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OkHi. I'm glad I have found this forum.I'll share some info about my experience, I'll try to be brief. I've never been able to explain this before, except to a doctor - which was very formal and didn't contain the more personal information. But hopefully this will be the start of mending me, because I'm broken.I have cc. I need to see a doctor again and I will.When I was a child (this really won't be my entire life story), I couldn't go to the toilet properly - I had to wear a diaper well into toddler years. I had a lot of siblings and was made fun of and was made to feel ashamed, I don't think my parents liked me much, I think they felt ashamed. They took me to the doctor - the conclusion must have been that I was lazy. Because this is what everyone believed, that somehow this was my choice and I was to blame. I knew it wasn't a choice, but I just accepted that this is the way I was. I went to school and at times I would smell, this continued for years it wasn't obvious all the time until I reached puberty. (I remember up until that time - well, it was very sporadically I would have unbearable stomache ache and I wouldn't be taken to the doctor...) At 14 I was taken to the doctor and they explained to me what had happened. So they gave enemas etc. and things improved, the smell has gone. But, I am always bloated, and I have been my whole life, even when I go - I've only ever gotten it all out with an enema. I don't know how to handle that information, seeing it written down. The thing is, I put up this wall and ignored the problem, it was just the way I was and there was nothing I could do. The problem was buried deep and I would get depressed and want to end it all. I still do now and then, but I've learned to live with that too. I think how I don't deserve friends or a relationship. I should tell you that blocking it out worked, I've had friends. I'd forget the pain that is always there. Well, I don't want to go into a whole psychological discussion - let's just say my mental health is pretty good all things considered. I've no idea what my life would be like if I never had this, but I am sure it would be different. In spite of the problem I have lived a fairly normal life, the demons I wrestle with aren't obvious to anybody else, I hide it very well.I am in my mid to late 20s. Really I can't believe I've had this problem for this long. I can't believe my parents didn't take me to a specialist. But that is what happened and this is the way things are. It's in my hands and I need to get help. I am trying to eat better and cutting out potentially disagreeable offenders. Getting help and facing the problem is difficult. I know from an objective view it must seem baffling why I haven't done more sooner. Even buying laxatives seems like an impossible task - but I will do it. Honestly I don't know how much repair can be done.I will be seeing a doctor.I will be taking a trip to the pharmacy.I'll be doing more exercise. Any advice is much welcomed. Even this is a major step.
 

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OkHi. I'm glad I have found this forum.I'll share some info about my experience, I'll try to be brief. I've never been able to explain this before, except to a doctor - which was very formal and didn't contain the more personal information. But hopefully this will be the start of mending me, because I'm broken.I have cc. I need to see a doctor again and I will.When I was a child (this really won't be my entire life story), I couldn't go to the toilet properly - I had to wear a diaper well into toddler years. I had a lot of siblings and was made fun of and was made to feel ashamed, I don't think my parents liked me much, I think they felt ashamed. They took me to the doctor - the conclusion must have been that I was lazy. Because this is what everyone believed, that somehow this was my choice and I was to blame. I knew it wasn't a choice, but I just accepted that this is the way I was. I went to school and at times I would smell, this continued for years it wasn't obvious all the time until I reached puberty. (I remember up until that time - well, it was very sporadically I would have unbearable stomache ache and I wouldn't be taken to the doctor...) At 14 I was taken to the doctor and they explained to me what had happened. So they gave enemas etc. and things improved, the smell has gone. But, I am always bloated, and I have been my whole life, even when I go - I've only ever gotten it all out with an enema. I don't know how to handle that information, seeing it written down. The thing is, I put up this wall and ignored the problem, it was just the way I was and there was nothing I could do. The problem was buried deep and I would get depressed and want to end it all. I still do now and then, but I've learned to live with that too. I think how I don't deserve friends or a relationship. I should tell you that blocking it out worked, I've had friends. I'd forget the pain that is always there. Well, I don't want to go into a whole psychological discussion - let's just say my mental health is pretty good all things considered. I've no idea what my life would be like if I never had this, but I am sure it would be different. In spite of the problem I have lived a fairly normal life, the demons I wrestle with aren't obvious to anybody else, I hide it very well.I am in my mid to late 20s. Really I can't believe I've had this problem for this long. I can't believe my parents didn't take me to a specialist. But that is what happened and this is the way things are. It's in my hands and I need to get help. I am trying to eat better and cutting out potentially disagreeable offenders. Getting help and facing the problem is difficult. I know from an objective view it must seem baffling why I haven't done more sooner. Even buying laxatives seems like an impossible task - but I will do it. Honestly I don't know how much repair can be done.I will be seeing a doctor.I will be taking a trip to the pharmacy.I'll be doing more exercise. Any advice is much welcomed. Even this is a major step.
 

