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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey Everyone,I am so scared that I have let my mental health get to out of control. I now suffer from brain fog and insomnia. I feel like I am loosing my grip on reality and that I am going crazy. My tinnitus and IBS are at thier worst and I am scared to death I may not get my normal self back again. I know I can not live this may much longer.I have taken steps to get help i.e. seen my GP, filled in a mental health plan and have an appointment to see a psychologist. I am hoping she will give me antidepressants (never thought id say that) and that she will be the answer to my problems. I dont know what else to do. I havent slept in about 2.5 months, I cry several times a day, I am behind in uni and will prob fail cause I cant concentrate and read properly. I cut myself and have suicidal thoughts nearly every day. I have confessed all these things to the GP, but with the way our health system works I only have two options. 1. wait for the psych appointment or 2. get admitted to hospital. The problem is i need the help of the second option but being admitted to hospital and having to defer uni would plumit me MUCH further into my depression.I have no idea how to help myself between now and when I start feeling better. I feel like I have taken all the steps I can to get help, but I am scared the help may not come fast enough and also that the help may not help at all. I am scared this brain fog and insomnia are perminate. I couldnt live that way.I dont know if im saying all this to hear about your stories and how you coped or if im crying out for help..... maybe its both. One very scared ans lost Poo Pea
 

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im no expert myself but im suffering bad atm to bad thoughts were in my head cant leave the house panic attacks in the hse and now huge phobia of food linked back to ibsas for reading side effects of everything thats not always a good idea as i personal willl then convince myself im gonna get them or if ive got them already they will make it a million times worsedont knock antidepressants until your gp has tried you on some i get so scared of new pills but it has took me only 3 types to try and the third i seem fine on been on 2 weeks now so still early days but made me no iller councelling is supposed to be good my pychiatrist appointment was taking to long so there trying to get me in with a pcycologist which are supposed to be just as goodmy main prob is not eating and now vomiting as i have lost 4 stone since xmas and if i dont improve soon i to will be admitted to hospital and prob tube fed and as ive had bad experiences in our hospital i really dont want to go there again let me know how your doing there is hope for all of us somewhere we just have to find it
 

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Poo pea, Please don't be sad, I can't say that I understand what you are going through because I think we all suffer at different extremes and in different ways. When are you going to be able to get in for a visit? If you PCP isn't concerned with your emotional state you need seek another opioion. After reading you bio I was very concerned and wished that I could reach through the computer and give you a hug or be a shoulder to cry on.
 
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Oh bless you - listen if you are really having suicidal thoughts every day - I would say, that, just for the moment - the safest place for you would be in hospital - they are not lovely places (I've been in one) but it sounds like you need a lot of support just at the moment. You'd be amazed, in the great scheme of things, how quickly you start on the uphill mental-health wise - it took 6 weeks for me.All the best to youSue xxx
 

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Poo Pea;What Sue said is very good advice!! University will be there; it's not going anywhere. If you had to defer, then so be it! I want to tell you that I hear you crying out for help!! I can hear it in your words. My daughter was in a major depression three years ago, and she was cutting. She had a suicidal plan, and by the Grace of God, she had an appt. with her therapist that day, and she got it out of my daughter her plan. She went into the hospital that day. To make a long story short, she was able to get the help she needed, and three years later, I have a daughter who is turning 16 in a couple of weeks; that looks forward to things in her life, and is a relatively normal teenager. She takes medication as we found out that she is bi-polar; it keeps her moods steady, she sees her therapist, and I have my daughter!! There is nothing more important than your health and wellbeing. You could make that one cut that could turn fatal!! You could take that one extra pill that would do it!
quote: The problem is i need the help of the second option but being admitted to hospital and having to defer uni would plumit me MUCH further into my depression.
University is not more important than your life. If you die, what would it have meant?How long do you have to wait for the psych appt? It sounds like a day is too long!! Please take this seriously. I lost my sister to depression, and almost lost my daughter. I have been in my own depression, deep enough that I can relate to what you are feeling. If you are behind in uni and are probably going to fail, as you said, I would be walking in the door to that hospital and be admitted!! I know that is the scariest thought, but look how fast you would get the help you need. You getting better is THE most important thing. You said yourself
quote:I know I can not live this way much longer.
We are here for you, but you have to decide for yourself what to do. If you are scared the help may not come fast enough, ACT!! I'm praying for you, and this board is here so you can share if you need to. This is the best advice I can give you from someone who KNOWS!! And Sue KNOWS!!! Please hear us!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you for your replies!!!!I have an appointment with the psych on the 10th of March, and I went and saw the uni psych yesterday. I think the 10th of march is to far away I really need help now, but im afraid of the implications of that.I am scared of so many things, what will happen to me, what will ppl think, will i ever get better. I need help so bad but im scared of asking for anymore help than i already have. I feel like such a failure at life and I dont want others to know it too. What if everyone thinks im weird and leaves me, ill be all alone. I dont want to be alone. Im scared to be any more alone than i already amI wonder if i should walk into the GP and ask for antidepressants...... maybe antidepressants are the answer. Will they get rid of the brain fog and pressure in my head, will they allow me to sleep.Oh my god what do i do. I want to scream HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME, but then im to scared to do it.What is happening to me, im so scared
 

