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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
does anybody relate to my feeling that i can't lead a somewhat normal life because of my ibs? i am too worried about being embarassed by bathroom noises and rushes in the morning to allow myself to spend the night with someone. i live in nyc, spaces are small, everyone knows & hears everything. i would be horrified to let someone in, i can't have deeper relationships with men i date because i won't let them stay over. it sounds stupid, but it's a real problem. i feel really alone.
 

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hi. i know what you're talking about. today i am lucky and blessed with a man in my life who gets it and understands. however, in the past, these were a few of my tricks: make sure that wherever you are there's a door on the bathroom that cuts it off from the bedroom, ha ha ha, put a small (or large) radio in the bathroom and turn it on when you're in there, run the water (old old trick,) get up hours before your company or man does, don't stay as a guest in other peoples' homes incl. family unless you get your own bathroom, use hotels or don't travel, etc. listen, the first summer i was with my man, years ago, he took me camping where i had to share communal loos with a hundred strangers in the middle of the woods, a half mile from our tent. you can imagine my distress and discomfort. well, i got up at dawn before anyone else, made tea, grabbed my smokes and a journal, went hiking off to the latrines, parked myself outside on the deck, and wrote and drank and smoked whilst waiting to poop, resigning myself to being constipated for the duration. of course, after this trip, i told him: i need my own bathroom, i'm not a communal camper sort of person, etc. and we're still together! seriously, - getting up hours before anyone else helps.....g-
 

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I know exactly what you mean! I feel like I can't live my life in many ways because of IBS, and this is definitely one of them. I am very lucky to have a man in my life who is understanding of my bathroom issues. At home in my apartment, when I have to use the bathroom, I ask him to go into the farstest room from the bathroom when I have to use it. If I know he is in hearing distance, I just simply wont go. THis works fne while at home. We were recently in Ireland, staying at very small B&Bs where the bathrooms were only a couple feet away from the bed. The way my IBS works is that I have to use the bathroom upon first waking up. I was so concerned that he would hear my bathroom noises (which he inevitably did), but I just had to suck it up and hope that he could accept me. I think that most men are understanding and notice less than we think they do. My advice to you...put a tv on for extra noise, run the shower, or use a fan for noise when you are in the bathroom.I hate to see you let this conrol you.
 

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I can totally relate to what you are saying, I feel like my life revolves around my gut and it makes me feel completely out of control. I don't get enough sleep because I have to get up sp early to ensure my bowels are empty so I can start the day, if I can't I'm in pain, have gas and generally feel disgusting. Ghitta: I notice you advocate waking early as a solution but this frightens me as it's something I've been doing for the past few years and it's making my life hell, is there really no alternative? I'm a student and it means socialising is difficult, relationships are out of the question, I can never stay over at anyone else's and I spend far too much time planning around my gut. Even if I do get up very early I still often have a lot of problems. Clearly I can't expect any real changes until my weight has gone up and I am much stronger and my anorexia is under control. however during a period over the last few years where I was actually doing reasonably well regarding my eating disorder I still had dreadful ibs. The IBS is making it very hard for me to eat. Do you really think the only way out is crack of dawn cigarettes (I seem to have become dependent on the cigs to go as well)...sorry to be sounding so miserable but I am desparate!!!
 

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I'm the same too. My husband (thank God) is very understanding but it interferes with SO much of my life. For instance, he is going to see his parents that live in another state and is going to stay with them to save money on a hotel. Of course, there is NO WAY I can go because I cannot stay with anyone-it's such a bummer.
 

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I can so relate to what you guys are talking about; I have to get up at 5 am in order to go to the bathroom; then i have to sit at the computer for an hour to go again (both times just a little bit, enough to get comfortable until the next day). I don't know how I got married (4 years ago) with this problem; i have sort of discussed it with my husband, how i am embarrased by noises, gas, etc. So when we travel and have to stay in a itsy bitsy hotel room within earshot of the bathroom, i can hardly stand it. i can hardly go at all. I have no other room to go to and try and relax . it is dreadful. When we go and visit my husband's daughter who has a beautiful house in Manassas Virginia, we have to stay in a hotel because i couldn't imagine using the bathroom at her home. My husband told her i am a "private person" What else can he say? I think about my gut most all of the time. I went to a colo-rectal surgeon today (just to discuss my problem) and I suggested to him that perhaps the anal-rectal sphincter had stenosed (which means to get narrow), which may be the reason i can only pass a small amount of poop, no matter how much there is; i suggested this could be because i took MOM for 10 years every day; it was liquid only and thus the anal-rectal area(or sphincter) may have almost closed up or gotten so narrow that hardly anything solid can come out now . He thought that might be the case but of course he has to do a sigmoidoscopy to find out for sure.Anyway, I hate this friggin problem; i hate having to get up at 5 am; i hate thinking about this all the time. yuck
 

