Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Digestive Health Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
243 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi!I am 25 years old and I have been an IBS sufferer for almost 4 years now. I have constipation, gas, pain, cramps, fatigue. All wonderful symptoms. I am not bad looking, but I have always been shy and insecure. Last summer I started dating a girl (she is a model) and everything was fine 'till, of course, we became close and started spending a lot of time together. She never admitted, but I know that a big reason for her leaving me was my IBS. I was often irritable and depressed. She wanted to understand me, but it is interesting that people actually rarely understand when it really matters. They can't perceive, because they don't know. And that is really frustrating. I became even more insecure, which is awful. She wanted to go to restaurants. Restaurants are my worst nightmares. She wanted to travel. I am so afraid of travelling because of my IBS, I feel like an invalid. She wanted to drink, I couldn't drink. Gosh,...in her case even I would leave myself; I don't blame her.I am so depressed and worried. I am afraid that I will never find anybody who will understand me. Is there anybody out there with similar experiences? Is there a cure for this? I am so afraid to go on a date now. What is the soulution - closing yourself in your basement and never leaving your place? This IBS is so annoying. The pain under my right rib is so frustrating. Grrr... This IBS never lets you be free, it confines you, it makes you aware of your own corporeality. It is the abject in your own body, the abject that reminds you of death.This is very depressing, isn't it? Help!
 
G

·
I wish I could give you a definitive answer but I'm afraid there isn't one answer. However I think you'll find lots of information on this site about IBS and perhaps it will help you.And the pain under the right ribs is something I can totally sympathize with. Some days when it's bad I feel like hitting my head against the wall.I wish you the best.
 
G

·
I wish I could give you a definitive answer but I'm afraid there isn't one answer. However I think you'll find lots of information on this site about IBS and perhaps it will help you.And the pain under the right ribs is something I can totally sympathize with. Some days when it's bad I feel like hitting my head against the wall.I wish you the best.
 
G

·
Well...while that is a sad story, it is surely not an uncommon one. Seems to me that you have two choices. You can either accept the misery of IBS and expect the rest of the people in your life to adjust as well...or you can attempt to get to the root of the cause whether it be anxiety or some thing else, and attack it with all you've got...take whatever meds you need to in an effort to minimize the symptoms..but don't adopt a "victim's mentality". You are too young with too much life ahead to throw in the towel at this point...there are some excellent treatment modalities out there both mental and physical, conventional and non-conventional. Take life by the horns or else it can grab you by the..ugh, short hairs...best of luck.
 
