[clareuk]

I have a family christening coming up soon and I don't know what to do. I can't go, I just can't. Another family members christening was a nightmare for me as I had to walk for 10 minutes in the middle of nowhere to get there. I had terrible watery diarrhea and I had to sit at the front of the church for over an hour praying that I wouldn't mess myself and then have to walk back out with a church full of people watching me. I vowed after that day that I will never ever do anything I don't want to again. I will never be made to do that again because I just can't keep putting myself through that. There is only so much any human being can take and I can't take anymore of it. I have told my family tonight that I won't be going. Did they even try to understand - no. Same old reponse from the people that say they love me. That people will be offended and that I have to go. Surely if my family know about my problems and say they love me, then it shouldn't matter whether I go or not. I'm so sick of this, always having to go through this everytime there is some big family event. I really think that there is no other way than to just leave my home and move to a different area so that I won't be made to feel so guilty all the time. I'm the one trying to live with this and sometimes I just want my family to give me a cuddle and tell me that it dosen't matter and that it is ok. But they don't, even though they know what I have to go through everyday. I feel really miserable about this and worried as it is only a month away. How would the rest of you cope with this, any help with how to handle the situation would be appreciated. I'm allowed to be selfish and say no - aren't I?

 

[BQ]

Claire.. how old are you? I assumed you were old enough to make these decisions for yourself? If you are old enough and if your family doesn't understand......um.. too bad for them!I say do what you are comfortable with and no more. You can always send along a card & gift ahead of the event stating your regrets..etc.I wouldn't worry about your family. They may be the type of people that unless they have IBS maybe they just won't ever get it.If you are confident in your decisions they will eventually back off when they see they are not upsetting you by disapproving of your choice. It IS your choice to make after all.(((Hugs)))

 

[SunNsnow]

Some things are just so important that you need to be thereno matter what. A funeral or graduation. Maybe wedding of closefriend. In those cases, you do what you have to - wear a diaperor something.But in this case, it does not sound that important.Don't go.If they saw you #### in your pants one day, they wouldunderstand you and respect any decision you make.

 

[magoo]

Claire, I wouldn't worry about your family being upset - if the family members holding the christening are supportive of you they will understand how hard it is for us with IBS to do big social events. As long as you send a card/gift you are showing you care, even put a few nice words in a note when you send it. There's a famous saying that you don't have to do anything but die and pay taxes. If you are uncomfortable doing something, you don't do it. You have to do what is right for you, not for others. But maybe on the day of the event you'll feel better and wind up going. I have 2 confirmations coming up and I just wait till the day arrives before I decide whether I can make it thru.

 

[Dixie_Girl82]

Claire, I have been where you are so been times! My family has finally excepted that I might not always be able to attend family functions, especially the ones that are early in the morning. I have finally got my family setting most of our outings in the afternoons so that I will have time to get my stomach straight and take my medication. But for those early morning appointments that I know I will have to attend I try to prepare the night before going to bed. I will take my Lomotil medication and then 1st thing when I wake up I will take one immodium. It help me tremendously! It may not work for you, it does for me.Your family will get over it if you do not attend. Trust me! Getting stressed out and worrying about upsetting them is only going to make your situation worse! Stay calm and just talk to them, if they do not understand then they will just have to get over it. Dont do anything you do not feel comfortable doing, it only stresses you out and makes IBS worse. I am very sorry that you are having to go through this, just know that you are not alone, and we all understand.(hug)

 

[PABeachBum]

Without knowing anything about your background, or what you're doing to manage it, what about just popping the maximum dose of immodium. That's gotten me through pretty much anything.No idea what you are doing to manage your symptoms but at the very least, until you get things under control, I've never had a situation that cant be 'stopped up' by copious amounts of immodium. its a life saver

 

[clareuk]

Thanks for the messages everyone. I was feeling really low that day and I'm feeling much more positive today. I think everything just got on top of me and it all just became a huge nightmare. I'm not going to go unless I feel I can manage it. My family are usually really good about it all, just not this time and I wasn't in a very positive frame of mind. I guess it is hard for them to understand and I can appreciate that but I'm not going to put myself through anything that I don't feel I can deal with anymore. I am old enough to make my own decisions (lets hope so as I am 30) but I just feel so guilty about them but I guess I'm not alone with that. Thanks though because you guys all know what I'm talking about and you've all really helped me realise that I'm not the only one with these probs.

 

[LatrineQueen]

Sadly I know EXACTLY how you feel. I almost ruined my son's graduation last year. I wore a beautiful yellow outfit and as we were dropping him off I started to have an accident. I kicked everyone out of the car except for my husband, climbed in the back seat and used a tissue box to go in. Thank God I have the most understanding husband in the world. He kept saying "don't worry", it will be okay, everything will be okay". I was able to clean myself up and watch the ceremony but was terrified for the rest of the time. If it was anyone but my son, I probably would have just cried and went home. Normally I can only do "social things" if I eat nothing that day and take Imodium until after I'm safe at home again. I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress but there are so many of us who understand completely.

 

[Aussie Ann]

I also know how you feel. Last year I went to a family christening and had to walk out halfway through. Thank goodness I managed to find a toilet in the church hall. It's my niece's christening next month and I'm godmother so I have no choice but to go. What seems to work for me is to take Immodium the night before (if I wait until the diarrhoea's started, that seems to be too late). The frustrating thing about IBS is that there isn't a 'one cure fits all' remedy, but have you found a regime which seems to work for one-off occasions? If not, then I agree that it's probably not worth going - we've all been in the situation where we're so worried about having an accident that we manage to wind ourselves (and our bowels) up to the point where we do have an episode. You have to make the decision that's right for you, and don't worry about what people think (but I know that's easier said than done). As Latrine Queen (don't you just love that name!) said, there are loads of us here who understand exactly what you're going through.

 

[SunNsnow]

What's so ironic about IBS is that the simple act of worrying aboutan event can bring on the diarrhea. It's amazing. So lets say we have no event next Saturday. Just a daywhere we sit around, watch TV, and pick our nose.Compare that to lets say we have a wedding to go to.For weeks beforehand we are going have stress and worryabout diarrhea on that day and THAT worrying is more likely to cause the diarrhea.

 

[overitnow]

Just a day where we sit around, watch TV, and pick our nose.

Are you peeking in my window?

Mark

 

[clareuk]

Mark !

That made me laugh.

 

[geetargal]

haha, yeah I've always wondered what it is in your brain that sends signals saying, "I'm really nervous about something... maybe having the constant urge to d will somehow help."

lol.