I have been reading all of your posts and I know that we all have been through so much with our lives. I was once told that all of our happiness, sadness and conquers and challenges ARE OUR LIFE. That is life. I have had, like a lot of you a very hurtful life, most of it was in mentally and physically abusive realtionships. I have been raped, but by a friend of my ex-husbands. I have been beaten on several occassions and lost everything that I worked so hard for in 11 years. Lost my house, horses and my job and was on welfare and had only my clothes and a beat up station wagon that I barely had the $300.00 to pay for it. My children were given to my ex and they were told to never contact me by my ex.I worked nights and it took me months of searching during the day for my kids. Which I have taken back and raised two great kids! I have a lot of hidden scars that I tend to overlook until I read these things and I feel the heart felt pain and hurt that we all indure. I now have a husband who has given me a new life to my children and I. I was unable to have anymore children by the time I was 29 due to physical abuse and the begining stages of cervical cancer. I was on a fast road to killing myself and I believe that God has sent me an Angel. We are equals in every way we know what each other is thinking without having to say it. He takes care of me, he has an inner peace about him. I was visited by my mother in-law (who did not really care for me because I could not give my husband his own child) and she looked at a video that I made for my husband of our life together. She cried and said that she was happy that her son had someone that truly loves him and that she was sadden by wanting that level of love. I have been taken for granted for many years, and I would never do that to anyone else. I feel blessed with this gift, I have had such a horrible life prior to this, I have been given a break. I can not even look at a show that covers spousal and child abuse it is too painful and I turn inward. My husband helped me through some of the hardest times of my life, and the new challenge begins and I grab my angels arm and we go into battle. I believe in God, I have a family memeber that has three children the first being normal, one has a degenerative brain desease and the youngest being severly autistic. Her husband just left her a month ago because he cannot deal with the children's disabilities. She has a damaged liver and heart from being a diabetic and having children. She never complains, she know that her child will not live a long life. I am very close to her and those children. She has always been close to God, but is loosing her faith. She feels life there are no breaks in life and she wants them for her kids, not for her. I admire these people in my life. I tell them everyday that they are Gods angels and that they do his work everyday that they give more to the meaning of life and help me want to be here on this earth to do my part! I wanted to share this with you all, I don't like my past and I like to keep it hidden, but sometimes sharing it gives strength to others. We are talking about ourselves (which we all need to do!) but if there is one person out there that makes you want to smile and live another day let them know. They are too few of them. I am truly blessed despite of the pain. You guys are angels too.