[Guest]

I have been reading all of your posts and I know that we all have been through so much with our lives. I was once told that all of our happiness, sadness and conquers and challenges ARE OUR LIFE. That is life. I have had, like a lot of you a very hurtful life, most of it was in mentally and physically abusive realtionships. I have been raped, but by a friend of my ex-husbands. I have been beaten on several occassions and lost everything that I worked so hard for in 11 years. Lost my house, horses and my job and was on welfare and had only my clothes and a beat up station wagon that I barely had the $300.00 to pay for it. My children were given to my ex and they were told to never contact me by my ex.I worked nights and it took me months of searching during the day for my kids. Which I have taken back and raised two great kids! I have a lot of hidden scars that I tend to overlook until I read these things and I feel the heart felt pain and hurt that we all indure. I now have a husband who has given me a new life to my children and I. I was unable to have anymore children by the time I was 29 due to physical abuse and the begining stages of cervical cancer. I was on a fast road to killing myself and I believe that God has sent me an Angel. We are equals in every way we know what each other is thinking without having to say it. He takes care of me, he has an inner peace about him. I was visited by my mother in-law (who did not really care for me because I could not give my husband his own child) and she looked at a video that I made for my husband of our life together. She cried and said that she was happy that her son had someone that truly loves him and that she was sadden by wanting that level of love. I have been taken for granted for many years, and I would never do that to anyone else. I feel blessed with this gift, I have had such a horrible life prior to this, I have been given a break. I can not even look at a show that covers spousal and child abuse it is too painful and I turn inward. My husband helped me through some of the hardest times of my life, and the new challenge begins and I grab my angels arm and we go into battle. I believe in God, I have a family memeber that has three children the first being normal, one has a degenerative brain desease and the youngest being severly autistic. Her husband just left her a month ago because he cannot deal with the children's disabilities. She has a damaged liver and heart from being a diabetic and having children. She never complains, she know that her child will not live a long life. I am very close to her and those children. She has always been close to God, but is loosing her faith. She feels life there are no breaks in life and she wants them for her kids, not for her. I admire these people in my life. I tell them everyday that they are Gods angels and that they do his work everyday that they give more to the meaning of life and help me want to be here on this earth to do my part! I wanted to share this with you all, I don't like my past and I like to keep it hidden, but sometimes sharing it gives strength to others. We are talking about ourselves (which we all need to do!) but if there is one person out there that makes you want to smile and live another day let them know. They are too few of them. I am truly blessed despite of the pain. You guys are angels too.

 

[Guest]

Even though I have just typed a huge post to you, I read this and had to respond. My first husband was very abusive, the life we are often given is hellish, but sometimes we get a gift so special it somehow makes it all worth it. My husband was my gift from that higher power, I may have to suffer but I don't have to do it alone. Your story about your friend saddens my heart, and I'd love to reach out and give her a hug because I can understand why she feels the way she does. Thank you for sharing your story, its not always easy to do.PS My doctor believes that it was the abuse in my first marriage that triggered my FM, how about you?Lori Ann

 

[weener]

Hi Lexa & Lori Ann:After reading your posts, it makes me wonder how much we do have in common. Is this the traumatic event that happened in our lives. I remember watching Oprah one day and she had a Dr. Caroline Myss on her show. Doctor Myss is a believer in the mind/body connection. There was a lady who was diagnosed with fm and apparently she hadn't been doing well for a few years. Doctor Myss who is also psychic asked if something traumatic happened to her when she was young. She answered yes, her younger brother (infant) stopped breathing and died. She made a pact with her brother that she could not go through life happy ever again. As she grew up, she went through a myriad of illnesses and then came the fm. After seeing Dr. Myss and having counselling sessions, she finally broke free of the fm. She allowed herself to live again. I found this story very interesting, but felt skeptical at the same time. As for myself, I was also physically abused when I was young. I lost my mother to leukemia and my younger brother to car accident (he was run over when he was 4 and I watched it). My father remarried when I was 5 and life was not very easy with my new stepmother. I ended up going into a group home for my teenage years and cut off all contact with my family until my late teens. My parents had this kind of control over me until I was in my late twenties. I finally had to put my foot down and speak my mind. I went to therapy for l year and got a lot of ###### out of my system. I get along fine with my parents now, but it took a lot of work. I also was blessed with a wonderful man in my life. I met him when I was 16. He has been my life, love and support for the past 27 years. I also believe that my mom has watched over me all these years. She is my guardian angel. I truly believe that what we have gone through has made us stronger and more compassionate. I hope and pray that we have the strength to get through another hurdle in our lives. It is a blessing to be able to talk to each other about our lives. We've come together for a reason. Take care. Peace.

