[worrybot2]

I do. My boyfriend is wonderful and supportive but sometimes I feel as though I'm dragging him down. I mean, it feel as though my life is pretty much over because of this ibs but sometimes I feel as though I'm making his life difficult because of it too. Like when I feel too ill to go out and do something and we end up having to stay in when he wanted to go out and do something. I can't drink alcohol and going out for a meal is definitely not something I enjoy as I just worry about my stomach playing up all the time.I'm never really in the mood for sex which is annoying. I still do it and mostly enjoy it but it's not the same anymore because I'm worried about my stomach and I am in pain a lot and going to the toilet all day doesn't really make you feel sexy.On top of that it can cause arguments between us. Obviously I don't expect him to put his life on hold but I can't help but resent him a little and feel jealous when he goes out with friends and has fun and I just can't do that.Anyone else feel the same?

 

[Cherrie]

HiMe too. Like this memorial weekend, I was and still am sick (although not from ibs this time, oh boy there is no break lol), and then we had to cancel all our plans and then he had to take me to the hospital and cook for me and stay in all three days. I felt bad for him, although he said he didn't mind. So I can totally relate to what you're saying. *HUGS*From what you wrote it feels like you've done your part as best as you can -- you know, you still go/dine out even if you don't feel like to most of the time. You still maintain intimacy with him even though you're in pain a lot of the time. So, I'm sure he knows, and I'm sure he appreciates your effort (even if he doesn't always say so).About the unable to go out to party when he wants to -- I have an idea and have done so before with success, maybe it's something that you could modify and use -- unless like this time I had a health crisis and do need my husband to be with me and take care of me, I always encourage him to go have fun on his own when I can't. I always tell him I'm happy to see him have fun (even if in my heart I wish I could go and I'm envious of him and all the rest of the people). And I'd love to be a very small part of the fun, too, but in my own way. So everytime he goes without me, I'd ring his cell or arrange beforehand to have him ring mine (and turn on his cell speaker) -- so I'd have a chance to say "Hi" to everyone over there. This isn't like being there in person, but, it's a lot of fun and everyone feels special and different and happy. [this is of course on condition that you know at least some of the people there partying. If you know no one or if it's a formal party like the company new year cele., esp. when there's his bosses there, then don't call.]If he's just out in a park on a trail hiking, then, it may also be fun to call or have him call you (but unless he loves it and wants to, don't occupy the entirety of his hike, leave at least 2/3 of it for him to be by himself). You two could talk about what he sees during his walk -- the sun, the trees, the lake, the passersby (and their dogs), etc., and afterwards both of you may have a different appreciation of this way of communicating and of each other. My husband and I did this every day when he was in NYC while I was in another state finishing off my classes. He would talk about the streets he passes, the subway, the people and their dogs walking by, what happened in his lab, etc.. -- I mean, it's not like things are so different everyday or the streets and shops are different every time he called, but it was nice just to be able to talk. So, like, this way, he can still have his fun and freedom, and you can still have the safety of your home when you can't go out (you do go out whenever you can, and only do this when you *really* can't go out). And more importantly, you can have a share of the fun he's having and he can share his with you -- they say that happiness grows when we share. So, might be worth a try?

And, you could also do without the call for a change sometimes and before he goes, ask him to bring back home a few fall leaves or spring flowers that he picks up from the ground during his hike, or get you a lil souvenior from where he's heading, say, apple cider from a farm that he visits, etc. -- sharing fun and feeling being together can also happen asynchronously All the best and all of us are here for you, too! Stay in touch!xoxo

 

[Genie75]

Hi, I so can relate to what you're saying. I'm not married but have a bf for 5 years. My IBS was liveable for the 1st 3 years and I was "able" to hide it. Unfortunately it got so bad that I am unable to hide it anymore. I am devastated by my symptoms and being on this bland diet most of the time and me and my bf really do not eat meals together anymore. Not because he doesnt' want to, but because I prefer to eat alone and am too tempted to eat all the #### he eats LOL, and plus he eats way later in the evening than I do. I was very hurt when he started taking up going to restaurants with his friends, etc without me. Then I realized really that is the old choice since I am not able to. Me and my bf have had a lot of problems in the past year or so, and not all of them are because of my IBS. I have gotten to the point where I have had to choose looking after myself and my IBS instead of doing everythign he wants to do. I feel the relationship might be deteriorating evern more so cause of this, and I feel like he doesnt' love me anymore. I don't think he realized I need confirmation that he still loves me even though I am battling this. On the plus side, we are the type of couple where we do a lot independently of each other, and I don't know if we're drifting apart or what but I am now attending support groups (to work on "Me") and slowly meeting new friends so I am not so dependent on him. I definitelly feel real "down" on birthdays and holidays cause I am on such a restricted diet. I decline all invites out that involve food cause I prefer to just eat my way instead of being perpetually sick. Just to be able to get thru the work day is a challenge for me some days. Many times I wish me and my bf were not together anymore, but then I get lonely. Just such a challenge for me to manage my condition with other people around.

 

[KDlady82]

Thankfully I have a very understanding fiancé. I feel bad sometimes because my symptoms keep me in the bathroom a lot and it makes it harder to accomplish things throughout the day. He often has to wait on me. I also have obsessive compulsive disorder so it takes longer in there because of my need to feel very clean. I can go out to eat but sometimes I'm nervous about being a guest at someone's house. I have a hard time with the "are you ok?" questions. I think I could benefit from therapy and medicine but I don't have insurance.