G

·
Well...while that is a sad story, it is surely not an uncommon one. Seems to me that you have two choices. You can either accept the misery of IBS and expect the rest of the people in your life to adjust as well...or you can attempt to get to the root of the cause whether it be anxiety or some thing else, and attack it with all you've got...take whatever meds you need to in an effort to minimize the symptoms..but don't adopt a "victim's mentality". You are too young with too much life ahead to throw in the towel at this point...there are some excellent treatment modalities out there both mental and physical, conventional and non-conventional. Take life by the horns or else it can grab you by the..ugh, short hairs...best of luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
236 Posts
I know many kind, compassionate, understanding people, one of whom is my husband :love: , who would not find IBS so horrible as to be the deal breaker in a relationship.In fact, a lot of people HAVE IBS. They just don't talk about it much. My husband has it a tiny bit, so he understands what I go through. I've often wondered why he puts up with me sometimes, which is why I always try to make an effort to say, to hell with my fear, I'm gonna go out to a restaurant once in a while and try to have fun, let the poop fly as it may.What I'm trying to say is, there are wonderful people out there to love and who will love you back, many who share your symptoms, many more who know how to love you without handicapping you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
236 Posts
I know many kind, compassionate, understanding people, one of whom is my husband :love: , who would not find IBS so horrible as to be the deal breaker in a relationship.In fact, a lot of people HAVE IBS. They just don't talk about it much. My husband has it a tiny bit, so he understands what I go through. I've often wondered why he puts up with me sometimes, which is why I always try to make an effort to say, to hell with my fear, I'm gonna go out to a restaurant once in a while and try to have fun, let the poop fly as it may.What I'm trying to say is, there are wonderful people out there to love and who will love you back, many who share your symptoms, many more who know how to love you without handicapping you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,427 Posts
Pop, First of all (((Hug))) I know this IBS really can be life-altering. But I also know it isn't life-ending. Currently there is no "cure" for IBS, however symptoms can be managed. Also keep in mind that a certain percentage of folks can go into spontaneous remission. There is lots of help & hope here on this board. Don't you give up! When I first came here I thought that I was at the end of my rope. I literally thought I will never get better; I live forever looking for or sitting in a bathroom. Well that is not the case at all for me now. The best thing I did for myself was read post after post & ask lots of questions; educate myself about IBS and what it means is going on inside my body. I also have a "partnership" type relationship with my Doc. He works with me on treatment options and symptom management. He is supportive & understanding as much as his time allows. Between myself, my Doc, this board and the very helpful, kind and informative members here, I have come to a whole new understanding of IBS and a different kind of acceptance. I have IBS....it doesn't have me.So I would strongly urge you to jump down there by "HopTo:" and visit all the Forums that apply to you & your symptoms. Read the posts you find appropriate to you and the ones that apply here, then ask your questions. <folks here are really patient
> If you feel depressed, you are no where near alone and this is something your Doc can help you with too, so mention it to him/her.As far as losing the girl you were dating, well, perhaps she wasn't the one for you. Anyone who doesn't show even a modicum of understanding may not have been worthy of you. However if you go to the home page you will find a banner for "Molly's Brochure" which is an excellent tool to give to friends and family so they can garner a greater understanding of IBS.Popeye, you hang in there and keep reading things here. I sure hope you are feeling better real soon. Let us know how you are doing. BQ
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,427 Posts
Pop, First of all (((Hug))) I know this IBS really can be life-altering. But I also know it isn't life-ending. Currently there is no "cure" for IBS, however symptoms can be managed. Also keep in mind that a certain percentage of folks can go into spontaneous remission. There is lots of help & hope here on this board. Don't you give up! When I first came here I thought that I was at the end of my rope. I literally thought I will never get better; I live forever looking for or sitting in a bathroom. Well that is not the case at all for me now. The best thing I did for myself was read post after post & ask lots of questions; educate myself about IBS and what it means is going on inside my body. I also have a "partnership" type relationship with my Doc. He works with me on treatment options and symptom management. He is supportive & understanding as much as his time allows. Between myself, my Doc, this board and the very helpful, kind and informative members here, I have come to a whole new understanding of IBS and a different kind of acceptance. I have IBS....it doesn't have me.So I would strongly urge you to jump down there by "HopTo:" and visit all the Forums that apply to you & your symptoms. Read the posts you find appropriate to you and the ones that apply here, then ask your questions. <folks here are really patient
> If you feel depressed, you are no where near alone and this is something your Doc can help you with too, so mention it to him/her.As far as losing the girl you were dating, well, perhaps she wasn't the one for you. Anyone who doesn't show even a modicum of understanding may not have been worthy of you. However if you go to the home page you will find a banner for "Molly's Brochure" which is an excellent tool to give to friends and family so they can garner a greater understanding of IBS.Popeye, you hang in there and keep reading things here. I sure hope you are feeling better real soon. Let us know how you are doing. BQ
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
