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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm just so totally fed up with this - I don't think I can stand it anymore. Why does every single event if life always have to be linked to food! Seriously what is it with that. Christmas, New Year, Easter, Mothers Day, Birthdays, holidays etc... I can just feel myself getting in a total flap because i have got so many things arranged this year - that I have to do and they all involve either sitting in a church or sitting down to eat. I just can't face it anymore. I'm seriously beginning to wonder if i need to go and get some phobia help because it is getting that bad again. Everytime I get invited to a family occassion it always feels like a huge conspiracy against me, I know rationally that it isn't, but it feels like it. I honestly feel at this moment that i need to just leave the country so that i don't ever get asked to anything ever again and I feel so bad for thinking that way. I really love my family and I wish i could be "me" again but I'm not and I'm so tired of always trying to find escape routes out of things and worrying about it for months on end. What do the rest of you do? I have been to events and tried to carry on as normal but I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to spend my whole life in a panic about things and worrying about where the nearest toilet is. I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes? I'm just not feeling very positive about things at the moment and I'm sick and tired that I can't get out there and enjoy my life.
 

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Hi Claire,If it is food related triggers you are dealing with, the d could well be an inflammatory response. Check and see if there are any side effects to your old bc that could cause that or would stimulate such a response. (See if there are any references to cholesterol deposits, heart disease, etc. These can all be indicators of platelet behaviours that can lead to bowel inflammation as well as cardio problems.) If so, then the flavonoids I use might well work as well for you. Mark
 

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I know exactly how you feel,ibs has taken over my life and everything i used to enjoy.I take it you have looked into the foods that may cause your symptoms to be worse or maybe like me you have done all the exclusion diets and nothing showed up?Have you spoke to anyone professional about how you are feeling?also,sometimes you have to take a look at medications again to.
 

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Culturally many of our celebrations revolve around food... unfortunately that is just the way life is... I know it is hard... but we all need to learn to cope with that too. Life on life's terms.... not too easy sometimes. BUT not impossible either.You can do any number of things.. bring your own food to events.. eat your "safe" foods" before you go and/or expand your diet as much as is possible to be able to join in the meal at the event. At restaurants.. learn to ask the wait staff questions about how meals are prepared and go to restaurants that allow substitutions or that will leave things "on the side" etc. In other words go to places that can accomodate you. And explaing to friends if you are with them for a meal.. you will need to go to places like that. It can be done.. just takes some extra effort and preparation etc...Try to make the best of it. Or... stay in a hole... up to you.
 

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Claire-I don't know what to say to help other than you are not alone. Today I had to have lunch with a relative and then meet with our solicitor. In order to do that I took 6 imodium before lunch with buscopan-also took 40mg propanol and valium before our meeting afterwards. I still went 5x in total today-heart racing, feeling I wouldn't get through the meeting.....thinking all the time what excuse I could make to get out. Really thought propanolol was my wonder drug but for some reason it didn't really work today. Going to someones house is just the worse thing for me so we agreed to meet at a restaurant-sad when even meeting with family makes me like this. I dread the day when I can't even meet up with my kids.
 

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You will do whatever you have to to meet up with your kids Petra. I have.. for years. And you will be able to as well.Just USE each and every sucessful outing (one without an accident) as a positive. Keep track of how many times you go out and DON'T have a problem and USE that to tell yourself positive things before you go out again. Over-ride the negative thoughts with positive ones form your successful experiences. I have learned positive thinking breeds more positive thinking & negative thinking breeds more negative thinking.
 

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thanks, BQ. It just seems that every bad day cancels out every 10 good days. Negative thinking just seems to happen whereas positive thinking has to be worked at- and it is very hard to be positive when you are feeling so low. I'll give it a go though. I guess practice makes perfect-oh I wish!
 

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BQTrue what you said about the negative and positive thoughts.But it is oh so difficult when every day of life is bad,but saying that i always try to do whatever i can be it only a breath of fresh air.I push and push myself to go to family/friends, functions/weddings etc.But boy do i find it difficult!!I am going out tonight to a friends house,yes and its for dinner,but they know i have health problems so i just eat what i can and they dont mind at all.But how i wish i could be feeling well and happy without having to put a face on all the time,like everything is great.Maybe one day,i never give up hoping!Take care.
 

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I cant think positive, I do try, but knowing that when I go out I can nearly always guarnatee, I will need the toilet in a mad hurry, no matter how many Imodium I have taken, makes you say you dont want to go out especially if its with other people and to eat. I went out today to my mothers grave , got half way there and had to stop at some public toilets as I had a pinching tummy, ( had taken 2 Imodium before going out). Just leaving the cemetry and my tummy started pinching again, this time I sped home and only just made it, and I purposly hadnt eaten before going. I hate going out.
 

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I really understand where you are all coming from. For almost a week I have been fine, then today a man came to look at the bathroom radiator which isn't heating up, and the minute he arrived I wanted to go, couldn't wait until he'd finished, and have been in the toilet for ages now that he's gone. Every other day I've only been once a day, now, just because something new happens, back I go to square one. I hate all this.
 

