First take a deep breath. You don't really want to cut yourself again. You are tired adn depressed and that is understandable. It is not all in your head - but your head and your gut aren't communicating well. Please considering counselling - I understand your plight with your mom and that relationship sounds like it is only oging to agitate your health. Get an outsider to listen to you and really be open with your doc about your state and feeelings of suicide. These are classic signs of depression and it can be treated. We care here - we need everyone of us on this board to help figure out this enigma. DOnt' give up!!