[Rowe2]

I am really not sure how to word this question.My husband is gone for one week, and I'm enjoying my time alone. We have been married for five years, and at one time, I couldn't stand to be away from him. We haven't had any major problems, only petty arguements but quickly forgotten. I am wondering how I can be "clingy" the first few years together to enjoying time to myself. I love him, and to some point I miss him, but it's not that gut wrenching kind of miss..just a bit lonely. Is it possible that I'm content and secured, or I may have feelings changing. Your opinion is very much needed.

 

[Jeanne D]

Hi Rowe,IMO I don't see this as a bad thing, but as an indication that this relationship you have with one another is secure enough that you don't need to be with each other 24/7.There's nothing wrong with enjoying your time alone, while he is away. It doesn't mean you don't love him, it's just that you are secure in that love enough for the two of you to have your own space.I used to be so distraught when hubby was away, but now after being married almost 23 years this October, I find that although I miss him, I enjoy the time I have to myself, and that short seperation makes being together again even more special.Jeanne

 

[Guest]

Wow... that's a loaded question, Sweetie.I'm not sure if I have an answer for you, but let me relate this much to you:Just today, I was remeniscing in my mind as I gleaned some old photos of when my son was wee and my husband and I were indelibly "one". As I continued to look, I began having memories of the feelings I used to have.... the ones where my heart would lurch with love and I couldn't bear to be without them. Suddenly, I realized that those feelings were gone forever.... and I believe that to be due to a combination of an injection of Lupron and a supracervical hysterectomy. Part of me is missing. I don't know how to really explain it. I just know that the same feelings aren't there anymore.The good news is that even though I miss what we once had together..... a change in what we share isn't necessarily bad? I am learning to look at my husband of 30 years in a new light. And even when I fall short of what I was capable of in my youth..... he overlooks my faux pas.... and I overlook his..... the result of which is that we are continuing to grow together... even if the fruit being beared is not quite so abundant.Is a single rose any less beautiful than the bouquet?These days, I also relish my time alone..... it's like having a day of rainfall.... very much needed.... only to make the sunrise that much more beautiful when it finally arrives.Love you, Evie

 

[Linda mac]

I totally agree with Jeanne. I think that the fact that you are able to be apart from your husband indicates that you have a loving and trustful relationship...being "Joined-at-the-hip" is not healthy. I sometimes have to be away from my husband,when I occasionally travel on business. It used to devastate me! I'd cry myself to sleep I was so lonely for him...nowadays, although I don't like the traveling, I find that the time alone is refreshing, and I am always so glad to get home...Mini-Honeymoons and all that!

Luilu

 

[Rowe2]

Thank you ladies for your response. I agree that since my hysterectomy, I've not have that zip-zag-zip feeling. I am still very much attracted to my husband, and I am so hoping it is the fact I feel secure. Security has never been one of my highest rated emotions until I met Robert and married five years ago. I must feel pretty secure because last week I knew that he was with his ex-wife alone for a short while, and I didn't feel jealousy or fear.

 

[Guest]

Sounds like you are right on keel, Rowe..... but I think it can also be scarey to be alone... because it's at those times that we find ourselves coming face to face with ourselves...

I once lived my life through my husband. That is no longer the case. I live my life through me. It's possible that may also have some bearing on how I feel nowadays?

 

[RitaLucy]

Rowe,I would say that is it good for us to have our time alone. I think it is great that you miss him but can now enjoy your time alone. I think I know what you are saying...but I love to have some time alone from my husband at times. It makes realize just how much I do love him and like having him around. I think it is only natural to feel more content with ourselves and being away from our spouse or significant other at times. I don't think because you don't feel as clingy at you once did that it is because you don't love him the same as you used to. Love changes and grows into a deeper type of love usually than what you experienced in the beginnings of a new relationship. I think many of the "best" relationships I know is because the two people together do have time away from each other and have much more to share with one another because of it. I think what you are feeling and going through is quite normal.

 

[kyestar]

I think it is healthy to enjoy time apart. When Nic and I first got together, I would get upset when he left the house without me - even to go to work. We do most things together - in fact, when he is not at work, and I am not at uni, we are always together. I have learned to appreciate my "alone time" - it doesn't mean that I love Nic any less, just that I am secure enough with myself and with my relationship that I don't need the constant (or as constant

) reassurance of having him with me every second. It also means that I appreciate his company rather than resent him for not being around.

 

[Rowe2]

Once again ladies, thanks so much. I left the board early last night and went to bed. I was exhausted from all my "free" time doing things to keep myself busy.

I really needed to hear each one of your opinions. It's helped me feel more directed this morning. I spent so many years in an abusive relationship before Robert that I was beginning to feel as if I was getting some mixed signals going on in the brain.

 

[Jleigh]

I think Jeanne said it beautifully. I agree wholeheartedly with her.I will be married 24 years in October and although I dearly love my wonderful husband, I do cherish my alone time. Not a bad thing, everyone needs their alone time...even men. When we were first married, I hated being away from him but as the years have progressed and we have matured, I have to say, I feel that being apart once in a while is quite refreshing for us both. Jleigh

 

[Rowe2]

Jleigh..I think you have hit the nail on the head with one work. Matured. I see it in myself, and come to think of it, I see it in Robert. Thanks.