34,955 Posts
One of the advantages of having an illness is that it tends to cause people to show their true colors when you date them much faster than if you were perfectly healthy all the time.That you couldn't/wouldn't drink with her to me is a big red flag that alcoholism may have eventually become an issue in the relationshipd. After all most people don't need those with them to drink like they do.If she couldn't understand/feel for you about this, it is all too likely that if the chips were ever down they would leave, and believe me having them divorce you after years of marrige because they can't handle tough times is much worse than weeding out the self-centered ones early on in the dating process.The girl that is right for you and that YOU DESERVE is out there. But you do have to go looking for her. Sometimes you gotta just pretend you aren't insecure about things in order to have enough chances to find out what you are secure about. Try to focus on your attributes and put those out there so that you and other people can see that. If all you do is act and believe that you are IBS with a great sense of humor all people will see is that IBS is all you are (and what you will start to believe about yourself as well). If you focus on being witty or caring, or giving, or whatever your good point are (oh and by the way I have this problem) then people around you will see your good points first, and if they are not willing to take the faults that come with the package then you know they are not the right person for you.K.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
34,955 Posts
One of the advantages of having an illness is that it tends to cause people to show their true colors when you date them much faster than if you were perfectly healthy all the time.That you couldn't/wouldn't drink with her to me is a big red flag that alcoholism may have eventually become an issue in the relationshipd. After all most people don't need those with them to drink like they do.If she couldn't understand/feel for you about this, it is all too likely that if the chips were ever down they would leave, and believe me having them divorce you after years of marrige because they can't handle tough times is much worse than weeding out the self-centered ones early on in the dating process.The girl that is right for you and that YOU DESERVE is out there. But you do have to go looking for her. Sometimes you gotta just pretend you aren't insecure about things in order to have enough chances to find out what you are secure about. Try to focus on your attributes and put those out there so that you and other people can see that. If all you do is act and believe that you are IBS with a great sense of humor all people will see is that IBS is all you are (and what you will start to believe about yourself as well). If you focus on being witty or caring, or giving, or whatever your good point are (oh and by the way I have this problem) then people around you will see your good points first, and if they are not willing to take the faults that come with the package then you know they are not the right person for you.K.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
191 Posts
Hi popeye,Iam 25 and have c & d. Iam also married.This is my second marriage. My first husband never could understand. He actually told me that he HATED taken care of me when I was sick. HE WAS MEAN! I'll never know why I married him.My husband now is pretty awsome with it. He stays there right beside me when I get sick. The things he does for me is just unreal.Sometimes I don't know why he stays with me cause we don't get to do as much as we would like or go many places,but I think God for him all the time. Hang in there you'll find your one true love that will take you "just as you are".
amygurl
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
191 Posts
Hi popeye,Iam 25 and have c & d. Iam also married.This is my second marriage. My first husband never could understand. He actually told me that he HATED taken care of me when I was sick. HE WAS MEAN! I'll never know why I married him.My husband now is pretty awsome with it. He stays there right beside me when I get sick. The things he does for me is just unreal.Sometimes I don't know why he stays with me cause we don't get to do as much as we would like or go many places,but I think God for him all the time. Hang in there you'll find your one true love that will take you "just as you are".
amygurl
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
693 Posts
Popeye, Speaking from 30 years of IBS experience you will find many different kinds of reactions from people about this disease,affliction,syndrome ...whatever the heck it is. Sometimes just when I think that I have gotten (is that a word ?) through to someone they say something stupid ,like "when are you going to get that fixed? " or they acted insulted or offended when I can't go out because I am sick. Yes, I am the one that is sick and they are offended. Go figure. Anyway, you deserve better than to be with someone who can't deal with this.Some people just can't I guess. Right now my husband is traveling alot ,sometimes out of the country.He would love to have me go with him but I just cant right now. As a matter of fact it would be a real nightmare for me.Sometimes it is a big deal for me just to go to the mall or any where else. Yes he is dissapointed but he knows why I can't go and that I would really love to go. He also knows that if he were sick I would deal with it too.So please hang in there and beleive that there will be a good person for you out there. In the mean time take advantage of every good day you have.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
693 Posts
Popeye, Speaking from 30 years of IBS experience you will find many different kinds of reactions from people about this disease,affliction,syndrome ...whatever the heck it is. Sometimes just when I think that I have gotten (is that a word ?) through to someone they say something stupid ,like "when are you going to get that fixed? " or they acted insulted or offended when I can't go out because I am sick. Yes, I am the one that is sick and they are offended. Go figure. Anyway, you deserve better than to be with someone who can't deal with this.Some people just can't I guess. Right now my husband is traveling alot ,sometimes out of the country.He would love to have me go with him but I just cant right now. As a matter of fact it would be a real nightmare for me.Sometimes it is a big deal for me just to go to the mall or any where else. Yes he is dissapointed but he knows why I can't go and that I would really love to go. He also knows that if he were sick I would deal with it too.So please hang in there and beleive that there will be a good person for you out there. In the mean time take advantage of every good day you have.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,671 Posts
