[M&M]

that thread "famous non-IBSer's lines" made me realize something, and i'm just curious as to what the rest of you have experienced in this area...my one main "button pusher" is my mom. i mean by this that she is the main person who, after knowing alllll about my ibs, still manages to trigger attacks, and basically make me miserable on a fairly regular basis. she is a nice lady, really, please don't get me wrong, but somehow she just manages to say one of those "famous non-IBSer's lines" and then not seem to have a clue what she said and why on earth it would have upset me. it has even become a sort of "chicken and the egg" cunundrum...does my mom trigger the attacks - or telepathically sense when one is coming, and so decides it is the perfect time to push those buttons. honestly noone else does this, occasionally someone who has no idea i have IBS will make a comment that i obvious must excuse, because they have no idea i have IBS. i don't get it, and it has been a particularly rough past couple of days with her...just wondered if anybody else has one main button pusher that puts their IBS into overdrive? ~mrs. mason (still trying to learn how to make a negative into a positive)

 

[Homebound]

Mostly I would say my Mother-in-law. But really everyone of my in-laws are button pushers. They all don't take my IBS seriously. They all act like it's a big inconvience to them, and that I'm making it up to make their lives miserable. They think I use it as an excuse to get out of going places with them. They think I'm not doing enough to get "cured". And they always ask me if the doctors found out what caused it for me. They don't take "It's a condition that will never go away, and I can't help it if I get sick." They expect me to know days in advance if I'm going to be sick. And we have something planned months ahead they expect me to get "cured" so I won't make my husband and son miss out. Oh yeah, they are big button pushers. Just being around them stresses me enough to have an attack of D!Jennifer

 

[Homebound]

Mostly I would say my Mother-in-law. But really everyone of my in-laws are button pushers. They all don't take my IBS seriously. They all act like it's a big inconvience to them, and that I'm making it up to make their lives miserable. They think I use it as an excuse to get out of going places with them. They think I'm not doing enough to get "cured". And they always ask me if the doctors found out what caused it for me. They don't take "It's a condition that will never go away, and I can't help it if I get sick." They expect me to know days in advance if I'm going to be sick. And we have something planned months ahead they expect me to get "cured" so I won't make my husband and son miss out. Oh yeah, they are big button pushers. Just being around them stresses me enough to have an attack of D!Jennifer

 

[genny]

Hah, has to be my boss and coworkers. Those you say "oh you just want to get out of work". One time he called me at work when I was off sick and said I had better have a good doctor's notice and then when I couldn't get in for a couple of days (I had pneumonia) the boss said why did you wait so long to go to the doctor. well geez, you can't get in immediately fella!!!! yep, gotta be crappy bosses and coworkers.

 

[genny]

Hah, has to be my boss and coworkers. Those you say "oh you just want to get out of work". One time he called me at work when I was off sick and said I had better have a good doctor's notice and then when I couldn't get in for a couple of days (I had pneumonia) the boss said why did you wait so long to go to the doctor. well geez, you can't get in immediately fella!!!! yep, gotta be crappy bosses and coworkers.

 

[eric]

Just for the information.This is perhaps the best thing out there to explain IBS to people who don't have it. The more they understand about what IBSers go through the better."All to often, we forget that IBS not only affects the sufferer, it can have a detrimental effect onthe lives of those around the sufferer. Holidays and days out might often be cancelled orrestricted. It is not easy having IBS, it is not easy supporting an IBS sufferer either. This shortrecording is easy to understand explaining the symptoms, common fears, and the explorative teststhat IBS sufferers have to go through to be diagnosed as having IBS. For those around thesufferer, it will provide insight into this most troublesome condition. For the IBS sufferer it canbe a good source of explaining IBS when you have tried or you are tired of explaining it toothers. With gentle soothing background music this recording adds to seeing both sides of theIBS equation. Recorded by Michael Mahoney, known by many sufferers for his gentle, patientapproach and for his support in helping IBS sufferers and partners too. " http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/newibstitles.htm

 

[eric]

Just for the information.This is perhaps the best thing out there to explain IBS to people who don't have it. The more they understand about what IBSers go through the better."All to often, we forget that IBS not only affects the sufferer, it can have a detrimental effect onthe lives of those around the sufferer. Holidays and days out might often be cancelled orrestricted. It is not easy having IBS, it is not easy supporting an IBS sufferer either. This shortrecording is easy to understand explaining the symptoms, common fears, and the explorative teststhat IBS sufferers have to go through to be diagnosed as having IBS. For those around thesufferer, it will provide insight into this most troublesome condition. For the IBS sufferer it canbe a good source of explaining IBS when you have tried or you are tired of explaining it toothers. With gentle soothing background music this recording adds to seeing both sides of theIBS equation. Recorded by Michael Mahoney, known by many sufferers for his gentle, patientapproach and for his support in helping IBS sufferers and partners too. " http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/newibstitles.htm

 

[Ty]

My ex-employers. They also couldn't understand why I couldn't just pop in to see a doc immediately.

eric - That is very true. What's even more frustrating is when you do talk to someone (in my case, my ex-boss) about IBS and they still are insensitive or maybe just don't believe you. Heck, when doctors don't even believe IBS can be so debilitating, it's tough to convince your peers!

 

[Ty]

My ex-employers. They also couldn't understand why I couldn't just pop in to see a doc immediately.

eric - That is very true. What's even more frustrating is when you do talk to someone (in my case, my ex-boss) about IBS and they still are insensitive or maybe just don't believe you. Heck, when doctors don't even believe IBS can be so debilitating, it's tough to convince your peers!