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Petra:
Negative thinking just seems to happen whereas positive thinking has to be worked at- and it is very hard to be positive when you are feeling so low.
You have hit it exactly! It MUST be worked at. And people seem so willing to spend the energy to be sad, depressed, and self-pity-ing.. as those things can be exhausting! They do not realize it is LESS work to be positive!
I guess practice makes perfect-oh I wish!
No.."wishing" doesn't make it so. Practice is exactly what makes it so. And yes it IS work to change one's thinking but it is worthy work and very satisfying. Just start doing it ONE thought at a time. Every negative thought you have that you realize you are having... just turn it around to be a positive thought. And if you can't do this you may need help from a CBT therapist.Diana:
But it is oh so difficult when every day of life is bad
EVERYday is BAD???? EVERYDAY?! Now.. surely that can't be so. Maybe you experience symptoms everyday.. but that doesn't automatically make the day bad.... unless of course you think it so. Are you seeing how very insidious this negative thinking is??? And you can do the opposite. Turn those thoughts around.Changing thoughts is so important. And yes I KNOW it is difficult. EVERYone finds that difficult. It is NOT easy for any of us. So I would try not to focus on the "hardness" or "difficulty" of it as that can be looked at as negative thinking as well. Also keep in mind eveybody has something... SOME weakness in their bodies. NO ONE's body is perfect . Everyone has to learn to live with something.. and for us it is IBS.So "feeling well" ??? What do you mean?? What are your expectations?? To not feel ANYthing at all from your GI tract?? Because with IBS (and EVEN for those without it...) that really isn't possible. Again.. life on life's terms.And yes I know it can take some time to adjust to it and fully accept it. But IMHO doing those two things is critical.CherryPie:
I cant think positive
That simply isn't true. Of course you can. You have the capacity to learn how to do that as much as anyone else does. And FWIW.. the imodium you take right before leaving isn't going to be in your system long enough for it to effect what is already through your system & in your colon when you leave the house. Also FWIW perhaps if you had eaten before you left.. you would have triggered the colonic response and could have emptied your bowels beforehand. And yes I know that takes time and getting up way earlier.. but I find that is worth it.FWIW.. skipping meals or undereating I found always made my D worse.You say that nearly EVERYTIME you go out, you need to make a mad dash for the toliet. I think you need to actually chart that to see if it is accurate. Do you think it is possible that with ALL of the negative thinking you do that perhaps your perception might not be quite accurate? Keep track of it. Write it down. Every outing and whether or not you had to make a mad dash to the toliet and if so how many times. Go ahead.. try it..keep a record on paper that you can see. And not for nothing.. so.. you make a mad dash to the toliet?? That in my opinion is still a successful trip because you MAKE it to the toliet. Cherry it is learning to live WITH IBS not learning to do life without it! Heck anyone could do life without it... We need to learn how to cope with it IN our lives. We need to learn how to manage our symptoms to have as full a life as possible. It is a process ladies and it takes some time... so I say..why not get started .. ONE negative thought at a time. Turn them around... it IS possible.All the best
 

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BQI didnt take the Imodium just before I went out, I always take it at least an hour before I go out. I do keep a Diary of when I get the cramps and if it then leads to a mad dash to the toilet(doing this for the therapist to see) and it usually does. Doesnt matter if I take 3-4 imodium I still dont get constipated , I can literally feel the D rushing through the intestines right before I go. I know its possible to think positive, its just harder for some people to do more than others.
 

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I didnt take the Imodium just before I went out, I always take it at least an hour before I go out.
But even an hour before is not going to get the imodium in with what is already in your colon. That takes hours & hours... That's why I consistently take it with meals... everyday.. whether I am going out or not. If the diary also includes when you leave the house in addition to when you have cramps that would work.
I can literally feel the D rushing through the intestines right before I go.
Yup.. so do I."Mad Dash" .. you keep saying that.. and maybe you get anxious when you need to go. And that makes things more urgent for you. Are you up for an experiement? Next time you are home and you feel the need.. even urgently.. walk as calmly as possible to the bathroom. Get ready to sit but... don't sit yet. Instead try to calm & relax yourself as much as possible. S-l-o-w your breathing down, relax your shoulders and let your chin go slack (so your mouth is slightly open maybe) and see if the EXTREME urge leaves you a bit or backs down.
its just harder for some people to do more than others.
Yup absolutely true.. but you said "I can't" and THAT is NOT true. You can and you will! Think positively! And that means even think posivitely about your own abilities to learn and grow!
 

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How many Imodium do you take and if you only take it with meals, is that enough time for it to work before you eat. Surely you would have to take it at least 1-2 hours before food to work. I would need to take 1 Imodium before every meal.I will try your experiment, I have done it before when I had biofeedback, the physio said that if you have D you cant hold on as long as someone with a normal formed bm, as a more liquid bm cant be contained as well.
 

