Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is my first experience with using a online support group. Im 22 years old and have dealt with severe constipation. Ive been to the dr and never been formally diagnosed. I have also had anxiety since childhood as well as PTSD since my Mom passed away last year. I think about things I used to do out of my anxiety and feel disgusting. This is probably tmi but I have had severe constipation in the past, I resulted to using my fingers to getting that out. I would wash my hands a million times after. But it makes me feel shamed that I had to do that. Then I inadvertently would bite my nails so Im paranoid that what if my hands/ fingernails werent clean. I have a huge germ phobia as well as the fear of getting stds. Im very safe in that area. I just feel ashamed and that I dont deserve love because Ive resorted to these behaviors in the past. I havent recently done that but it just is making me feel worthless thinking about it. I just feel hopeless and dont know what to do. Im on PROZAC and go to therapy but it hasnt helped that much. Ive talked to a few trusted people and they thought the behavior was weird but said I probably wasnt the first person to use my finger. I just over analyze everything and feel like its sending me over the edge. I feel like no one will want or love me if they knew this. But I feel the urge to tell people about it or I feel that Im lying. I just dont want to feel like the only one thats ever done this. I have been using probiotics lately and they help to where I dont use my finger. But I just feel like a freak because I resorted to that in my past.