[Mindy5124]

I just got a phone call from my sister in which she chewed me out for being such a b*tch. she also informed me that all of my family, neighbors and friends think I am a b*tch because I never go to 'gatherings' or socialize like she does. I am so mad - I have had IBS for 16 years and have done my best to explain to her and to everyone else that I DONT FEEL GOOD!!!! Its not that I hate everyone or am in a bad mood. I am miserable 24/7. I thought I did a pretty good job trying to live a normal life even with IBS. I work a full time job, have been married for 10 years, have a 4 year old daughter and a son that is due in about 3 weeks. This pregnancy has made me feel totally awful but my selfish sister has to think about only herself and said I put her in a bad mood all of the time because I don't stick around to gab when I come pick my daughter up after work. I am unsually socked with so much bloat and pain by the time I get there every afternoon that all I want to do it lay down and cry. I have told her this a thousand times. Why can't "normal" people understand? Sorry to rant and rave. I am 37 weeks pregnant and have a family that does not understand me or my IBS and I guess they never will. Even my own husband said he won't be home for a couple of hours when I called him sobbing a few minutes ago. How do I make them understand that my IBS gives me low self-esteem and gives me a different outlook on life? I wish I could make them understand how my life is and how lucky they are not to be like me.Thanks for listeningMindy

 

[mitchell goldstein]

as hard as it may seem you have to stop worrying about what other people think of you. if you can't modify their perception of you with reasonable explanations of what ails you then your main focus needs to be on how you can improve your ibs. the people that can't understand what you are going through are the one's with the more distasteful problem and not you.

 

[GailSusan]

Mindy, At times like this I'm glad I'm an only child. You can't divorce your sister. My 20 year marriage ended over my husband's intolerance for my IBS. I'm now in a relationship with someone who does understand. You can't see IBS. We can't take our friends and relatives into the bathroom with us to see how we suffer. (Geez, maybe we should.) If we suffer in silence, they think we're antisocial and if we explain our health problems they think we are neurotic. You just can't win. I totally understand your pain. ((hugs))

 

[linda48846]

Mindy - I sure do sympathize with you. None of my family members understand. They think that my IBS happens only once in a while. They do not understand that I don't feel well all the time, but then have severe attacks at times. They think that when they suffer from a little diarrhea that it's similar to what I go through.My coworker is even worse. She's a whiner. I can't stand whining and that's probably why I never complain when I have a really bad day. This woman thinks she knows what I'm going through and it couldn't possibly be as bad as her problems. She has worked in my classroom for seven years. I sure wish the principal would move her to another classroom!Hang in there Mindy - Remember we're here for you!

 

[ncottle]

Know exactly where you are coming from...I am beginning to think that this must be what everyone who suffers from IBS must also put up with family and friends feeling it is just something you can somehow "forget" and get your mind on something or get busy or go somewhere. You just feel that they are ignoring what is happening with you in order that maybe you will also ignore it. I don't know...but I just know it is something you feel coming from them that you can't really express. Sometimes you feel they are angry with you by not responding to anything you say about your symptoms. --or sometimes they just change the subject to something else or say something that just upsets you more which you don't need.

 

[Auroraheart]

I am so sorry you are surrounded by inconsiderate people.

Have you tried printing out Molly's brochure for them?

 

[eric]

Just FYIMolly Brochure http://www.ibsgroup.org/main/aboutibs.html A CD to help explain IBS to non sufferers http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/newibstitles.htm A paper you can give them. http://www.ibsgroup.org/other/usnews000403.htm Sorry to hear your having this problem. I would also try to explain to them that hormones effect IBS and right now you need some understanding for sure.

