[abby101]

Well after many Bad Relationships I am back to dating again ! But after this last one I am having a hard time. It has been 6 months since I kicked him out he was a very bad man.. He moved here with his 3 yr old son who I adored but he was not who I thought he was won't bore you with the details. But I am having a hard time with the Self Esteem right now I go to Therapy which has helped out some I did meet a man through a mutal friend who went through the same as I did so I was excited to meet and go out with him but as he is just going through all of it now he is not in any shape to date

Don't think I am rude but I told him that I think the only reason he was calling was because we had a mutual friend who set us up and he was not interested in me well as it turns out I was right

The phone calls stoped and have not heard from him after that call.. But that was okay he has to many issuse right now and I cannot take on more problems ! I did go out last night to a bar with a friend but I did not feel comfortable at all. So my question to all is how do you get back into the dating game ? Any response would be appreciated.. Thanks Abby101

 

[Guest]

Abby,Hi. Sorry to hear about the bad relationship that you got out of. I don't think that you suffer from any low self-esteem at all, Abby. If you had low self-esteem you would still be with this ass. You know that you can do better then him and you know that you deserve better and you've already completed the first step to getting back to the dating scene by acknowledging the bad relationship and getting out. So many women just settle for the man they are with just to be with someone. You know that you deserve better and got out -awesome job!I think that maybe you could ease back into the dating scene so it doesn't seem over whelming for you. DO things that you enjoy to meet a guy. If you don't like going to the bars then don't do that. If you rather read -maybe spend an afternoon in the library. If you enjoy walks -walk your dog in the park or what ever for the afternoon. I think you get my drift. If you do this it's a better chance you will meet someone who has the same interest in you rather then doing something you don't like (for example, the bar). I think to ease back into things maybe you could do a double date with a friend. Have her set you up with someone she knows and go out on a double date rather then one-on-one. It seems more casual that way and not so romantic the first date. I usually prefer this method myself, but everyone is different.I'm not sure that I answered your question. If not, please let me know and i'll try again

Good luck.

 

[abby101]

Canuck Thanks for the advice and you are RIGHT in so many ways I did get rid of him ! LOL And I have stayed in Bad Relationships in the past so this time around I did not PLAY that game.. I did go out to a bar on Friday night and I was not into it at all so I guess you are right that is not my thing. So I am trying to do things like to do like you suggested to meet a guy with the same interest. As far as getting set-up I have been set up so many times just like this last one and it is hard because when you both have a mutual friend and then it does not work out I feel kind of weird about it all. The Therapy has helped me to learn not to be so NICE anymore so I think that is why I said what I said to the last guy. I mean I have plenty of "Friends" so that is not what I am looking for in a man not that I want to rush into anything either but I can only listen to so many stories about the "EX" and what has happened. If you know what I mean ? So for now I am going to take your advice and get out there and enjoy doing something's I like to do and if I meet someone then great ! I also have a very bad habit of Analyzing things to death ! Which I am working on as well

Thanks so much for replying to my post

 

[Engine23]

Abby bars are not the best place to meet people as many of us know. I had some good relationships from meeting people at church but at times I went more for the meat market than the religion which made me feel bad so I stopped. Sometimes we have to stop looking so hard and just roll with the punches eventually most of us meet the person we can not live w/o.I actually met my wife online at matchmaker.com. Its a pretty cool service I still have two friends I met from the service and they are now friends with my wife as well.Best of luck on your search. Just be yourself and enjoy life!

 

[abby101]

Engine how long were you on matchmaker.com before you meet your wife ? I was just looking into that yesterday and It seems like a way to really find someone who has the same intrest that you have. I did (a long time ago) meet a man online and as it turned out it was my bosses ex boyfriends brother ! What are the chances of that happening.. Anyway I have not been on their site since then but I think I might check it out. And as for Church I just went a couple of weeks ago and I was thinking the same thing as you have said happen to you so I think for me it would not be a good option. Thanks for your advice !

 

[Auroraheart]

I also met my boyfriend off an online dating site....mine was called lavalife.com He was the first person to contact me!