 

[thePIXEL]

I can relate to you. My IBS was the main factor in breaking up with my boyfriend a few months back. It didn't help that his uni was bit of a drive away, I just couldn't make that drive, and then have to be there and be around all his mates whilst I feel like curling up into a ball - so I rarely got to see him. I felt like such a burden, it was too stressful, had to call it off.but there were other reasons too. So Id say it's worth trying, especially as I assume he's near to you

 

[GAgirl]

I understand what you mean and it really bothers me, too. It's even worse when your family doesn't understand and they start to treat you like a burden. I feel bad when I go to a restaurant everyone else wants to go to and I can't eat anything. Then they feel badly for going, but if I were to insist we went somewhere else, they would be irritated with me. It's a no win situation most of the time. I feel that my husband was understanding about this before, but I can tell he's getting irritated with it and wishes I would just suck it up. It stinks that people want to treat this like it's no big deal because it's not life threatening, but then when they get a stomach ache or the stomach flu, they act like they're dying! I've gotten to the point that I don't like to even go out to eat anymore. I always get a stomach ache because all restaurants season EVERYTHING! There's always going to be some kind of spice in the food that will set my stomach off. So, I know what you mean. I wish there was some way to explain to the people in our lives how much this does really effect us so they would be willing to be a little more sensitive about it. I think a large part of socializing revolves around food and that really stinks when you're trying to date with IBS. There were several times I dated and the guy was put off by my restricted diet. I felt I was really lucky when I met my husband because he was very understanding, but it has started to wear on him. The only thing I know to do is to tell him that it's pretty hard on me and I really wish I didn't have to deal with it, either. I hope it gets better for you guys.

 

[Yarm]

All of your comments resonate with me. I rarely, if ever, eat out. My hubby (of 17 years) is very supportive but on Thanksgiving his family went out for dinner and I didn't go. My three kids went with him and I stayed home because it was a fixed menu and there was no way I could eat it.I stayed home and watched a movie.Like all of you, I can't eat at other people's places... the list of don't eats is too long and most people use too much fat for my delicate stomach.When we went on holiday this summer we rented a cottage and I cooked all my meals. My family and extended family (in-laws) went out to really nice restaurants every evening.It really does take a toll on your social life and your significant other has to make changes to accommodate your needs... never easy!

 

[whiteelephant]

I agree with so many comments in this thread, is glad to know you are not alone at times My fiancée has been great about my IBS but I do feel like a burden at times, especially when it comes to eating out. I have a great appetite, I love food but at the same time I like to choose where we eat. Indian food really upsets my stomach, also any fast food tends to be a no-no, which I know annoys him. I will often just eat wherever he suggests, even though I know that I will pay for it afterwards as I hate causing any problems, I refuse to let my IBS control me but it does get me down. I permanently keep antacids in my handbag, though I have recently been on Lansoprazole, helps the acid pains but seems to make the bloating worse, can't win I wish it would go away, am fed up of spending half my mornings going to the toilet and back, and spending the rest of the day either rubbing my stomach or complaining about 'it. I know I do push him away at times, though luckily he is understanding and doesn't give in easily!

 

[shalsays]

This is exactly like me. I feel like I bring my boyfriend down, I can't drink, I can't eat out, I can't go on vacations with him. But I've learned to suck it up, and just chill. My boyfriend is the only person I feel comfortable with. If my stomach hurts he would do anything to help me. And just knowing that makes me feel more calm. We went to Disney a few weeks ago and we were going to the park the day we checked out of the hotel. I was worried because if I started feeling bad, I would want to go back to the hotel or home. But since there was no more hotel and home was 3 hours away, it stressed me out. He proceeded to tell me that he would leave the park and we would find a hotel and chill there till I felt better. I didn't have one single problem at the park and the whole ride home!! But I have thought about breaking up with him, for his sake. I feel like we're never going to get anywhere. I don't want to drag him down. I would mention it to your boyfriend, just tell him that you're scared you're going to break him down. My boyfriend reassured me that he could deal with it, and life is so much better with ME in it even with all my problems. I'm sure yours will say the same thing. It makes me feel better that he does want to stick it out with me even if I have ibs. I know its hard and rough dealing with something for the rest of your life, but why throw away a good thing if you don't need to? That is the way I see it, I still get a little down about it. I just want him to be happy and if hes happy with me then why not? And about going out to dinner, why can't you just go with him and not eat? Just eat when you get home. Thats what I do, yes it sucks having to see everyone eat. But its better than stomach cramps and I still get to socialize!

 

[life_goes_on]

I completely feel this way sometimes. My boyfriend is absolutely amazing and always reassures me that he loves me and that he loves being there for me regardless but I still can't help but wonder "what would he be doing if he didn't have to sit around with me on the weekends because i'm too sick/scared to go out like a normal person?" The only thing that makes me feel better is that I love taking care of him when gets sick (regular illnesses). Kind of my way of giving back to him because he is always so great with me. It's also something he knew about pretty early on because it's not something you can really hide. I make sure that I encourage him to go out with his friends because I would hate to feel like I hold him back, but he still chooses me.. so I guess that's a good sign.

 

[burgers83]

Hello!I feel exactly the same. I got IBS a year after I started dating my boyfriend and before that we would go out and eat whatever we wanted with no worries in the world and go out a lot drinking with friends and socialising and traveling etc. But since I got IBS I've been glued to the apartment while he asks me to come out a lot but I have to say no because I'm sick. Sometimes he gets a bit sad about it or mad but I can't do much about it.Its nice that he understands though