 

[Mindy5124]

Thank you so much for your kind words, I know I can always count on support from you. As soon as this baby is born I hope to be able to offer the same thing to others that need it. I definitely have not been doing a good job of that lately. Its all I can do to make it though a long day at work and get home without breaking down in pain.I have now spent about 14 hrs in total depression over yesterday. After I got off the computer last night I found a letter that my husband had written to a fried of his that said how much of a b*tch I was being to him and how he didn't see us being married for much longer. Stupid me, I thought he understood EVERYTHING about me but I guess I was wrong. This letter also contained very personal things about our relationship and I felt so betrayed and violated. The stress got to be too much that I tought I was going into labor last night. I managed to calm down somehow and made it through the night. I am even at work after only 4 hours of sleep. ONE good thing - all the stress gave me a bit of diarreah last night (im IBS_C)!. I feel less bloated today. Thanks againMindy

 

[kfleisher]

Mindy,I know what you are feeling. Some understand and some don't. What I hate is that I FEEL like no one can understand it. I had a mild case of it for little over a year then went through a very stressfull time. Now it's so bad I have lost too much weight too quickly and I am constantly feeling horrid. But you know those who truly care about you will try their upmost to understand and those who care but are being buttmunches are probably too scared to know what to do. Either way chin up and rememeber you may have something that is icky, but you are an awesome person who will have 2 beautiful kids.

 

[linr]

I give up on trying to make people understand. I now spend my energy on trying to be well and coping as best I can when I am ill. Unless someone actually has IBS I don't they could ever understand everything people with IBS go through.It would be nice if they could just except the fact that you are sick and have a little empathy though.Hang in there. Lin

 

[Melissa V]

Mindy, Warning bells are going off over here....How did you feel with your first pregnancy? Were you depressed at all before or after? You sound as if you are already experiencing some post partum depression...between the hormones, the IBS and the jerks in your life you are on overload!! You need to mention how you are REALLY feeling to your doctor and he may be able to give you some type of anti depressant or even recommend a therapist to talk to (much better than the non understanding people in your life). There are some drugs that can be used safely during pregnancy especially as far along as you are. Another option is the Hypno tapes that alot of members here have gotten help from (Mikes tapes) Use the Hop To button and check out the hypnotherapy forum if interested.You can email if you want wildfire###clanwolverine.net{{HUGS}} This IBS truely sucks!!Melissa

 

[JDA]

Mindy, if you haven't already done so it may be helpful to get your family to spend an hour on this site...to actually see that there are many others and our symptoms are unique...and that we really are sick. This may not be life threatening like some other more accepted diseases...but it is "quality of life threatening". I wish you well.

 

[Mindy5124]

MelissaI am only depressed because of what transpired yesterday. I just got off zoloft and have NO intentions of going back on them. It took me over 2 months to get myself off of them, I've got enough things controlling my life and Zoloft will no be one of them. I thank you for your concern and making me do a little thinking about myself but things were going ok until my sister (my sister who thinks the whole stinkin world revolves around her) had to play on my hormones and complain that I am mean to her. I totally believe that I am just mis-understood, that people take my shyness and insecurities as being a ######. By the way - my first pregnancy was a breeze - I also lived about 200 miles away from family!!!!Mindy

 

[cidamon]

Mindy - I totally relate re: family. Not my own, but my on-off-again boyfriend. He and I have been together 9 1/2 years (I'm 27, he's 33). And we keep breaking up because I despite his family so much - they disowned me years ago. Although I've forgiven them for what they've done to me over the years (which is A LOT, believe me), I despite the fact that they continue to control our relationship.My boyfriend has stood up to them, and told them that they will not be welcome into our home unless I am accepted. I broke it off when he did this, because I knew I couldn't stop his family from seeing their son. This has created sooooooo much anxiety for me, and I was just diagnosed with IBS (stomach pains and a little diarrhea) two weeks ago.I just wanted to let you know that there's someone else out there who can relate in terms of how family members just don't understand. My boyfriend's family definitely doesn't. And they live within the area; my own family (who is supportive/amazing, thank God) lives far, far away. Hang in there. I have my bouts with depression and crying, too (the latest being last night....my dog had diarrhea all night, incidentally. Maybe she feels what I feel?

), but somehow I manage to climb out. Just hang in there.

