well mate im a resonably new sufferer so i cant tell you what you wanna hear, im kinda at a loss myself. But i gotta say you sound like you really need to find some help through a real person, not just a messageboard. i know how you feel though, ive dedicated my life to travelling, its all i wanna do, and thats is threatened. But people here have given me hope and i do beleive with the right help we can get things under control in the end...stay strong