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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I mean... why not, right? I look like a ghost, I'm skinny as hell, and I'm always sick thus I look like hell.What's to love, really?Why wouldn't she want to upgrade?
 

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I feel this too sometimes. I love my BF to bits, and he loves me too. I haven't lost weight with this condition, infact put a wee bit on, and can't find any energy to exercise it off. However its because I love and trust my Bf that I trust that he will support me, and not cheat on me. Maybe you could chat with your other half and let them know your feelings. Depends on what your relationship is like I guess.
 

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I know how you feel!My bf is very supportive and reassuring, but I figure that there is only so much a person can handle. I dont know how much more he can put up with my whingeing and being sick all the time. Not to mention, our sex life has died due to me never feeling up to it..... So I know where your coming from, just feel like im waiting for him to wake up to himself, and find someone better!
 

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Hey, I know exactly how you feel, I always wonder how much more of me he can put up with, im always sick, and tired, and I feel like im always holding him back. Like there is only so much a person can stand, no matter how much they love you right? Not to mention our sex life is almost dead, cos I never feel up to it anymore. I feel like im just waiting around for him to wake up to himself and find someone better!
 

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Hello, I have had ibs since i was about 17, I have just come out of a relationship that lasted for about a year recently, first time I lived with someone else, slept in the same bed with them etc, which were big fears for me going into it, alot of the reasons we broke up were caused by IBS, went and stayed with her parents and felt awful the whole time, i think the stress etc compounded it, then she wanted me to go to her friends wedding, which would of been like a 2 week holiday, but i came up with every excuse short of the real one to back out of it and it hurt her alot that i didnt go, after that we drifted apart, didnt feel like going out alot and it was very hard on her, it was tough breaking up, you feel alot of conflicting emotions, the worst thing you can do is blame yourself, i think you just have to accept that maybe its just not meant to be and move on, that was the hardest part and it took a while,but on the positive side, im really enjoying the single life again, i think you have to have a really open and honest relationship and be able to explore and discuss every aspect of your life together, dont try and shut them out and dont feel guilty for involving them in your problems, hopefully they'll always be there for you no matter what, and by having really open and honest communication with each other you can face it together, the worst thing you can do is start to get paranoid and close yourself off because you risk driving the other person away, believe me if i could change things i would of been alot more open and honest, a problem shared is a problem halved as they say
 

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as far as getting cheated on,the way i deal with it personally if im with someone, is i just think, they are with me, why would they want to be with anyone else, if it happens it happens and deal with it if it does, but if you worry about it, it can impact your relationship, and if the other person knows this and thinks you think they might cheat on you then they begin to think you dont trust them and trust is the cornerstone of any relationship
 

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Angst, attraction is not all about looks! My boyfriend is losing his hair and I love him just as much if not more. I love quirky things about him like his big feet and deep voice. If he loses weight or is ill, he looks vulnerable, which brings out my maternal instincts so I feel v.loving and protective towards him. Also, you may be skinny and pale, but you can improve your image. Wear nice clothes and sexy aftershave that she likes. Make an effort for her. Be funny and romantic and a good listener. Get good at oral sex. Do spontaneous stuff like buying her chocolates and flowers. And most importantly, act confident and believe you're worthy of her because people tend to take you at ur own value.I used to worry a lot about my boyfriend cheating on me. When you have IBS it's easy to be moody and withdrawn and disinterested in sex and your appearence. It's this that encourages a partner to cheat, not looking ill!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Sukie:Yeah but what if I'm sick all the time? Will she feel maternal all the time? I feel like an invalid at some points.I wear nice clothes, cologne, deoderant, etc. I am funny and romantic and a good listener. However some days (5-6 times a year) I get depressed for a few days so I can't be funny then.Get good at oral sex? LOL? I already am, but would like to know why that's a requirement?
 

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A lot of women are very maternal and like to take care of guys, even if they're ill regularly. Just avoid the energetic high-maintenance type of girlfriend! Also, plenty of girls I know would much rather stay in with a guy who is romantic and funny than go out with an arrogant model man.Being depressed for a few days 5-6 times a year shouldn't drive a girlfriend away, even people who don't get depressed go through low/moody phases. Great oral sex? It will always raise you high in a woman's esteem!
 