 

[Guest]

weener, Lori Ann.. (by the way my sister name is LoriAnn! I have never seen it anywhere else. I am glad that a few posted in here about this. I was feeling a little shamed by the lack of response. I thought that I might have exposed to much of myself. We are all very compassionate and I think that we carry a lot of unwanted baggage for too long. I wanted to seek counseling right before I got diagnosed for FMS. I felt that I had to many things that jsut kept rearring their nasty head and could not stand it anymore. I believe that when people pass on that they do stay with us. My father lost his sister from a brian tumor when he was 10, at that time they had the wakes in the house. His sister went into surgery and she never made it. They had an novina during the time of the surgey and when she pssed away all the candles went out at my fathers house. A few weeks after the funeral he had a dream and there was black clouds surrounding him in his room but he could see silvery light behind the cloud and from the cloud a note fell onto his bed. The note was from his sister telling him that she had given him a gift and that she will always be with him. My father has a gift of knowing what is going to happen before it does. So, trust me all of us have those who are close to us. It seems far fetched but it is true. My father is not one to tell me stories and his sister passing is incrediable painful for him to talk about. He always tell me that you need not carry to many keys on your keychain, it means you carry to many worries. Funny but he emptied my keychain after I got divorced and lot of worries seem to hang on a lot less. Check those key rings and lighten the load. I love being here, it is given me the hope to keep looking for the right steps for me to heal myself. Thanks for the EMPOWERMENT!!!lexa

 

[Guest]

Lori Ann,I saw your question after I hit send about if I thought my FMS had something to do with my abuse? I don't know, I know that while I was married to my ex, I went through a period of what I am experiencing now and was treated for severe depression - which I was! But because of all the responsibilities of being single and extremley poor I did not focus on how I felt just surviving. I have been in two major car accidents and I have been in a lot of riding incidents with horses. So I don't know if it was physical trauma or mental or all of it combined. I told my mom that I was a toughie and that somewhere a long the way I was going to pay for all it. I am now ;o)

 

[Guest]

I worry about saying "too much" too, but this is a place where we can spill our guts without being judged. A place where we don't have to be the tough ones, always be the strong one with all the answers or suffering in silence. So, as far I feel, you can tell me anything.Lori AnnPS About your sis having the same name...I always thought it was a common name, but now that I think of it, I've probably only met 1 or 2.

 

[Guest]

quote:Originally posted by lexa:I have been reading all of your posts and I know that we all have been through so much with our lives. I was once told that all of our happiness, sadness and conquers and challenges ARE OUR LIFE. That is life. I have had, like a lot of you a very hurtful life, most of it was in mentally and physically abusive realtionships. I have been raped, but by a friend of my ex-husbands. I have been beaten on several occassions and lost everything that I worked so hard for in 11 years. Lost my house, horses and my job and was on welfare and had only my clothes and a beat up station wagon that I barely had the $300.00 to pay for it. My children were given to my ex and they were told to never contact me by my ex.I worked nights and it took me months of searching during the day for my kids. Which I have taken back and raised two great kids! I have a lot of hidden scars that I tend to overlook until I read these things and I feel the heart felt pain and hurt that we all indure. I now have a husband who has given me a new life to my children and I. I was unable to have anymore children by the time I was 29 due to physical abuse and the begining stages of cervical cancer. I was on a fast road to killing myself and I believe that God has sent me an Angel. We are equals in every way we know what each other is thinking without having to say it. He takes care of me, he has an inner peace about him. I was visited by my mother in-law (who did not really care for me because I could not give my husband his own child) and she looked at a video that I made for my husband of our life together. She cried and said that she was happy that her son had someone that truly loves him and that she was sadden by wanting that level of love. I have been taken for granted for many years, and I would never do that to anyone else. I feel blessed with this gift, I have had such a horrible life prior to this, I have been given a break. I can not even look at a show that covers spousal and child abuse it is too painful and I turn inward. My husband helped me through some of the hardest times of my life, and the new challenge begins and I grab my angels arm and we go into battle. I believe in God, I have a family memeber that has three children the first being normal, one has a degenerative brain desease and the youngest being severly autistic. Her husband just left her a month ago because he cannot deal with the children's disabilities. She has a damaged liver and heart from being a diabetic and having children. She never complains, she know that her child will not live a long life. I am very close to her and those children. She has always been close to God, but is loosing her faith. She feels life there are no breaks in life and she wants them for her kids, not for her. I admire these people in my life. I tell them everyday that they are Gods angels and that they do his work everyday that they give more to the meaning of life and help me want to be here on this earth to do my part! I wanted to share this with you all, I don't like my past and I like to keep it hidden, but sometimes sharing it gives strength to others. We are talking about ourselves (which we all need to do!) but if there is one person out there that makes you want to smile and live another day let them know. They are too few of them. I am truly blessed despite of the pain. You guys are angels too.

 

[Feisty]

Hi lexa, Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything! We are all in this together. Each one of us has our own "story". And we have our ups and downs and our in betweens. I apologize for not responding sooner. Had a few rough days and just didn't have enough energy to even think, let alone do. Know what I mean? Welcome to the board. Although I signed on in February, I hadn't really posted much until a couple of weeks ago. The "fellow boarders" have been incredible! I couldn't have asked for a better group on which to "dump". So.......don't feel guilty. That's what we're all here for. Whine, complain, laugh, cry, whatever you feel at the moment. Take care. Karen (Feisty)