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For everyone who has a sense of humer about IBS


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#1 IanRamsay

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 01:11 PM

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HI allI was just emailed this by a friend in london. it made me laugh so much it made my tooth hurt again for a short time! hoipefully it will make you laugh as much as it made me laugh. some of these are also painfully familiar. cheers Ian THE S**T LIST !!!>> ------------------------>>THE GHOST poo>> The kind where you feel ###### come out, see ###### on the toilet paper, but>> there's no ###### in the bowl.>>>>THE CLEAN poo>> The kind where you feel ###### come out, see ###### in the bowl, but there's>> no ###### on the toilet paper.>>>>THE WET poo>> You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up>> putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't>> ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.>>>>THE SECOND WAVE poo>> This ###### happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees,>> and you suddenly realize you have to ###### some more.>>>>THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE poo>> Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead ######".>> You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and>> practically have a stroke.>>>>THE CORN poo>> No explanation necessary.>>>>THE LINCOLN LOG poo>> The kind of ###### that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down>> without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.>>>>THE NOTORIUS DRINKER poo>> The kind of ###### you have the morning after a long night of drinking.>> It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the>> toilet bowl after you flush.>>>>THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD poo" poo->> The kind where you want to ######, but even after straining your guts out,>> all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.>>>>THE WET CHEEKS poo>> Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your>> ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.>>>>THE LIQUID poo>> That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt,>> splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time,>> chronically burns your tender poop-chute.>>>>THE MEXICAN FOOD poo>> A class all its own.>>>>THE CROWD PLEASER>> This ###### is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to>> show it to someone before flushing.>>>>THE MOOD ENHANCER>> This ###### occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby>> allowing you to be your old self again.>>>>THE RITUAL>> This ###### occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with>> the aid of a newspaper.>>>>THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS poo>> A ###### so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.>>>>THE AFTERSHOCK poo>> This ###### has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity>> within the next 7 hours is affected.>>>>THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" poo>> This is any ###### created in the presence of another person.>>>>THE GROANER>> A ###### so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.>>>>THE FLOATER>> Characterized by its floatability, this ###### has been known to>> resurface after many flushings.>>>>THE RANGER>> A ###### which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in>> a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to>> push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.>>>>THE PHANTOM poo>> This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to>> putting it there.>>>>THE PEEK-A-BOO poo>> Now you see it, now you don't. This ###### is playing games with>> you. Requires patience and muscle control.>>>>THE BOMBSHELL>> A ###### that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either>> inappropriate to ###### (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you>> are nowhere near shitting facilities.>>>>THE SNAKE CHARMER>> A long skinny ###### which has managed to coil itself into a frightening>> position - usually harmless.>>>>THE OLYMPIC poo>> This ###### occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive>> event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the>> Drinker's ######.>>>>THE BACK-TO-NATURE poo>> This ###### may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the>> woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.>>>>THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN poo>> An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from>> God when you actually CAN'T ######.>>>>PREMEDITATED poo>> Laxative induced. Doesn't count.>>>>SHITZOPHERENIA>> Fear of shitting - can be fatal!>>>>ENERGIZER vs DURACELL poo>> Also known as a "Still Going" ######.>>>>THE POWER DUMP poo>> The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when>> you're done.>>>>THE LIQUID PLUMBER poo>> This kind of ###### is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all>> over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log>> ######.)>>>>THE SPINAL TAP poo>> The kind of ###### that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to>> be coming out sideways.>>>>THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ######" poo>> Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size>> of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in>> the rectum for some time afterwards.>>>>THE PORRIDGE poo>> The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You>> have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (:( risk it piling up to>> your butt while you sit there helpless.>>>>THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" poo>> When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your>> rectum on the way out in the morning.>>>>THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" poo>> When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and>> make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.>>>>THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" poo>> Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn>> anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently>> near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for>> air.>>>>THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" poo>> Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
  • annie7, Mpriver, arraywhite and 1 other like this
Emetophobic since 1987, IBS A (More C) since 1990, Chronic GERD + Chronic Gastritis since 1987. When people say it cant get any worse, i say at least you are still breathing! Keep the faith. Currently in remission thanks to specific strain probiotics and 12 years of probiotic reaserch.