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quote:Originally posted by angst:What's to love, really?Why wouldn't she want to upgrade?
Angst -- like Sukie and others said, there's much more to a person than appearance (looking ill, etc.) -- you said your funny and romantic, which is something really valuable in a woman's eyes! That's a lot for your g/f to love! with an average person, it is NOT being sick regularly that will drive her away; it is some of the following that frustrate her (i'm truly not saying you do those, i'm sure you don't! just saying this so you'll have peace of mind): stuff like, taking her care for granted, forgetting to thank/appreciate her for the small things she does, shutting her out of your problem instead of letting her in, getting moody without letting her know that your feeling sick at the moment, or too involved in one's own problem and forget to care about hers or how she feels, etc.. Like i said, i'm sure you don't do any of the above! so, you know, it's more for peace of mind!if it's only your ibs, there's really no reason for a reasonable g/f to want to "upgrade," if you don't put yourself down in that position, nobody can do that to you -- please believe that you're already the "upgrade!" and there's nobody "up" above you!! and if you believe this, your g/f and other people around you will all believe. confidence will only add to a person's attractiveness. (i'm married so i don't usually post here, but this time, i can't hold my tongue anymore... Just sharing what i know as a woman who's been through the b/f stuff, really not meant to lecture (hope that's not what it feels like...) and hope i'm making sense... and Best Wishes!
)
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
quote:with an average person, it is NOT being sick regularly that will drive her away; it is some of the following that frustrate her (i'm truly not saying you do those, i'm sure you don't! just saying this so you'll have peace of mind): stuff like, taking her care for granted, forgetting to thank/appreciate her for the small things she does, shutting her out of your problem instead of letting her in, getting moody without letting her know that your feeling sick at the moment, or too involved in one's own problem and forget to care about hers or how she feels, etc.. Like i said, i'm sure you don't do any of the above! so, you know, it's more for peace of mind!
Yeah, I don't do any of that.
quote:Great oral sex? It will always raise you high in a woman's esteem!
Yes, but she doesn't want me to do that lately... she feels self-conscious by putting on weight (we had a talk). I tell her that she's hot and sexy all the time, though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Well, it's over. She dumped me this morning. We were having a reoccuring argument (she was starting fights) and get she was getting mad at me for how I reacted (I just called her on them).
 

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Angst, I am sorry to read this final posting. It is just another aspect of this miserable condition. It is also another reason to keep up the search.Good luck to you.Mark
 

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((hugs)) I'm sorry you are hurting right now
Perhaps part of the break up is her own insecurities about her weight, unfortunately when us girls put on some weight it doesn't matter how great our other half says we look, we still feel c#%p about it
Hang in there, I understand how you were feeling. I think it crosses all of us who have a "normal" other half brains sometimes that they'd be better off without us, etc etc. But you know what. We have good qualities too! We aren't our IBS, it's just a part of us and anyone who loves you will accept you IBS and all.
 

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quote:Originally posted by Screamer:We aren't our IBS, it's just a part of us and anyone who loves you will accept you IBS and all.
This, of course, is absolutely true, Amy; and a good thing to keep in mind. Unfortunately, even normals who love each other have relationship problems. It is just when you add in "I never feel good," "I'm always tired," "I can't go out (to eat/drink/dance/see your favourite band/go to the show/go to the museum/go on a holiday)," "I feel too yucky," etc etc it just wears things down and eventually guilt takes over.Don't give up. Try not to medicate yourself so much that you lose touch with why you want to live. Don't just buy cases of diapers or Immodium. Get as many tests for as many possibile causes as you can talk your doctor out of. Fight to win.Mark
 

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Hi, Angst -- i don't know what to say... i'm so, so sorry to hear this...
...i think Amy is definitely right about the girl's insecurity about her own weight problem. and it is for sure that normals have all sorts of relationship problems and sometimes they break up for the most ridiculous reason -- it's never easy especially when there's this added layer of ibs... But, you know, if she chose to do so, it is her own loss!! don't give up! although it may not be today, but i'm sure one day soon, you'll find someone who truly loves you and sees how wonderful you are (someone who truly loves you won't let ibs stop her from being with you!). hang in there...
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I don't think it's her own insecurities per se, I think she has ISSUES she needs to work out. I think she prefers to start fights so people treat her like #### (she has a lot of friends that do really really mean things to her and she keeps taking them back as friends). She started lots of fights with me and always tried to flip the blame. Oddly, non-IBS related fights.
 

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... she sounds like a tough person to be with... i'm real sorry about this -- but in this case i personally feel that it may be a better idea not to be with her...
 
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