I can totally relate to this. I am on prozac too due to an eating disorder as a result of which I have developed IBS. Eveytime I have tried to come off the prozac, I just get worse. I can really relate to the 'putting on an act thing'. People think I've got it altogether when all I'm doing is dying to get home into a loose pair of trousers and to sit by a toilet. Unfortunately, I'm not as good as you. I often make excuses not to go out becuase it's easier to deal with.
I really need some support right now
G
I had my IBS under control for over a year, taking lorazepam and elavil (for the IBS) and Prozac (clinical depression). Stopped taking the prozac in about February of this year, then stopped the elavil. My IBS went haywire after stopping the elavil and I have yet to get it back under control, even thought I have begun the elavil again. Well, I've also noticed that all of my old depressive symptoms have come back as well. I am seriously at the bottom of some dark black hole, desperately trying to claw my way out. I have decided to go back to a psychologist and had my first visit yesterday. I will see her again, and I have an appt for next week with a psychiatrist to discuss my med situation and see whether I should go back on prozac. But, in the meantime, I feel like ####. I never imagined I could feel this bad again, with bad ibs and depression, and yet here I am back where I was a few years ago. I'm the kind of person who puts on a good act for everyone. Even when my IBS is bad, or I just feel like staying in bed and hiding all day, I always fulfill all of my commitments and responsibilites. Most people I encounter during the day would never suspect the magnitude of what I am feeling. And believe me, it takes tremendous effort to pull that off. I feel like a worthless piece of ****, and am consumed by guilt. I know others on this board have been where I am now, and I could use a little advice. Please help me.LynneB
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Hey LynneBI have suffered with IBS for over 30 years..I was just prescribed Prozac in the last 2 months and it has helped me very much..I have gotten to the point if someone tells me to eat ----! I will if it is going to make me better so if the medicine has helped you by all means go back on it ...because this IBS CURSE can drive you insane.. I hope you are feeling better real soon
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JUST FOR YOU !!!
G
Depression is a tough thing to overcome, LynneB - I'm convinced it is tied to weird brain chemistry and at times, out of our control. I am SO sorry you are suffering so, Lynne - I know there are no words to make you feel better, but I'm glad you shared your feelings with us. Just know that we are here and that we care about you, OK? Please come to us anytime and share your unhappiness - keeping it in and hiding it from everyone can be very distressing and I think causes us to fall deeper into the pit. It creates a strange kind of loneliness because WE know we are suffering, but no one else does! Knowing that we have friends and people around us who understand and still love us can be an important key to feeling a little bit better!!I'm glad you are seeing your doctor again. If you got relief on the Prozac, I think you should consider staying on it!Hugs to you,kathy
G
Hi, LynneB,Sorry to hear your life isn't thriving as normal. Get back on the medicine ASAP. Don't slip into something you can't get out of. It's not too late; do something about it now. It's awful to want to stay in bed all day. I've heard having at least 5 minutes of sunlight shine into your eyes helps with depression. I know that just before my period I get some depression and I drink a few cups of St. John's Wort tea. That and the sunlight really helps me get out of it, quick. Keep in touch!
G
Don't feel bad about feeling bad- that only makes it worse- make sense? And realize that this will get better!! hang in there. with depression(I have had various degrees of it coming and going my whole life) when it is there so intense it is hard to imagine that there is hope--- BUT THERE IS- you will get feeling better and God understands(although no one else realizes the depth of how bad it it). He is there. I am praying for you.Karen
G
Dearest LynneB; I know EXACTLY what you are feeling. Most of the time, it's all I can do to drag my sorry butt out of bed, but I do because the first thing I will do is grab a cup of coffee enroute to my computer and "have coffee" with my IBS friends at this BB. It makes all the difference in my day. I have not been fortunate enough to find an antidepressant that doesn't give me horrible side effects, but if you know that you can take something, I'd say, GO FOR IT. There is no shame in taking medicine of any kind if it can help you function. Best of luck. Keep us posted. I know you will.
G
Dear Lynne, Hang in there. I have been depressed before myself, I know what you feel like. I have felt so alone before none of my friends know what it is like. I try to explain it but they don't think it is as bad as I say. I also put up a front and Ithink this is why people don't believe how bad it is. I am so happy I have found this place. It my little heaven when I am down. I'd say stay on the meds and I am so happy you went to the shrink for this. I wish I could say something to make it all go away but all I can say is I will be praying for you and I'll help you in anyway I can. MRW
G
If you had a broken arm, you would fix it with a cast. If you have depression, you need to fix it with prescription drugs if that helps. There is no shame in having chemical depression, any more than there's shame in having a broken arm! My sister was clinically depressed, the medication helped a lot, but she wouldn't stay on it. She killed herself a couple of years ago, and she was only 24. You need to seek out help, and stay on the meds if that's what it takes to have a normal, happy life for yourself! Please hang in there - people do care. rj
G
I have been on nortriptline(antidepressant) for 4 years now. Once in a while I think about going off of it but then I think back to how I felt before I took it. Funny thing is that I started taking it because I wasn't sleeping through the night.(I'd wake up every 2 hours)I had terrible pains in my hands and feet(fibromyalia). So after being on it for a couple of weeks I noticed that my ibs was much better. Instead of having to run to the bathroom now I need to take citrucil! I'm also taking bentyl for ibs pains and though it doesn't take all the pain away at least I can tolerate it. Again I think about how nice it would be to go off it, but when I forget to take the bentyl all the pain comes back. I feel like a walking drug store. No one I know takes medicine as much as I do. It's a drag, but I do feel better. So keep taking your medications.