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My IBS started just before I met my fiance. In the beginning of our relationship I was so afraid he would hear me in the bathroom that I ended up not going. He lived in a small apartment and there was nowhere he could go that wasn't within hearing distance. At night I would not be able to sleep because I was afraid of the gas pains I would get and I would embarrass myself. He has been great through it all and we even joke around about the noises my gut makes. His ex-wife has Crohn's disease and his mom has IBS and diverticulitis (which I also have) so he knows about these types of disorders. Even though he is understanding it is still difficult. Today I was sitting at my desk with the other girls in the office and the power was off so we couldn't do any work. Of course it is very quiet with nothing running and my gut begins to make those nice loud noises. I always have to make some excuse like I am hungry or something.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
i am so glad i am not alone in this. you all seem to have found ways to cope with the relationship/bathroom issues, which is great. if it makes anybody who gets up early for their gut feel better, i have to get up at 4 a.m....to have time to drink tea, smoke, poop, and get to work by/before 7 a.m. how ridiculous is that? but it's the only way! it really limits my social life, since i am exausted by 8 p.m. also, when i lived with my boyfriend (who works similar hours) it was literally impossible to get up and have time before he got up. getting up at 3 a.m. is not an acceptable or reasonable way to live.
 

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ME TOO! I'm not in a relationship now, but have been... Things were okay then, but I often wonder how I will ever share a living space with someone again. I'd have to add a new bathroom (sound proof!). It sucks that these are things I daydream about
! I've never thought of getting up early. I get up at the same time every day and hope that I can go to the bathroom. Sometimes I can; sometimes I can't.Anyway, hang in there. You are not alone, and people will probably be more understanding than you think.
 

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..and about the noise..Unfortunatley, you haven't had the opportunityto live in a frat house, or in a house/apartment with a large group of guys.It gets disgusting pretty quickly, and any senseof self-consiousness will quickly go away, as there's always somebody making grosser sounds in the bathroom. Plus, the most gross guys are usually proud of it..haha..Here's to hope,
 

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I know exactly how you feel- my whole life revolves around my pooping schedule- early mornings with coffee- after lunch with coffee and while I cook dinner I have beer because that really really clears me out- my husband is wonderful but I m sure he must get tired of our schedule always being about me and poop time- I wish I could go one huge time in the morning and be done for the day- UH!!! anyway it sure helps to know I'm not alone- for 20 years I've felt like a freak bc of the ibs and all I go through just to go. I pray for myself and all of you guys every day!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
life revolving around pooping needs...who knew? i feel like my body is running my life, and trying to ruin it. you all are so, so lucky to have understanding companions. i think my boyfriend would understand, kind of, but i'm afraid it will just add to the list of things he has to "understand" about me, and maybe, just maybe be the one too many thing. i am chronically depressed, with sporadic bouts of extreme clinical depression and anxiety. that takes a lot of understanding...personally, i don't know why he sticks around, i would probably be in the next state by now if i had to deal with me. if i could, actually, i would leave me in a second. it's a bummer i can't get out.
 

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I feel awful that you feel so bad right now. Trust me, I have been there...I recently started seeing a therapist just to combat my unhappiness about my IBS. I too believe that it controls my life and think that I would be at a different place in my life if not for the IBS. I try my best to deal with it, but it is hard, especially when I am sick for at least 10 days each month. I think that your boyfriend will understand. Just tell him that it is important that you share this with him because it is right now a major factor in your life. I hope things start to go better for you. What are your main problems with IBS...feel free to check out my posting "Let's All List the Things That Help Us". I found some things in there helpful. Feel free to write to me anytime.
 

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I am so glad that there are people out there like me! I have not been able to keep a job because I am always sick. My husband is the best, sometimes he has sympathy pains like my IBS. Sometimes my guts are soooo sore that it hurts to breathe. My whole life revolves around the bathroom, good thing I like my bathroom. We have just moved into our new house and my bathroom is IBS friendly, a radio, a laptop, my dogs can fit in there with me, so I guess it helps if you like your bathroom.
 

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i cannot believe i have lived with this for 40 years and thought i was alone...my husband is very supportive, but my bowels control my life..my ibs determines if my whole family has a good day or not, i really thought i was a freak.
 
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