Thanks Clair, Marilyn, Eric & AZ,Few thoughts: I like having control. (I'm sure, another shock to you all.) I guess after years of feeling like I had no control over this IBS (and other stuff) I got a taste of it & want more.Subconsciously or consciously........I'm beginning to think now, doesn't matter.(Lately I would have preferred unconscious.) But I'll admit, I like to feel I'm "doing something". Laying down or sitting & relaxing is something I evidently need to practice as well. ie: Relaxing is doing something. These are old thought habits, I guess you guys call them "mind armies". Yes I need practice for sure.New neural pathways being created, yup. I get that, now. I kept thinking I must of done something wrong. I personally feel so much is riding on this hypno for me. I want it to work & just assumed I messed up somehow. (Old mind armies, in this case, well worn neural pathway with pot holes) This brought up & brings up junk from the past & the frustration of living the past 12 or 13 years trying to un-learn old stuff & replacing it with new-learned stuff. Sometimes I think I will never get out from under the mess of my childhood. I'm shocked to realize that I let this seeming failure take me right back to being up against the wall at 8 yrs. old with chin trembling.Guys if I seem like I'm losing faith in myself, please understand I'm still trying so very hard to create that in the first place. I look at my own children in amazement sometimes. They think so much of themselves already & here I am struggling to believe still that I'm lovable & capable. I wish you could really see how far I have come from the place where I was. See, just telling you isn't enough. So if you are now thinking, 'she's crazier than I thought', you are right. The hypno for me is the one thing I put my hopes in. I struggled to learn how it worked, tried to learn & understand the science type stuff. In my judgement (whatever that is worth), it is, I think, the only viable option out there for us IBS'ers. So perhaps I lost it over this, this seeming failure. But please understand, I feel like I have tried to swim to the crest of the tsunami of my childhood. The wave has, at times, pushed me so far under, I felt I couldn't breathe. But I'm still swimming. My arms ache with the exhaustion of the effort & many times I want to give up & let it wash over me. But I haven't, not yet. So if I appear confused, emotionally exhausted, impatient, hopeless; understand I know it & am fighting to keep swimming anyway. Perhaps I put too much hope in my efforts to do this hypno & get it instantly. Perhaps I overlooked, somehow, the efforts my mind is making and the time & practice it will entail to ride the crest. But as with everything in my life that I've tried to do, those efforts are qualified by the path I have walked. The tinted glasses I wear, may always be on my face, despite my best efforts.(I may always wear them as perhaps they are now just part of me) And maybe by the time I reach the crest, my time here will be over, and that is ok. Maybe it is about swimming up the wall, & that's all. So please be patient with my seeming desperateness, or "mind armies" seeming to invade. And thanks for your help & patience. I don't know what I'd do without all of you. BQ