach recovered things became better for a while but then I ended up in the hospital again and found out I had stage 2 endometriosis. To look on the bright side I did enjoy gazing at the sexy emts. Is it a law that you have to be incredibly good looking to be a paramedic?
Before all this happened, when I first started university I discovered I had ADHD all my life where as I always thought I was just a writer and heavy daydreamer. Even now I am still learning more and more about the myths of ADHD and endo and how badly they can effect your body, mind, and mood.
My eating habits became worse because I would get sick no matter what I ate and could not figure out the safe foods. The only one I am absolutely sure of is jello which is ironic considering it is probably the one with the most chemicals. I tried all the diets but they did not help since my condition's were so mixed. To add to the chronic illness sundae I hurt my back and ended up in the hospital again after my stomach gave me the middle finger and threw up everything I had ever eaten.
Needless to say things were overwhelming for a while. They were frustrating and scary and in between all of this my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and my best friend, who I was in love with at the time, decided they could no longer be friends with me any more due to their own mental health issues.
To this day I still wish I could have understood what she was going through so I could have found some way to stay with her and help.
At the time I was living with my grandmother and taking care of her but it became too much when it was difficult just to take care of myself. There were times I could not even get up off the floor and I feared I was stressing my grandmother out more than helping her.
So once my mother was cleared of her cancer and thank goodness only needed radiation therapy and not chemo, I moved back with my parents. At twenty four it felt like a hard step back but my mother was a nurse and it really did help to have their support.
In between all of this I tried antidepressants because I was getting very bad depression and anxiety. These seemed to help for a while until I started to get an uncontrollable urge to cut my skin.
It was scary and I knew it was wrong but it felt nice to have some control over what happened to my body. It took me three years and a lot of help, psychologists, books, support, animal love, and various other tactics to get me over it and there were times I did not think I would make it to the next day.
I tried hitting my arms with bamboo sticks like they do to toughen you up in karate, I tried scratching instead that was less dangerous but more painful. I tried drawing on my skin with markers but it did not hurt enough. I even tried the ice thing but it did not leave marks. I would punch walls or the floor at times and use visualisation techniques during panic attacks but nothing helped.
It was not until my mother, father, and sister, began to send me helpful articles they found about my condition's that my perspectives changed and I realized how badly they wanted to help. Also a lot of human hugs and animal cuddles were great as well.
Even now I still struggle but it has been two months since I have done anything to hurt myself and I have slowly been getting off my antidepressants. The food issues are still bird ###### but I am alive and still trying and I believe that is the most important thing.
If any of you are going through similar issues please know that you are not alone and no matter how unbelievable or cliche it sounds it does get better and it will.
If you are interested I also have a chronic illness blog on tumblr where I post helpful articles, funny memes, and interesting stories about chronic illness. Search for Ill Woman In A Party Hat.