#2 baz22p

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 01:34 PM

Ian - I too found this sooooo funny I am crying! Thank you so much for sharing.......some of these are very familiar.....Baz :(

#3 overitnow

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 04:58 PM

And the Eskimo have 100 words for snow. Ha! This isn't humour, these are technical terms!Mark
My story of beating IBS and my other chronic conditions: http://www.ibsgroup....total-wellness/

#4 BQ

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Posted 23 March 2009 - 05:01 PM

Oh Ian this is a riot! Yes I laughed right out loud at many of them!Thanks!!! LOLBQ
Please remember this is a group of folks seeking support on how to live with and manage IBS. THESE ARE ONLY MY OWN THOUGHTS. IF YOU WANT AN EXPERT OPINION, ASK A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.

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Posted 26 March 2009 - 06:24 PM

Finally, someone else who really knows poo!! Hysterical! Thx for the lift.Luann

#6 Man Utd

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Posted 07 May 2009 - 04:25 AM

LOLI bet it took him a while to come up with that!!!

#7 Camaro Dan

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Posted 15 May 2009 - 11:57 PM

I always just say, "Every party needs a pooper. That's why I'm invited." :(
-Dan
 

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Posted 16 June 2009 - 03:59 AM

I wasn’t laughing at the start but by the end my face gave in and I had to laugh :( was a funny post nice one IanRamsay.

>>THE WET CHEEKS poo>> Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your>> ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Also known as a Neptune’s Kiss lol :)

#9 TheGrudge

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Posted 04 August 2009 - 03:51 PM

Haha, some of these are oh too familiar. Thanks for the laughs. Now I can't stop. Courtney

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Posted 20 August 2009 - 09:24 PM

there's also another kind of ######.the kind where you're laughing so hard that you suddenly realize you're sitting on the entirely wrong seat.

#11 remo

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Posted 28 December 2009 - 05:42 PM

...laughing so hard I needed 10 minutes and a box of kleenex to wipe my tears! :( I never in my wildest dreams thought other people had these experiences too!
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#12 puzzel

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 01:17 AM

really funny!!!!
~puzzel~

#13 Cherokee

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Posted 10 August 2010 - 01:58 PM

Those are great!
"I just want to dance with you"- George Strait
"All American Country Boy"- Alan Jackson
"Big City"- Merle Haggard
"Just a Country Boy"- Alan Jackson
Understand these songs and you will know who I am.

#14 Rowe2

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Posted 20 July 2011 - 07:49 PM

What is so funny about this is I've experienced each description! LOL :lol:

#15 IanRamsay

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Posted 21 July 2011 - 06:46 AM

What is so funny about this is I've experienced each description! LOL :lol:

Im glad this is still giving people a giggle!!cheers
Emetophobic since 1987, IBS A (More C) since 1990, Chronic GERD + Chronic Gastritis since 1987. When people say it cant get any worse, i say at least you are still breathing! Keep the faith. Currently in remission thanks to specific strain probiotics and 12 years of probiotic reaserch.

#16 Mr 100

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Posted 26 April 2012 - 05:48 PM

Ian, this morning something happened, that never, ever happened to me before, I had a hollow poo! Tubular, like an extended polo! Anyway, just thought I'd suggest that perhaps the creative types here could dream up a humorous name for it to add to the list.All the best.

#17 Wormy Girl.

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Posted 29 April 2012 - 01:42 AM

I can not believe how funny this is it has really made my day thank you XD.

#18 loveslost

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Posted 29 June 2012 - 06:17 AM

first thing i read after signing up for this sight. made the agonizing pain im in from not being able to pass my barium seem a little easier! :lol:

#19 Diana63

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Posted 01 July 2012 - 07:26 AM

Only someone who understands all the poo problems we have could do this.BRILLIANT!! :lol: Cheered me up today!! :lol:

#20 Mpriver

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Posted 28 March 2013 - 11:29 PM

Thank you this made me laugh and will give me something to think about the next time I am praying I get to the toilet before the next wave hits.







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