 

[eric]

One of my bosses was very unsympathetic until he got his own Gi disease and then he was singing a different tune.Now I consult for him. LOLSome people will never get it, but you do the best you can. Having your family members, friends and loved ones really know and understand as much as possible, what we go through is a major plus for everyone invovled.

 

[eric]

One of my bosses was very unsympathetic until he got his own Gi disease and then he was singing a different tune.Now I consult for him. LOLSome people will never get it, but you do the best you can. Having your family members, friends and loved ones really know and understand as much as possible, what we go through is a major plus for everyone invovled.

 

[M&M]

yeah, i have to agree with ty. it is so frustrating when you try to explain and explain, and spend hours trying to help people understand that IBS doesn't just affect you when you're having an attack of D. it changes the entire way you live from day to day. the sacrifices we make to try to stay healthy, the way you have to plan everything in advance to make sure you won't have to eat somewhere you've never eaten before, or on the road, etc. the list goes on and on, and what frustrates me is after explaining all of this, to still have insensitive comments made...i feel like screaming, "were you listening at all?????" i am fortunate that my husband is so supportive. he told me last night, "don't worry if you have to cancel on them tomorrow morning, i will just call for you and then they will think it's me instead of you." what an angel! eric, i will definitely look at the link you shared. though, i'm not sure how fruitful it will be for me, because i printed up the "booklet to explain IBS to people who don't have it" off this site, and my mom expressed no interest in reading it. here is another thing she will do...when i'm on my way to the bathroom, she will stop me and try to have a long conversation, or the minute i get done in the bathroom and open the door to walk out, she will stop me to talk to me. sometimes i just ignore her. oh well i guess it will teach me patience - preparing me for when i have kids! lol ~mrs. mason

ps - thanks for all the posts!!

 

[M&M]

yeah, i have to agree with ty. it is so frustrating when you try to explain and explain, and spend hours trying to help people understand that IBS doesn't just affect you when you're having an attack of D. it changes the entire way you live from day to day. the sacrifices we make to try to stay healthy, the way you have to plan everything in advance to make sure you won't have to eat somewhere you've never eaten before, or on the road, etc. the list goes on and on, and what frustrates me is after explaining all of this, to still have insensitive comments made...i feel like screaming, "were you listening at all?????" i am fortunate that my husband is so supportive. he told me last night, "don't worry if you have to cancel on them tomorrow morning, i will just call for you and then they will think it's me instead of you." what an angel! eric, i will definitely look at the link you shared. though, i'm not sure how fruitful it will be for me, because i printed up the "booklet to explain IBS to people who don't have it" off this site, and my mom expressed no interest in reading it. here is another thing she will do...when i'm on my way to the bathroom, she will stop me and try to have a long conversation, or the minute i get done in the bathroom and open the door to walk out, she will stop me to talk to me. sometimes i just ignore her. oh well i guess it will teach me patience - preparing me for when i have kids! lol ~mrs. mason

ps - thanks for all the posts!!

 

[Julia37]

Mrs. Mason,I'm sorry, but I can't let this pass. I think your mother is being passive-aggressive. It sounds like she has issues she hasn't acknowledged and is taking them out on you.I was raised in a very toxic environment, and I've gotten relief from avoiding people who treat me this way or like zigmissus' in-laws. But I'm not married, and getting away from my parents was the key to a better life for me. I know most people won't want to take such drastic steps.I book that helped me a lot and may help you is called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.Good luck

 

[Julia37]

Mrs. Mason,I'm sorry, but I can't let this pass. I think your mother is being passive-aggressive. It sounds like she has issues she hasn't acknowledged and is taking them out on you.I was raised in a very toxic environment, and I've gotten relief from avoiding people who treat me this way or like zigmissus' in-laws. But I'm not married, and getting away from my parents was the key to a better life for me. I know most people won't want to take such drastic steps.I book that helped me a lot and may help you is called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.Good luck

 

[zigmissus]

I agree with your passive-aggressive assessment, Julia. Ini my case, it's my MIL that's so unsympathetic. My poor, late FIL actually had IBS himself. We kind of bonded over it, and she may have been jealous. She used to hound the poor guy, and complain to everyone in earshot about how he would interrupt car trips by having to stop at every bathroom and what a wet blanket he was. She acted like he was doing it just to aggravate and control her, and she seems to think I do the same to her son. My boss is definitely an offender, too. Like yours, Eric, he did eventually develop his own digestive problems, but he's STILL rude, because HE has ulcerative colitis and, as he says, I "only have IBS, which isn't serious." Of course, his UC went into remission after a few months of sulfa and prednisone, but my IBS just keeps on going and going....

 

[zigmissus]

I agree with your passive-aggressive assessment, Julia. Ini my case, it's my MIL that's so unsympathetic. My poor, late FIL actually had IBS himself. We kind of bonded over it, and she may have been jealous. She used to hound the poor guy, and complain to everyone in earshot about how he would interrupt car trips by having to stop at every bathroom and what a wet blanket he was. She acted like he was doing it just to aggravate and control her, and she seems to think I do the same to her son. My boss is definitely an offender, too. Like yours, Eric, he did eventually develop his own digestive problems, but he's STILL rude, because HE has ulcerative colitis and, as he says, I "only have IBS, which isn't serious." Of course, his UC went into remission after a few months of sulfa and prednisone, but my IBS just keeps on going and going....

 

[M&M]

julia,i must say i feel your assessment is correct. i will see if my library has a copy of the book you mentioned. sure couldn't hurt to read it!! thanks! ~mrs. mason

 

[M&M]

julia,i must say i feel your assessment is correct. i will see if my library has a copy of the book you mentioned. sure couldn't hurt to read it!! thanks! ~mrs. mason