My advice is to stock up on some immodium. I take Remeron (30 mgs) & it works VERY well for my IBS D. Couldn't ive without it. I would go to your doctor & ask for a different prscription. Whatever you are taking doesn't seem to be helping. Don't give up. There are plenty of medicines to help you with IBS. Immodium is great! Before you go out to restaurants etc. Pop some of those babies in your mouth. This way you won't have to worry as much. If you are anything like me, after meals can be hard. So, after eating don't run out of the restaurant. Sip on something for a bit until you are sure whatever you just ate won't come out.But the best advice is this...if someone won't stay with you through a rough time of illness, they are probably just not worth it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,671 Posts
My advice is to stock up on some immodium. I take Remeron (30 mgs) & it works VERY well for my IBS D. Couldn't ive without it. I would go to your doctor & ask for a different prscription. Whatever you are taking doesn't seem to be helping. Don't give up. There are plenty of medicines to help you with IBS. Immodium is great! Before you go out to restaurants etc. Pop some of those babies in your mouth. This way you won't have to worry as much. If you are anything like me, after meals can be hard. So, after eating don't run out of the restaurant. Sip on something for a bit until you are sure whatever you just ate won't come out.But the best advice is this...if someone won't stay with you through a rough time of illness, they are probably just not worth it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
428 Posts
Popeye,WELCOME to our little communittee!!!
Here's what I can say worked for me.BE HAPPY!
IBS sucks...but it could be MUCH MUCH worse. After all you feel bad sometimes but you're not going to die from this thing.BE HAPPY! Do whatever it takes to BE HAPPY!Don't NOT do anything because of IBS. I often times force myself to do things when I'd rather lay on the couch at home. I find that the more I do the better I feel.For me, and this is talked about in CBT so I know many other people are the same, I worry about going to "Place XYZ" if I once had a "D" attack there. I think wow what if it happens again. So now I make sure that if I have an attack while out....I go back to that place several times in the near future to reenforce that it was just a one time event and not the place that "made me do it".You say you can't drink. Do you know that? Have you truely, scientifically, eliminated that? I used to think I couldn't drink. I can. Sometimes I do...on more confident days. On days when I'm not feeling so great I order the drinks myself. Sprint with a splash of Coke looks just like a jack and 7. No one ever knows any better.I stock up on imodium. Just having it on me makes me feel safer. I rarely need to use it but there is comfort in knowing I have it if I need it.I am VERY open to all of my family and friends (even many co-workers) about my IBS. They know that if excuse myself at a resteraunt I may be gone for 15 minutes. OR.... I may exuse myself many times during a meal. Everyone is now used to it and no big deal...just sometimes I get ribbed a little for it. (All in good fun of course.)I guess I've babbled long enough. Just don't STOP doing things. Make yourself do things. Sometimes it's hard not to be down or irritable....force yourself not to.Look into CBT you may be suprised at how good you can feel.HAPPY HOLIDAYSKARL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
428 Posts
Popeye,WELCOME to our little communittee!!!
Here's what I can say worked for me.BE HAPPY!
IBS sucks...but it could be MUCH MUCH worse. After all you feel bad sometimes but you're not going to die from this thing.BE HAPPY! Do whatever it takes to BE HAPPY!Don't NOT do anything because of IBS. I often times force myself to do things when I'd rather lay on the couch at home. I find that the more I do the better I feel.For me, and this is talked about in CBT so I know many other people are the same, I worry about going to "Place XYZ" if I once had a "D" attack there. I think wow what if it happens again. So now I make sure that if I have an attack while out....I go back to that place several times in the near future to reenforce that it was just a one time event and not the place that "made me do it".You say you can't drink. Do you know that? Have you truely, scientifically, eliminated that? I used to think I couldn't drink. I can. Sometimes I do...on more confident days. On days when I'm not feeling so great I order the drinks myself. Sprint with a splash of Coke looks just like a jack and 7. No one ever knows any better.I stock up on imodium. Just having it on me makes me feel safer. I rarely need to use it but there is comfort in knowing I have it if I need it.I am VERY open to all of my family and friends (even many co-workers) about my IBS. They know that if excuse myself at a resteraunt I may be gone for 15 minutes. OR.... I may exuse myself many times during a meal. Everyone is now used to it and no big deal...just sometimes I get ribbed a little for it. (All in good fun of course.)I guess I've babbled long enough. Just don't STOP doing things. Make yourself do things. Sometimes it's hard not to be down or irritable....force yourself not to.Look into CBT you may be suprised at how good you can feel.HAPPY HOLIDAYSKARL
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
169 Posts
You know what I'd like to do with family members who think it's all in our head?? The next time they wanted to go somewhere I'd like to put a big laxative in their drink/food so they'd know what it's like. I haven't had the courage to do that yet tho.Hang in there & takes lots of Ammod AD. Don't become a recluse because of IBS. Good luck
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
Top