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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hey allive been with my bf for 3 1/2 years and he knows about my ibs. The problem is becasue of my ibs, i cant really go out and socialize. My bf loves to socialize and hang out. I would go out and socialise too, if i could, but it sucks coz i cant do anything simple, like going to the movies or eating out. And when we talk, my bf tells me he has no life coz we only watch movies at my house, and i feel like im holding him back from alot of things.Do any of you feel depressed over this? are any of you in a similar situation? please give me advice.
 

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I actually had to bail out on New Year's Eve plans because I wasn't feeling so hot - I wound up spending the evening at my boyfriend's house - I was more comfortable being there instead of home because his family wasn't there and therefore my embarassment level was down - It was actually a pretty good night. I've been dating my boyfriend for over four years and have had IBS for about a year and a half, though I wasn't really diagnosed for much longer. I've found it helps to be completely frank about things - If he understands what you go through than it's a lot easier to be understanding. However, even with that level of understanding, it can still be frustrating for him. Basically, I try to be active when I can - If it's a good day for me than I feel more comfortable going out. This is easier for me to say since I presently have medication success, though I followed that practice even when I wasn't so lucky.
 

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i feel bad sometimes when we have to cancel our plans because im ill but usually the only thing i hold him back from is take away food ! generally im quite determined not to let it ruin my life !
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
thanks for responding. heres another issue im going through....my boyfriends birthday is coming up and he ALWAYS has a dinner. he has his "friend" set up his birthday dinner and its usually far away, and the worse part is, its spicy food (thats a hazard to my health). Anyhow, i feel like **** coz i cant go. what are your views on that? he already thinks i dont want to be social with his friends.
 

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what kind of restaurant are you going to? (if its a restaurant) im sure they will do some stuff that isnt so spicy i went to Nando's recently and had a very nice none spicy chicken dish
if you're eating at home maybe you could just join in without eating
 

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Hey Joy! I know how you feel when you say you feel like **** cuz you can't go out for dinner at that restaurant to celebrate your bf's bday. There's many times when I feel like that. The other day, I got invited to go on a boatcruise with 2 of my friends... gourmet buffet and everything. People basically just go on it to eat the food so I know if I went I'd have to eat something or ppl will be staring (especially if I got the tickets for free). Anyways, my first reaction to the invite was "NO WAY!" just because, I dont think I'd be able to handle it. It's not like I'd be able to go to the captain and tell him to turn the boat around for ME. But somehow... they convinced me to go! Everything was just as I expected, only FUN! Formal dinner, dancing, drinks... I even ate! Not a lot, just enough so no one would be staring.Now... you're probably wondering where this story is going. I'm getting there! I think we tend to expect the WORST outcomes when we go out to a big functional party/event. But, when it comes down to it... it's not all that bad. I'm really sketchy when it comes to going out too but sometimes you just gotta do it! After, you'd be glad you did. I'm not saying I'm healthy enough to attend every party/event I come across because I know there'll be plenty ahead that I'll refuse but some events deserve a chance. Having the attitude where you say you "can't" doesn't help. The more you consider it the more likely your attitude is prepped to: I "can" go.I know there will be obstacles that you'd have to face such as the distance and the food but... If I can do it Joy, I'm sure you can too. Good luck!
~*LoRie*~
 
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i'm gonna have to backup westside here, and say that sometimes you should go even if you're nervous about it. you can't just always stay in because you're worried about getting sick. it just gets worse if you don't push yourself, then you end up housebound and missing out on all the fun!if it's the eating out that bothers you, you can always have something to eat before you go, and then just go for fun. and if the restaurant is a style of food you can't have or there is a limited selection, just ask for them to whip you up a plain salad. you can even call ahead and ask what your options are and let them know you're coming just to make sure.another thing that helps no matter where you are, is just getting really comfortable with using public washrooms. then you know that if you feel ill, you can just go hang out there till you're ready to go again. some good places when you're out and about are gas stations (which are often pretty clean, surprisingly), fast food or coffe shops, and big hotels. any public building is usually good too--colleges, libraries, community centres. if it makes you feel better, make a list of places with good bathrooms so you always know where to go!finally, since your boyfriend knows about your condition, just explain that you're going to be daring and come out with them, but that you're bringing cab fare, and if you feel sick partway through, you're gonna head home. it's better to try, and maybe it'll all go fine!man, what's with this west coast positivity? you'd think with all the rain we'd be hibernating! ;-)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
hey guysthanks for the advice. Ive tried going to dinner parties, and well....i just cant eat anything. my stomache is sooo bad. and people ask me if im trying to lose weight, or if ive turned anorexic, or some bs. it just sucks to have ibs. its about 9 pm and im actually going out to watch a movie. im pretty happy, but hungry as hell. ive been starving all day just to go out tonight. anyhow, thanks for the advice, guys.
 

