[zayaka26]

I do not know where to post this.

I just came home from a concert and I'm feeling so low. That is because the concert was given by the tuna I will be auditioning for pretty soon and my low self steem is wanting to take over.I was not like this before; not at all. In fact I used to be the one that was always president of the class, the one who would talk in front, play with my friends, etc. To say that IBS has taken my self steem to not believing I can do anything that involves performing is not to exagerate.

I hate myself when I get stuck in that negative mode, but somehow it feels so hard to just snap out of it and start believeing that I can go on stage and do well. Sometimes (many times) I have thought about giving it up and just dedicate myself to do something else. Oh well... Sorry for the rant.

 

[bloomers]

Zay - please don't give up on yourself. Although I totally know where you are coming from - I've been there myself. All the while I was on my business trip I kept thinking "is this worth it? Should I find a job that doesn't involve travel? Should I give in to my husbands wishes of moving away from the city where expenses are low just so I can quit my job and stay home where its safe?" And in my heart I know the answer is that would be crazy. Staying home would only make me more agoraphobic and what kind of boring life would that be? Just because we have to deal with ibs/anxiety doesn't mean we shouldn't live a fulfilling life and follow our dreams. It just means sometimes we have to be a little braver and stronger than most people. Zay, You are a wonderfully talented musician. Talk yourself up. In past posts you sounded excited about the tuna. Try to focus on all the postive experiences you've had in the past performing in front of others. If you start with the tuna it might be scary at first, but your comfort level will increase each time you do it. I was afraid to go back to college for fear that I would have to run out of class several times during the four hours. Guess what? I love it so much and felt so comfortable after the first couple of nights that my ibs/anxiety seem especially well behaved when I am there. Just make sure you prepare ahead of time by eating right, taking meds or whatever your latest technique is. I bet that once you audition and get in you will become familiar and comfortable with this group and the anxiety will subside. (((Hugs))))-bloomers

 

[AntonioRI]

Va a estar Ud. fantastico, Z!You're going to be fantastic, Z! Just keep reminding yourself of that! I can tell from your posts that you're a strong person and I bet if you really want something you can get it! Have faith in yourself and put yourself and that faith in God's hands and everything will be just fine!

 

[zayaka26]

Thank you both for those kind words, really. Bloomers, it is exactly like you say. I think you are a really brave person for doing all that traveling, etc. Now I need to be brave myself and just go for it, I know, I know that.Thanks, today I feel more possitive.

 

[Guest]

Zay.... have you tried the visualization exercise that I wrote to you about via email? Have you tried the self hypno exercises offered here?Evie

 

[zayaka26]

I have not because I have not been in the situation yet. In a few weeks I will be and I expect doing them the best that I can. At leat I went to a reherasal and my tummy behaved perfectly; I guess that was a good start.Thanks.

 

[Guest]

It certainly sounds like a good beginning for you, Zay. Sometimes confidence in ourselves is the best remedy.I truly wish you the best, and if it helps to know this... I am never without anxiety prior to a dance performance. I think I told you, to offset the IBS, I eat very lightly for 2-3 days prior... and the day OF.... I only eat a bit of concentrated protein and concentrated carbohydrate. It stops the gas and bloating as well as any D that might be in progress.Take care Zay, Evie

 

[kamie]

Zay, It very well could have been the IBS talking, but I've known a whole bunch of wonderfully talented and excellant performing artists in my time, and what you expressed in your first post is the angst of a huge percentage of people who are expressing a creative talent say about performing.Yes, good, skilled, ctitically acclaimed professionals say the exact things you have expressed.It's scary Zay. Downright freaking scary to get up and go forth with ones talant and work of the soul.The key that seems to work best for everyone is to go out there and play for yourself.Play to the joy that connected you with your love of music in the first place.If you play anyother way than for the moment and for the music and for yourself, too many what ifs get in the way.Remember the Olympics, when Sarah Hughs won the gold?Well, I was watching that day and she was absolutely brilliantly awesome.It was the most beautiful and breathtaking performance.Afterwards she said of her win, that she was notthinking of the gold meddal when she went out on the ice. she said she went out to have fun and a great time.It was her perspective that It was the Olympics and she was just going to skate her best.So if you approach your music in the mode of doing what you love for the whole of the experience, getting across the abyss of preperformance fears will be a bit easier.I've known professionals who say they never get over the pre performance jitters but then the joy of the moment comes and something inside pushes past the dread.Good Luck.Kamie

 

[KATHLEENE]

HI EVERYONE.KAMIE I YOUR DISCLAMER.I HAD ANIXITY AND PANIC ATTAKES BEFORE THE IBS. I HATED GOING OUT ANYWAY.BUT JUST WHEN I WAS COMING TO GRIPS WITH MY LIFE I GET THIS,I NEVER REALLY HAD MUCH SELF-ESTEEM TO BEGIN WITH BUT NOW ITS ALL GONE.