 

[Jeanne D]

Mindy,I fully understand. While my family does not call me names, I am usually the brunt of jokes.My sister had a great laugh over my discomfort, and "fear of pooping" as she put it.You have a lot to deal with, and right now you have to take care of YOU, and of that baby you're carrying, and your other child.If they feel that way, that's their problem.You know how you are, you are the one who knows the truth about yourself, and what others think doesn't change that.I know that's easier said than done, but you may have to seperate yourself emotionally from them, for your own sake.Please take care of yourself, and remember we understand what you're going through.We are here to offer any support we can for you.(((((HUGS))))Jeanne

 

[KLG]

Hi Mindy,Just wanted to see how you were doing? Perhaps you could consider going to a counselor first by yourself and then bringing your husband. Maybe hearing it from the mouth of a professional is what it is going to take for him to realize how it affects you both physically and emotionally. I know what it's like to have no one understand (friends and/or family). My mother and brother are the same way, and I don't think my fiance completely understands either because he's said a few things I expected to hear from an insensitive clod (yet he experiences IBS-D symptoms when stress levels are high {often}, but doesn't see it as being IBS) My mother and brother think it's a choice or something. If my brother says" I just can't believe it...I'm sorry....if you ate fruit you'd have no problems" I do eat fruit but it does nothing!!!!!!!!It's very frustrating! I feel for ya and I know things have to be rough for you going through pregnancy and having a husband who is not very supportive or understanding about the situation, as well as your sister.Besides, I am sure you aren't being a B***hfrom what you've said you sound far from it. I on the other hand can get very cranky, I think that is what the "Irritable" in irritable bowel syndrome stands for in my case. I find it hard to be patient with those who refuse to understand or be somewhat sympathetic...(when I am in pain). It just bothers me that they think that I'm a hypochondriac or something! AGGGGHHH.

Well Mindy, just wanted to let you know I sympathize with you and was concerned about how you're doing. I hope everything works out and that your sister and husband come on this site. if not, print some of the information out for them. People really should not judge you if they have no knowledge or personal experience with this disorder. Hope all is well. Kari

 

[maki]

Dear Mindy,I know exactly how you feel. I've spent 8 years explaining to family and friends why I cann't go to certain functions, especially if I need to be in a car for a long time.I have IBS D type. Their reply is always, oh come we can stop any time at a rest stop. When I have to 'go' it's now, not when we find a rest stop. It's embarrasing to explain over and over. They just don't hear you. Now I say "I don't travel anymore". I believe family and friends, as well meaning, as they are, will never understand our problem, unless they have the syndrome themselves.And I don't wish this on my worst enemy.Hang in.Maki

 

[Caddycandy]

Hi Mindy...I learned long ago not to expect anyone to appreciate what i go thru...we have to appreciate it ourselves...the good, bad, and the suffering. You will never get those around you to understand your pain because they do not feel it. Sometimes, the more you go on about it; the more deaf ears fall. It is our own personal suffering, this bulletin is a release and support for you because we suffer as well. I am in lots of pain also, I go this Tuesday for my colonscopy; my family has been sympathetic and have worried about me, but when I told them that the Dr. indicated he will be looking for IBS, and I found all this information at web sites; they were like...Oh, ok. Like it's no big deal. When we say "Irritable Bowel" most people think "oh, tempormental bowel, they must #2 a lot" It's not a disease that derives too much compassion. But we know it's a whole lot more than frequent (or in-frequent) trips to the toilet.What I do is just bear with it. I cannot expect those around me to carry a load that is not theirs. Understand I am in pain...but if I were you, I would try to get out a little more to family functions. You do have children of your own that you want to spend time with and experience life with; build good memories. Right now, you are probably just too preg., but in the future do get out. Don't stop your life, because it is true...there is always something worse. Just give yourself validation and do not look for it from others. Go easy on that husband of yours...afterall, he did not cause this. I am not a mean person...i am a single mother, also have 3 children, one of which has cerebral palsy. I don't blame you at all for complaining...this site is a great outlet for me as well.I know it sounds so simple, but Cheer Up

 

[PeacefulHart]

I have severed the ties among myself and those family members and friends who choose to judge me rather than accept me for who I am. I have developed a surrogate family.... and a friend is one who who still loves you when you are at rock bottom.I wouldn't waste a whole lot of energy worrying about what others think. What matters is what YOU think.

 

[SickNTiredOfIt]

I sure know where you are coming from. If I hear my mother say one more time "You just need to get this under control!" when she calls me and I explain I'm not feeling well ...I'm going to scream!

People without IBS ..or without any medical condition they don't have do-not-understand!