I am 46, have always thought of myself as somewhat attractive. I take care of myself, exercise, eat right, am nice and trim but I am beginning to think I have a real problem. It's not really a problem of course but it's my mind that's bonkers! I've gotten to the point where I'm obsessed about my face-I HATE it. I see every crease, every line, every wrinkle and i is making me so depressed. I feel very nonsexual (grosses me out anymore and I have ZERO sex drive). I am on HRT which has helped me feel better but it is this psychological thing. I don't want to go to reunions with old friends because I just can't stand how old I'm looking. I'm tired of being obsessed about something I have no control over and what does it matter anyway??? When we're young, we just cannot imagine ourselves (our bodies) any other way than attractive. How do I get over this obsession? I wish I could accept myself for what I am, how I look, etc. but just can't seem to get there.
Aging and I don't like it
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Hello Tiss,I understand completely, I'm 40 yrs. old. The fear of seeing someone from my past, thinking that I don't measure up, it's in my mind!! I have a sister who is four years older than me, very over weight, she has no problems seeing her old classmates. She wasn't over weight in the past, so I don't understand how she feels comfortable now. I know for me growing up, the way I looked was always a plus, I guess now having IBS and feeling very sick from this, it controls the way I see myself, I feel weak, and I look weak. We don't see ourselves the way others do, please always remember that. (Thank God for that), we as women always see the worst. I'm sure you are so good looking. You are taking care of yourself, being in your 40's is not like it was in our mother's times. Sorry Tiss, I'm going on and on. I think you get to a point in life you need to look inside, looks do fade, you need to be happy within yourself. I think I'm writing this to myself, I guess just trying to get this in my head.Good luck,Jackie
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I'm only 24 and already obsess about this. I look at 60 year old wrinkled ladies and cringe. I have two little lines under my eyes that look like wrinkles and I see it as soon as I look in the mirror and think of getting them taken care of. I don't even go out in the sun anymore because I'm terrified of being wrinkled even though my parents are 47 and 56 and have very few wrinkles and no white hair. My solution is to get rid of whatever is bothering me, for some people this works for others they will never be satisfied and it's not the wrinkles or weight that is really bothering them.
Tiss,I know what you are feeling. Honestly though, step back and look again. Don't you think you look for your age. You know everyone has lines and as we get older we just tend to dwell on them more. I think a person's body will age them faster than their face will. My aerobics instructor is 50+ and her face is wrinkled but her body looks very youthful. I think a matronly like body is much more aging than a few lines on someone's face.I am 42 and this year I beginning to feel a bit of my age, (my daughter started high school, I have not been feeling great and I hate the fact that I cannot control the bloat in my abs due to ibs on a lot of days). There are many things that I would love to wear but the bloated abs prevent me and sometimes if I start ok in the a.m. by the end of the day or by mid afternoon my stomach is bloated so I am always careful to wear something to camoflauge the bump....I guess I see that more than the lines on my face.The there are times I reflect on my life and think gosh....I have done so much in so little time!
I think the thing that is bothering me is that I am vain enough to be bothered by natural aging. I mean, when I think of my grandmother I think of LOVE for her, not that she always looked old! I'm also becoming more aware that I've carried anger and grudges for many years and here I am middle age and not over it! Carrying anger and tension has to be aging too! So,I'm trying to work on my 'inner' life. I want to age gracefully, not hatefully. I can't stand the stretched faces I see on movie stars-talk about a bad look! So I will never opt for plastic surgery, even if I could afford it. I want to be happy regardless of what I look like.
I don't think there's anybody who likes aging. But it is only natural that we do age and at least nowadays with better diets and all we don't look as old as our mothers and/or grandmothers did at 45. As for me, I'm 46, stopped smoking two years ago and since then have rapidly gained weight, gone from a very stable size 12 to a size 18. I've been on a low carb diet for more than a year now to help with the D-attacks, but I'm still a size 18. Had a hysterectomy 6 months ago and have recovered very well, so I'll give slimming by exercise another try. I already walk my dog up-and downhill for about 2 1/2 hours per day. I have lines near my eyes, eyelids that start to crinkle, grooves next to my mouth corners and the skin is slackening everywhere, and of course my hair is greying, but when I see pictures of my contemporaries they all have these signs of age (except for some who probably have had cosmetic surgery).I can't stop the ravages of time, but I'll try to age gracefully. I think it's partly to do with all these over-glamorous pictures of actresses, singers and what have you, that we all think we should stay young too. I know it's not easy, but you'll have to find the beauty within yourself and be happy with it or at least accept it. Fay
Tiss, I think you need to give yourself a big hug. Yes, I understand what you're saying about being not happy with how your face looks. Unfortunately, as we age, wrinkles and creases happen. It has more to do with how you feel about yourself, personally, deep down inside. If you're basically happy and content with yourself and your life, it will show on your face. If you're not happy and content, that will show also. But I think you know this already.If it really bothers you that much, there are remedies you can try. You say you're on HRT -- the hormones should be helping already. You can go to a dermatologist and get prescription RX's that will help minimize lines (right now all I can think of is retin a) There's always plastic surgery, if you're so inclined. Besides plastic surgery, there's also laser surgery or dermabrasion (less invasive). You also say you're feeling nonsexual and have zero sex drive. A doctor can prescribe testosterone for you, which should help greatly. (Yes, it's generally thought of as a male hormone, but females also produce it) Maybe once you start to feel sexual again, it could greatly improve your overall outlook about yourself.
Tiss, you posted before my reply showed up. OK, so you're opposed to plastic surgery. But there are other things you can do. Think testosterone -- I really believe it'll make a difference for you.I can so relate to how you remember your grandmother
That's how I feel about my grandmothers (and aunts) I only remember the love and the good persons they were/are -- their wrinkles were absolutely beautiful!
bobo, I am currently on testosterone along with tri-est and progesterone. I even have testosterone I use directly on the genitals. If I use too much my face breaks out big time. The testosterone has helped some-at least I can have an orgasm once in awhile but it takes a LONG time to get there. It's such a change from how I used to function sexually.I guess it's good to know I'm not alone in my feelings. Maybe when I'm 50 (3 1/2 years) it won't bother me as much.
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I can understand...I turned 30 last week. I looked in the mirror and picked myself apart. I am single so I kept looking for reasons why guys don't want to date me. I know I am very lucky I look much younger than my age though.
I think it's very important for we as women to treat ourselves well. I don't mean exercising and eating right, but doing things that make us feel good about ourselves. whatever it is that makes you feel good and happy. Treat yourself like a best friend or your mother would treat you. It's important to remember too that despite what Hollywood would have us think, there IS more to life than what you look like. It's easy to forget celebrities have armies devoted to making them look like they do.
I can so relate to what you're feeling, Tiss. I will be 45 in a few months, and what I see in the mirror doesn't match the way I feel inside. I still feel like a teenager most of the time, but the saggy face and wrinkles I see in the mirror are quite depressing. I'm still slim and fit, but that isn't what I focus on, of course. We definitely are too hard on ourselves, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. I feel silly being so vain, but I just can't help it.Jennifer
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