HECK EVEN GOING TO CHURCH IS VERY HARD TO DO ANYMORE. SORRY FOR THIS KATHLEEN

 

[bloomers]

Welcome to the board, Kathleene. I'm sorry to hear this. You came to the right place. I too was unable to attend church and seldom went - for years! I have had ibs since 1988. With the help of this board and by forcing myself to do things I am doing much better. I hope you will find the help here that you need. For the past four weekends my daughter and I have acted as ushers at our church. We hand out bulletins, take the collection and walk it up the aisle with the whole church's eyes upon us. Just thinking about this a year ago would have sent me into a major panic attack. Is your doc working with you on treatments for the ibs or anxiety?

 

[kamie]

Kathleene, I too have my moments in life.It has been difficult for me sometimes to even feel like going out.I think sometimes that these illnesses do make us feel rather like just staying closed in.But that's not all that good for us.I have found that by using grow lights in the house that the grow lights do seem to help when one feels very tired or dreary.being ill with tummy issues takes a lot out of us and I don't think we realize how very tired we are just from enduring the whole physical effort of tending the body.So we do little things, step by step and each effort is indeed an accomplish.Oh yes, that disclaimer, (LOL) kinda funny isn't it?Imagine us all out running around on a merry romp!!!!!! Hang In there. We all go step by step.Kamie

 

[Guest]

See Zay? You're not alone here.

 

[Guest]

Just a note to all that addressing any potential anxiety will also effect positive changes in IBS.Evie

 

[zayaka26]

Thanks guys, you are the best. Last night I was at the ER with bf (he fell; is ok) and my car got stuck in the parking lot. His uncle took me home and I did not freak out about the car ride.

That is huge for me.

 

[kamie]

Well good for you Zay!!!!!that is a big step.Yes Evie, addressing that anxiety really does help a potential IBS flare..........Like last week when me and Mr. Kamie had that appointment with Rowdy the colon surgeon, I took XANAX........(LOL)........addressed that ol anxiety right then and there!!!!!!yeh I know..........that was bad.You're probably pullin your hair out by now.Anxiety I've never denied having.I'm the only one in my circle of friends who even appreciates Woody Allen movies.Now, one abssolutely has to be some kind of anxious to even be able to tolerate his humor.Mr. Kamie can't stand it.Mr. Kamie likes cartoons.But Depressed I am not.and anxiety is not the cause of my IBS.I am coming to the conclusion since my cardiac reality and my Endocrine reality became apparent, that my hormones are the stressor in my body malfunctions and my DNA does not help at all.So I am still the chicken that came from the egg.

 

[Guest]

No Kamie... I am not pulling my hair out.... I do tire of some of the negative banter here, but I understand where you are coming from because I was once there. No I don't have an impending M.I., but I have a valve prolapse problem that greatly contributes to my anxiety. Hormonal changes also affect my cardiac rhythms and I experence arythmias on a regular basis... they can be frightening.IF Xanax works for you, my Dear, then go with it. In general it is not widely prescribed for long-term use, but there are always exceptions.Xanax caused me more sleep problems and more anxiety problemsd which it was supposed to help. That's why I made the switch to antidepressants.And I get stubborn every now and then and try to go off of the antidepressants once in a while... but I always have to get back on them because if I don't, my pain levels and fatigue drive me into a terror !Kamie... I think that you offer a lot of good advice here about many things..... the only thing I do not appreciate is when you feel that you need to prove yourself. You don't need to do that. And the rest of us can have our opinions, and we can disagree... but we can still respect each other.There was a time when my perception was clouded because I wasn't taking my medication and that has improved again for me. I still regress from time to time, I let angry posts hurt me and sometimes I retaliate.... but that never helps anyone... especially not me.Even though I expereince setbacks, I am not going to give up. The day I give up will be the day that I die.Talk to us more about the benefits of holistic healing. I am still very intrigued and interested in it.Take Care, Evie

 

[kamie]

Post:No I don't have an impending M.I., but I have a valve prolapse problem that greatly contributes to my anxiety. Hormonal changes also affect my cardiac rhythms and I experence arythmias on a regular basis... they can be frightening.____________________________________According to the blood test, the MI happened in September.The T wave happend during emergency surgery in April.October?They are still trying to figure that one out.Hopefully I will be well enough by next week to finally get the treadmill test that has been on hold.___________________________________Post:There was a time when my perception was clouded because I wasn't taking my medication and that has improved again for me. I still regress from time to time, I let angry posts hurt me and sometimes I retaliate.... but that never helps anyone... especially not me.______________________________________Life is like a reflective pool.When the inner mode of operation shifts, the world around us changes.It's all in the reflective quality of our most deep, yet visible, essence.We are all in the activity of healing.Kamie

 

[Jessica Espinoza]

Just by hearing all the wonderful messages on support you recieved makes me want to be pleased with you in a good way. Focus on all the love you have from all of these people and family when you feel down

After all, you are worth something to us. Don't take it for granted or it will desroooy you really bad. Take my word for it because if seen it and done it. Capeshe?Don't let your problems determine your worth becaue you already are valuable to us please.

 

[Guest]

Jcervantes,Some very good insight you have. Thanx for sharing that one.Evie

 

[zayaka26]

Thanks...