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i know how you feel, most people would love to get invitations to weddings, parties, dinners etc. but usually i dread them!! but i think that is part of the problem, the more nevous you get, the worse your tummy gets it's a viscous miserable circle. have you tried using imodium or anything like that? or been perscribed anything by your doctor? i use it on special occasions or when my symptoms get really bad.i found it difficult telling my boyfriend hid most of my feelings untill we we went on holiday ....camping with his whole family! there was 4 toilets between about two hundred people an ibs sufferers worst nightmare and to top it off i was really bad with D. but he sat with me most of the night infront of the toilets as i was a whaling mess. i was so embarressed but you get through it. it's important to but it into prespective, and everyone gets a bad tummy we just get it ALOT more often!!
 

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I hear ya lolly_field about camping trips, also my worst nightmare. Few toilets and they are all so disgusting, plus there's the added nervousness of being on a hike or something and no toilet around at all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
i guess when i think about it, my job isnt all that bad. i work at the airport and there are TONS of bathrooms. I fingerprint forigners, so its pretty much a "no brainer" job. Only problem is when i get to work in the mornings....thats a pain in the ass. I wake up at 4 am to get to work at 8 coz i sit my ass on the toilet...anyhow, my coworkers would invite me to go to lunch with them, and even though ive told them my ibs problem, for some reason, they think im anorexic. go figure. about the eating out situation, I just gave up on that one. For my birthday, i wanted to go to a really really nice restaurant, and my boyfriend was sooo sweet, he got a hotel room right across from the restaurant (it was in downtown) and he kept reassuring me that if i needed to go to the bathroom, i just gotta run across the street. haha what a birthday surprise.
 

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That was so sweet of your bf! All the more reason why you should go to his bday! I wish I can find a guy like that...Oh ya, this rain sucks doesn't it Midge?! What is it now... 24 days in a row??
~*LoRie*~
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
that was sweet, but its just a pain in the ass not being able to go out and do what ever i want. sometimes i think people dont realize how much they take things for granted. for me, just being able to go out at night is such a big deal. oh yeah, have any of you girls ever been a bridesmaid? if so, how did you deal with your ibs? im going to be in a wedding two weeks from now, and im sorta nervous
 
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lorie-- seriously, how am i supposed to want to go to an optional meeting this afternoon, when i know i'll be drenched by the time i get there???joy-- i was a bridesmaid once, quite a while ago now. it was in LA and it was incredibly hot, there was no A/C in the church, it was a really long ceremony... basically it was not the most fun. i was so pooped by the end of the dinner that i just went and lounged on a couch in the hotel lobby for the rest of the evening!
 

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Hey! I have been having the same exact problem, I am a movie freak to begin with and would prefer to stay home and watch movies over practically anything, but my boyfriend is not the same at all, he hates to just sit and watch them. I too feel like I hold us back in our social life, but thankfully he is undestanding, although I know it gets fustrating. Every year on my birthday we plan to go out to our favorite chinese restaurant, but we always end up getting it to go, since I get so nervous then my stomach hurts. When we were first together he would invite me to his parents house for dinner, and that would be embarassing, most of the time I wouldnt even eat, saying that I was a vegetarian (which I was for the most part, but that wasnt the reason), now if we go and eat there I just take some immodium first, and he knows that I will be having to leave shortly after dinner to go home, and that makes it a lot easier.
 
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