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Hon if I take it with meals it is then co-located with the food. You see what I mean?? I cannot expect NO diarrhea. That just isn't possible for me. I can expect LESS urgent diarrhea ...more manageable diarrhea. I have severe IBS so I have to learn to live with it.
I would need to take 1 Imodium before every meal.
Um.. yeah you might.Sure some meals I take 1 whole imodium.. other meals just 1/2 or even a 1/4. Depends on how I have been feeling or what I am about to eat or how much I am about to eat.. etc. I learned to balance it over time... just seeing what worked and what didn't.BTW..I got a pill cutter from the pharmacy.Does this help you?ETA: There are some rare times when I do not have Diarrhea.. I do experience that on rare occasions. But my hormones are my worst trigger and I really don't have much control over them. Hopefully once I get done with my monthlies.. my gut will calm down.. at least that's what I hope for and have been told by my Docs.
 

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the physio said that if you have D you cant hold on as long as someone with a normal formed bm, as a more liquid bm cant be contained as well.
Yup I know.... all to well. But I found I could hold off longer than I thought I could so that fact allowed me not to panic when I did feel the urge. And not going into a panic helped me. I got some confidence.Don't get me wrong.. my life isn't perfect.. I have accidents sometimes.. even IN my house. But I always think.. it could be worse... there are worse things to have. And those statements help me keep my perspective on life.
 

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Hi, I have been reading this discussion with much interest. I was having a very bad day yesterday and needed to vent. Firstly thanks to those of you that have so helpfully responded to me. Mark, thank you for your suggestions and I will look into that and get the old instruction booklet that came with them out and have another look through. As you know things were so much better that I actually got to the point that I atually thought i had cracked it. I even got through Christmas dinner in a relatives house and for the first time in years ate everything and really really enjoyed it with no problems what so ever. Then I got the flu and it all came back a week later. Thanks for your reply.It is nice to think I'm not alone in my feelings with this and it is a comfort to know that other people feel the same way. I really appreciate everyone that replied to my post. BQ I think for you to be such a positive person is wonderful and I have really listened to everything that you have suggested and although I will try I am not built that way. I am me, I have always been a more negative than positive person but I will try. Actually after having this for so many years I think I have managed to be pretty positive. Even though my world has crumbled around me and all my dreams been destroyed. I am very bitter about it and it has wrecked my life in the past, present and my future but I always manage a smile and to be friendly to people, have a laugh everyday etc.. they haven't got a clue. I should win an oscar for my performances but it's eating away at me - inside me and chipping away a bit more everyday. I really do appreciate your advice and your truely wonderful positive way of looking at the world it's just for me I can't suddenly have your outlook. For me this is the most devastating thing to deal with and positive thoughts aren't going to transform what ibs has ruined for me. I know there are people with things that are worse but I think having to live with this is pretty bad too. I admit I find living with this a struggle and some days I don't know if I want to.
 

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I will try I am not built that way. I am me, I have always been a more negative than positive person but I will try.
Nor was I built that way either Claire... It is ALOT of work that one must be willing to do to change one's thinking... As they say.. "Ya gotta wanna." And just keep plowing along a bit at a time and one can get their thinking to be much more positive. I am not asking anything of you all that I have not had to do myself. I was also not naturally positive and was much more the opposite. (I often wondered if that contributed to my gut trouble)It is tons of work and took loads of discipline. And if you think you can't do it.. I would argue; you most certainly can. Because if I could do it.. anyone can.
 

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I'm really glad that people on here get the same problems as I do.....noone in my family has IBS and they just don't understand...my mum asked me today if i wanted to go to minorca with them in the summer....in my head i thought are you crazy i struggle to go to the local pub let alone get on a plane! But i just said i wouldnt because i would worry about it. The thing is even though she tries to understand i dont think she really understands what i'm going through. My life is strange...i seem to be ok doing things on my own but if it involves other people i'm a bag of nerves which sets off my IBS bad! So basically i may as well be a hermet or go an live on a desert island alone! I even have 8 pets and what i love about them is they don't care about my toilet issues they love me no matter what and my cat gets IBS when he goes to the vet which is ironic really because i get IBS stressing about taking him to the vet lol...you know what they say though...like pet like owner lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Hi Sal,Yep I totally understand that whole vet thing. Anything with people, waiting rooms, chairs, etc... basically set me off. I gave up the pub a while ago now - I know I shouldn't give up doing things but it becomes such a nightmare getting ready etc.. it takes all the enjoyment out of everything so I just don't bother now. My best friend is my telly and my chair and my animals because like you say they don't care about what I look like, how many times I have to go to the toilet, or if I'm late.I am practically a hermit now - which is my choice because I don't worry so much but I'm lonely. I can't wiat for my days off during the week because I know that I can have a lie-in and not have to stress about going anywhere and sitting on the toilet for hours. So I do mostly prefer to stay in on my days off although I do have to go to the shops etc..but it's such a relief knowing I don't have to leave.
 
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