And now, almost 6 months later he is one of my best friends as well as boyfriend. Both of us had things to get through so going very slow is the best for both of us.Obviously, you have to be very careful meeting people off the internet. But, its worth a shot.Good luck!

 

[abby101]

Aurora is that a site in your area ? I have had so many people tell me that they have meet really nice guys that way. I meet the EX in a chat room and we talked online for a long time then he came for a visit I live in FL he was from CA then we decided he would move here. I took things slow due to the fact of the other relationships I have had but I still did not see the RED FLAGS warning with him he charmed me into it all !

So I know to becareful next time around trust me ! He was only here for 4-months then I gave him the BOOT

And congrats on meeting your man and I wish you both well.

 

[Auroraheart]

Lavalife is for sure North American...not sure about worldwide. I've also had a few internet freaks (one of whom who came onto the BB...LONG story) but then there are the good 'uns.

Good for you for being strong enough to boot his butt out the door!

 

[Guest]

Abby,You know what I truly believe. I know you've probably heard it a thousand times before, but love always happens when you least expect it. Don't go looking for love -love finds you! I know it sounds corny, but it's so true. In my experience I have always found it kind of ironic that when I was looking for love or a relationship I just ended up frustrated with the whole dating thing. I kind of took a break from trying to meet men and I did find love! It's kind of funny I met my man online as well. Totally not expecting it either. I never thought I'd meet anyone online. There are a lot of creeps on the net though so you have to be careful. I am usually just friends with a guy at first to see if he is the type of guy I would be interested in dating even. That way if I don't like him as a boyfriend then at least I've made a new friend without the awkwardness of past dates in the way!I know meeting people through friends can be a bit awkward because as you said if it doesn't work out there is tension or that weird feeling amoungst everyone. Just go out and enjoy what you like doing and enjoy life! It will all work out in the end

I wish you the best of luck! NOt that you will need it

 

[GBSfan1]

My husband and I separated almost a month ago, after 22 years of marriage. I have no desire for a relationship right now, that's for sure. I'm enjoying being on my own. However, I do miss the physical closeness, no hugs, sex, etc. My counsellor said one shouldn't get involved in a realationship until we've been separated 6 months. And he said to be very carefull, as we tend to pick the same type of person over and over. Scary. I live in a fairly small town, so don't know how many eligible men there are. But, as I said, I'm not ready for that anyway. Sure is fun to look, though. Good luck.Jennifer

 

[abby101]

Canuck yes I have heard that alot from all my friends that and you are right because that has happen to me just not long lasting ! It's not that I am lonely but after this last mess he really did a job on me and telling me things to make me feel worse about myself ! But he is nothing and I know that I am VERY independent and have my own home so I don't have to live off someone else and I work very hard for what I have. The only problem with being friends with guys for me that is all it is. Which I have some male friends that I would never date but I am just looking to going out again and having some fun

lol.. And I am going to start enjoying Life again like I was before I meet this last Jerk it was funny because I was not looking for a serious relationship especially online but he did a good job sucking me into all the Drama ! But that's okay I have moved on I am just trying to get back to how things were before all this Drama took place ! Good Luck with your Man you meet online and thanks for your advice !

 

[abby101]

Jennifer sorry to hear about your recent split. I was with my first ex-boyfriend for 10 yrs cannot imagine 22 yrs.. It was like we were married we had a house together but he just did not want to commit ? And now 7 yrs later I am so happy with out him (he married someone else about a year after we split) go Figure ? But thank god he moved away to be with her because he was always in my business for some reason he thought he needed to know who I was dating and always called me when I had a date over... Try explaining that one .. lol.. So I finally had to tell him to leave me alone and move on.. And he did but lately I hear he is back in town but he knows not to contact me so no worries there.. No wonder why I go to Therepy huh ? lol No really I have found a really great one and she has helped me out a lot.. So have fun looking !!Abby

 

[GBSfan1]

Thanks, Abby. Unfortunately, I really lost myself the past few years in the relationship, so it has worked out for the better. It's only been a month, but I feel a hundred times better about myself. Jennifer