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Poo PeaI so sorry you are down. Have you thought about getting a full-blood workup and include a thyroid panel with that.Sometimes our chemistry gets out of whack because of stress, dietary, etc.I'm not saying anti-depressants are bad. I use them myself and might for the rest of my life based on my diagnosis. Most people with my type of depression have medication, in my research I've done, for the rest of your life.Counseling is great and if you can get a doc's note for uni--it might help get them off your back, alleviate some stress for you. Even if you need some time off, you can always make up a semester.Remember to take care of yourself and sending ((((hugs)))) your way.
 

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YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!! You need help, but that does not mean you are a failure. I can relate to that because I have said the same thing. I am only an online support, but I will NOT leave you. You can private message me, if you want my email, I will give it to you; if you need my phone number so you can talk, I will give it to you in the private message. Can you hear the promise in my post?!! I mean it! You are not a failure if you walk into the hospital!! You would be a success because you took that step!! You are not a failure because you posted what you felt on here! You are a success because you took that step!! Hang ON!!DO NOT give up!! Sometimes when my daughter has gone to some fun activity, and she comes back and tells me what a blast she had, or when she gets a new baby cousin, I remind her of what she would've missed if she had gone through with her plan. There are good things ahead, and the fog and the pressure and the depression and the sadness and despair can be taken care of if you get the help you need. If you can't hang on until the 10th, GO!! Walk into the hospital, and you will get immediate help, just like Sue said. Remember, Poo Pea, we are here for you!!! I am here for you!!!
 
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See you are not alone - mental illness is scarey but as Jan has said it needn't be more than a temporary state - things were so, so dreadful last year and each time I do something great I think "my god, but I so nearly wasn't there" - just like Jan said about her daughter.You have taken the first important step by admitting that something is very wrong. Anti-depressants may be the answer, hospitalisation (albeit for a week/ 2 weeks whatever) may be too but doing nothing and internalising all this certainly isn't.You hang in there and get talking - there are professionals who can help you - I promise - things will get better than this - they have for me and they have for Janny's daughter too.God blessSue xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Hey Everyone,Thanks for all your support!! Im still to scared to go to the hospital but I did ring the university and schedule an appointment with their psych today. I told them how bad things were getting and they seemed concerned and sqeezed me in. I know they cant prescribe anything but im hoping may a chat with an undertsanding, non-judgemental ear might help a little bit. I can only hope.My emotions seems to go up and down all day. One minute im on the floor in tears feeling clostraphobic in my own skin and that I must kill myself cause i cant deal with this anymore..... it will last for about 30min to 3 hours and then obviously i dont kill myself and I end up lying there feeling helpless, lonley and defeated. Also noramlly i am a very calm and ahve all the patience in the world but latley the smallest thing will make me angrey and cry. Just the other day I cried because i didnt have enough change to print off an assignment, someone was driving to slow in front of me and cause I tripped on the stairs.I am really really really scared of going to hospital or ending up in greylands. I am truely hoping I can get the help i need from psychs, family, tablets and friends. I was thinking I would try and go to the uni psych whilst I wait for my other psych appointment, just to feel like i am getting some help and that someone proffessional knows whats going on.Depression and anxiety are AWEFUL, i wouldnt wish it on anyone. The things you do and the thoughts that go through your mind are scary and truely aweful. Im doing a degree in occuaptional therapy and have decided that if I manage to get through this I want to specialise in mental health, i dont want anyone to have to experience this, and if they do i want to help. Im hoping is a positive thing that im looking into the future..... my future.Poo PeaP.S. I am sorry if I continue to post and my messages seem to be all over the place, its kinda how I feel, completley scattered. Maybe one day I will look back on this and see what my journay was to overcome depression I HOPE.
 