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you are young and wise. you should not give up but instead congratulate yourself for confronting a problem that has caused you needless shame. our bodies are complex, remarkable and poorly understood. I don't know enough to speculate on what the nature or source of your challenge is but you should definitely continue to seek specific and frank advice so that you feel better. start with your family doctor but do not hesitate to branch our into specialists, including psychotherapy or other forms of mental health support. your sluggish tummy may cause your anxiety and make it harder for you to seek help, for example, rather than the other way round. you have a long life ahead of you - go for it!
 

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OkHi. I'm glad I have found this forum.I'll share some info about my experience, I'll try to be brief. I've never been able to explain this before, except to a doctor - which was very formal and didn't contain the more personal information. But hopefully this will be the start of mending me, because I'm broken.I have cc. I need to see a doctor again and I will.When I was a child (this really won't be my entire life story), I couldn't go to the toilet properly - I had to wear a diaper well into toddler years. I had a lot of siblings and was made fun of and was made to feel ashamed, I don't think my parents liked me much, I think they felt ashamed. They took me to the doctor - the conclusion must have been that I was lazy. Because this is what everyone believed, that somehow this was my choice and I was to blame. I knew it wasn't a choice, but I just accepted that this is the way I was. I went to school and at times I would smell, this continued for years it wasn't obvious all the time until I reached puberty. (I remember up until that time - well, it was very sporadically I would have unbearable stomache ache and I wouldn't be taken to the doctor...) At 14 I was taken to the doctor and they explained to me what had happened. So they gave enemas etc. and things improved, the smell has gone. But, I am always bloated, and I have been my whole life, even when I go - I've only ever gotten it all out with an enema. I don't know how to handle that information, seeing it written down. The thing is, I put up this wall and ignored the problem, it was just the way I was and there was nothing I could do. The problem was buried deep and I would get depressed and want to end it all. I still do now and then, but I've learned to live with that too. I think how I don't deserve friends or a relationship. I should tell you that blocking it out worked, I've had friends. I'd forget the pain that is always there. Well, I don't want to go into a whole psychological discussion - let's just say my mental health is pretty good all things considered. I've no idea what my life would be like if I never had this, but I am sure it would be different. In spite of the problem I have lived a fairly normal life, the demons I wrestle with aren't obvious to anybody else, I hide it very well.I am in my mid to late 20s. Really I can't believe I've had this problem for this long. I can't believe my parents didn't take me to a specialist. But that is what happened and this is the way things are. It's in my hands and I need to get help. I am trying to eat better and cutting out potentially disagreeable offenders. Getting help and facing the problem is difficult. I know from an objective view it must seem baffling why I haven't done more sooner. Even buying laxatives seems like an impossible task - but I will do it. Honestly I don't know how much repair can be done.I will be seeing a doctor.I will be taking a trip to the pharmacy.I'll be doing more exercise. Any advice is much welcomed. Even this is a major step.
 

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hi zoetrope,i have the same history with regard to ibs as you. my parents, especialy my mother always made me feel ashamed of anything to do with the toilet. when i was very young we had our house rebuilt whilst still living in it. for a long time (it seemed to me) we had a plastic chemical toilet, which my dad took away every morning to empty. this was embarassing and painful if i needed to go when the loo wasn't there. added to this if i came downstairs early in the morning needing to use the loo, i had to walk through the kitchen which was full of the men who worked for my father, all having a cuppa before the work of the day began. the bathroom door was on a rail and you could see through it all the way around. i found this whole set up so embarassing. i think, looking back as an adult who is trying to help herself, the mixture of shame and having to keep in what needed to be out had a detrimental and long lasting influence on me.i hope things improve for you, you have made the first step....don't give up.
 
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