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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all: I know many of you are like me in the sense that you need to be in environment where you can relax in order to have a B.M. Well, my husband wants to go visiting his daughter and son in law in Virginia; I know if we stay at her house i will be too tense to go to the bathroom; this would be a 3 day visit; I told him this(it took all my courage) and suggested we stay at a hotel( I finally am able to go with him around though it isn't easy). He doesn't quite get it and I don't know what to do- I can't not go for three days if we stay at her house. Any ideas?I hate being like this and I know it is weird but it is what it is--
 

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I am exactly the same way. WHen we visit my husband's parents, we always stay in a hotel. That's just the way it is, or I don't go. I've told them "I have some health problems that I'm uncomfortable living in other's homes with". If they are upset, too bad. I hate to sound callous, but many people stay in hotels for lots of reasons, such as snoring.
 

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I guess you just need to try to explain it to him again and tell him exactly why. Maybe telling him that it's not just you will be the key - there are lots of people out here just like that. I know that when I'm in C mode, I need time to just sit in the bathroom. I bring a paper or something like that in with me (reminds me of dad
That's something easier to do in your own space. Even when I visit my mom who knows I've suffered with this for years and I'm very comfortable with, I use the bathroom on the other side of her house just so she won't question why I disappeared for a while.nancy
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for your input; I think I will just have to stand my ground here. I like the reason that I have health reasons- that should be good enough; I guess they will have to think of me what they will but I simply can't stay in their home; it doesn't help that my husband (who is really a doll in most ways) is a tad on the cheapo side and if he can stay free (as in his daughter's home), he will opt for that.
 

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Hi, I know exactly what you're going through! It happens to me in anybody's house that isn't my own, I just can't go. For me it's the embarrasment that someone will hear me or know what I'm doing because of the length of time i take. It is silly of course, but I can't help it. What I do to try to force myself to go (you may hate this idea!) is to take laxitives so that I have no choice. I've GOT to go. I also have various tricks to try to make sure there's no noise. I hate bathrooms that echo! I think everyone should be forced to put carpet in their bathrooms, have quiet quick filling water tanks so that one can flush more than once without it being obvious, always have plenty of toilet tissue, and always have odourisers!I also drink strong coffee because that makes me go. I may end up with D instead of C, but if I'm away for more than two days I think it's worth it. Of course if you really wanted to have a breakthrough in this area, you could try being very honest. Just tell them you have IBS. Apparently one in five people have it so maybe they do too... Not that i've been brave enough to tell people yet, but you could be an inspiration to us all!
Hope that's of some tiny help!Love Belly
 

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Holey moley am I glad I read this posting! My husband's parents live in another state, and a visit to their house is stressful enough without my IBS getting in the way. I always feel uncomfortable around them, and I've only visited them once (we've been married a short time), and that time we got to stay in a hotel because we had an event to attend and wanted to be close by. Now, he's planning another trip out there soon
, and I'm expected to go and also stay at their house! For a full week, no doubt, too!
I flip out when I think of it because I have the ultimate fear that my IBS-C will be so bad I'll get horrible stomachaches, or that I'll plug the toilet and have the ultimate embarrassment. Either way, it's torture. I never thought anyone else had these problems but me. My mom thinks I'm weird for this, and my husband doesn't really understand. Knowing that others have this problem makes me feel more at ease. I'm so bad, that even though I'm married now, I still go home to my parents' house to use their bathroom. It's so strange, but it's the only toilet I'm comfortable with. I liked the suggestion of someone saying that they needed to stay in a hotel because of a health problem. Maybe I could try that when we go out for our visit.I love this forum. Everyone here is so helpful.
 

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I am absolutely the same way. Absolutely cannot "go" in somebody else's house. Just the thought of having to stay at somebody's house would sent me into a tailspin. Especially because I have a whole lot of rituels to help me go, which can include walking around the house, doing stretching exercises, laying on the bathroom floor and massaging my left side to help "push" things out or sometimes just sitting "quietly" and alone trying to "relax" enough to get the "urge". Can you imagine going through all this in somebody else's house? They would think I was nuts. Of course I would be too self-concious to even do these rituels to begin with. STAY IN A HOTEL or don't go. Also, I can't "go" even in my own house if we have "company" for all the same reasons.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
It is nice too know we are not alone in trying to deal with this issue. It helps me get through it and I have learned so much on this board(like taking mag supplements which allow me to have a B.M.) Like Rose, I can hardly go with anyone in my house and not at all in someone else's house. You know I remember being normal (this was 15 years ago) and never even thought about poop--Oh well, those were the good old days. Like Rose and others too, I have to adhere to rituals to go at all even in a hotel. I have to get up, relax in a chair which isn't easy in a hotel so I sit on the toilet with the cover down and read a book until I get relaxed enough. Since I go two times in the morning (not normal but enough), I have to go through the relaxation thing two times. My husband wonders why I am up at 6 am and then I don't go back to sleep. I truly hate this problem.
 

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Yes, I have the same thing.....and I just came back from being away, so I just took my magnesium at night with vitamin c, had two prunes before I went to sleep and drank coffee in the morning. Took my all bran cereal with me for the morning...and you just make due. I did go everyday because I kept my rituals. Just bring whatever you need to to help you go. If I didn't do this, than I would not be going to the bathroom. Hope that helps.
 

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If for some reason you don't end up getting a hotel, you should beg your husband to take them out for breakfast (you could easily make an exuse to not go to breakfast - like you really need to sleep in or you have a headache, stomache problems in the AM). That way you end up with the house to yourself. I always do that when guests come to my house, they always want to go out for breakfast (which would ruin my morning routine) and I always back out. Of course if your husband is a cheapo... well there's always McD's.Good Luck
 

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For years I had the problems you have been discussing, couldn't go anywhere except at home in my own loo and then not even if there were visitors around, especially with all the flushing etc. ( by the way I have to have lots of laxatives etc.) so there are the problems associated with this. But now, this is the good news. As you get older you don't worry about what people think so much any more. Once I broke through the barriers and starting telling people I had bowel problems I stopped worrying so much. Tell them you have Ibs and if they would like to know more about it you can provide them with lots of literature. Don't worry about what people think. Too bad. They might have worse problems. People are much more understanding than you give them credit for. Making noises in a public toilet and bad smells used to stop me going but now I know the trick of flushing as I go and I take some spray stuff for the smell. Hope some of this helps. Regards from Australia.
 
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