G
Dear LynneB,I have been to that dark place you are in. To me it felt like a grey, cold room where I was trapped, looking out at the rest of the world & not understanding why I didn't belong there anymore.Please keep these things in mind my friend, you did survived this before & you WILL again!Also, you have a large family here who deeply care about you & how you are feeling & we are at your finger tips anytime!I know you will pull throguh this...I'll say a prayer for you tonight.sassPS- please don't hesitate to e-mail me during one of those dark times if you like.
G
Thanks everyone for your words of friendship,love, and support. I don't feel any better than I did this morning, but your words mean SO MUCH to me. There is truly nowhere else in the world I could go to and find people who REALLY understand where I am at emotionally right now. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. You've brought tears to my eyes (and they are not necessarily sad tears).GOD BLESS YOU ALL. LynneB
G
Dear Lynne,I hope you are feeling better. I could relate to what you wrote. I get depressed a lot myself. If find myself doing the hiding game also. I take paxil. I probably should be taking it all the time. Actually I sometimes don't take the paxil. Anyway, I mainly have a problem with gas which is very bad. It is very noticeable. Not fun. I may have food intolerances, not sure. I don't have a fluctuating problem with constipation and diahrrea. My mother thinks I don't have an IBS due to this. Anyway, it's a real pain. This may not be a helpful suggestion, but do you like cats? I do. Maybe a pet might be good for you.Anyway,I hope you are feeling better.
LynnB - sorry to hear about your troubles.Why did you stop taking the medication in the first place? Just curious...I have a 22 year old daughter with depression. I can't begin to pretend to understand the magnitude of what you are going through - I have only seen it second-hand through her. I hear you - she was so good at hiding her depression that for years I didn't even know she was depressed - she seemed happy and fun loving - until the night I found her in her bedroom with some pills, crying. I don't really know if she would have taken them or not...Do you know why you are depressed? Is it the IBS? Enough to depress anybody for sure...I'll tell you a bit about my daughter:At the age of 4 she was abused at a babysitters and didn't tell me til years later. I suppose that started the cycle. Because we didn't seek help for her - which was because we didn't know... In her teens she met up with what turned out to be an abusive boyfriend, got pregnant, had an abortion (again, I didn't know til after) - now the depression is obviously much worse. She wouldn't have even had the abortion, I'm sure, if it hadn't been for the boyfriend being so abusive (she didn't want a child in that situation) because she is like me and doesn't like abortion. And every day her heart breaks for what she has done..She was seeing a pshyciatrist who put her on Paxil. She didn't like it, it made her too UNDEPRESSED actually, she got too uncaring and started drinking a bit too much. So, she took herself off of the Paxil and is now trying to heal without any medication. She has both good and bad days and talks to us when she is down. But she has a long way to go...I guess this hasn't really helped you but I guess what I was trying to say is that if you can deal with whatever is "causing" your depression, maybe that could help you...I truly hope that you feel better soon. Hang in there - hopefully things will improve.
G
Persons who do not understand clinical depression sometimes say things like, "oh, you can pull yourself out of it if you really want to" or "get off the couch!". Well, it doesn't work that way, does it? It truly is chemistry; messages not being able to jump the synapses or a lack of seratonin or a number of things. You are doing the right thing by going back to the doc. Just don't try hiding how you are really feeling in front of him, for he, after all, is the one most qualified to decide WHICH meds to try you on at this point. Do not be intimidated by him: have your concerns and questions AND symptoms all written out and in front of you, not in your purse. This will keep you on track and not only will you feel better about your visit, but this will enable the doctor to service you in the best manner possible. Good luck and keep coming back here. We need you and remember that you do not have to have it all together in order to help some of the other people who write in here. You are wise and I always appreciate your sensible approach to giving advice and encouragement.
G
ditto to all the above - great advice, Although I know that all the advice in the world won't necessarily help, but it does help to know that we are all there for you! And we are! Depression is awful, people don't tend to understand do they, but I guess it is really hard to understand if you don't have it. Most people get depressed for a reason and when that gets resolved they are ok again or they can drag themselves out of it (lucky for them!)But when you have clinical depression it is such a different kettle of fish!You have all of our sympathy and support! I know you can get better again, you did it before! And you seem to be such a strong person - a fighter! You can do it! Try Listening to some happy music - that sometimes helps a little!?!hugs!ac
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