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That you are talking about the future is a great sign!! We can be here for you and making an appt. to get in to talk to someone before the 10th was a great step, but if you feel in the slightest way that you're going to hurt yourself-STOP!!!!!!!!Go right to the hospital, ok????!!!I have a suggestion you could do....tomorrow, post 3 GOOD things that happened in your day on here. If you have to do something that is good so you'll have it to post, then do it!!
If you wrote that you've wanted to clean your bathroom and haven't been motivated at all to do it, clean your bathroom! That's a good thing. If you have plants and they need watering and pruning back, do it. If you need to laugh, find something on the internet that cracks you up!!!
If you do nothing more than walk outside for a little while and see something pretty to post, do it!! 3 things!! Can you do it? I think you can. Will you do it? I hope you will!!! Did you just smile a little tiny smile? I'm praying you just did!
I'll be checking on here for your three things!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thank you so much Jannybitt for you supportI like your suggest.... and I did smile when i read it
My three good things are1. I managed to get through a chapter in my text book and take notes2. I was able to concentrate and sit in my lecture this morning and can remember 70% of what was said3. I found a rental property I like and applied for itI am really proud of myself for the first two, its more than i have been able to do in ages. I think its because im finally getting sleep with some sleeping pills.Poo Pea
 
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Sounds very positive Poo Pea - you are NOT as down as you think - believe me - when I was in the depths of depression - I was thrilled if I managed to get myself dressed and eat 3 meals - so power to you and well done Jan for some very sound, practical advice.Sue
 

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Way to go Poo Pea!!!Job well done! You should be very proud of yourself!!! I would have a hard time sitting through a lecture being in a fantastic mood!
Very good for you!!!And, you found a rental property you like? Awesome! Tell us about it! What made you like it?Hmmm.... maybe I should have come up with 5 things for you to think of good!
Got two more you could come up with, by chance? Hugs to you!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I guess my 'problem'is rather odd. I believe i have a cross between anxiety and depression brought on by stress. Which is why I have always been rather hesitant about taking anti-depressants.If my life is going along like normal then I have no problems.... not even a hint of sadness or depression. But when I have to many stressful things happen at once I simply cant cope and I get sadder and sadder each day until finally I have a depression/anxiety attack. This is what will last 30min - 3hours where I want to kill myself, cut, cant move, wont move and cry till the cows come home. I can have 4-5 of these in one day. Thanks for the positive words JannyI like the rental because it is a 4 brm and all the rooms are double sized so it mean I can rent the other rooms really easy, I also like it cause it has air con. I find out today if I get it.... i am REALLY hoping I do cause ive been looking for 2months. The property market is HELL in Perth. I dont know if you've heard about it butyeah....Another 2 good things1. I got through 2 readings for uni (felt very ill at the end though) but i did it2. I cant think of a second good thing, if i get the property it will be my 2nd good thing!!Poo Pea
 

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I hope you got the rental!! I really do, but if you don't, something will come along even better. It might take time, but something will find you!I know you're afraid of antidepressants, but it almost sounds like you cycle with your moods. A good psychiatrist or psychologist will be able to determine what you need and it might be a combo of antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. That is what my daughter takes. Evens the moods out. When she gets stressed, she has a hard time functioning also. Sometimes, I just have to talk her through it. Especially around her cycle time. Whoa!!
Keep hanging in there! You are doing it; do you realize that it's almost the 7th? We're making it! The 10th is just around the corner! You can do this!!! We'll keep posting and be the best support we can be, and you just do the best you can do and no one can expect more from you than that. If they do, tell them to go to..... well, you know where!
Hugs to you, Sweetie!!!
 

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Hey Poo Pee ! I don´t know much about your situation but when I read the word homeless I was shocked . I feel sorry for you I want to ask isn´t there any other possibility for you ? For example to stay at you friends´ or some family members at least till you find something on your own? I am really sorry that you are going through such difficult times.
 
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