My IBS-D story. I am a 50 year old female, healthy and in great shape except for IBS!5 years ago my best friend died of rectal cancer. I am a nurse and took care of her and was with her when she died. She was 47yo and had 2 children who were close with my 2 children. I was always thin to begin with but lost 15 lbs due to the stress and sadness of those last couple of months with her. When I started to feel myself again, eating, smiling, gaining the weight back and trying to move through the grieving process, helping her kids and family and trying to reconnect with my own family, I started to have bowel issues. NEVER before in my life did I experience anything but a formed daily BM. I suddenly would have severe cramps and an urgency for a BM running to a bathroom to have diarrhea. It only happened maybe once or twice a month but eventually I had to run to my car after a tennis match because there were no bathrooms and I had THAT urge that was becoming an enemy to me. On my way home I had an accident. I was humiliated even though I was the only one who knew. Incontinence didn't happen again for 2 years but fear escalated and the cramps and diarrhea were severe and i barely made it SO many times. I had a colonoscopy and all was normal. I was told it was IBS. I started taking immodium when i had an attack and it helped. Two years ago I had 2 friends die within a week. Both women in their early 50's weird circumstances but again close friends. I started again having much more frequent diarrhea and cramping. Using Immodium like water. Plus a few more times with some incontinence, horrifying experience...but most times JUST making it in time. My mother died in last year after a 3 month illness which I cared for her every day and with the help of hospice she died peacefully. It was a very stressful time once again. Now the bowel issues had again escalated to a new level. The diarrhea happening 3 times a week sometimes with incontinence and I was just LUCKY to not do this in public. One day at lunch I didn't make it to the bathroom. I had white pants on and literally ran out crying and humiliated. I scheduled another colonsocopy just wanting a diagnosis so i can fix this horrible problem. I also had a endoscopy again dx with ibs. I was started on amytriptyline 10 mg (a tricyclic antidepressant at low doses slows the bowels, not for depression) which helped for a few weeks then we increased it to 25mg which helped for a month. Now nothing is helping and it is getting worse. I dropped the tennis team because of lack of bathrooms at parks. I no longer go to lunch. I am afraid to go out to dinner if it isn't very close to home. Some days I feel great others not. I did not find any food in particular aggravates it except coffee which I gave up and sometimes alcohol...which I enjoy too much..when I need to relax. I have been reading on this forum trying to learn from all of you but incontinence doesn't seem like a big issue to most ibs-d sufferers. i did have a 3rd degree tear when I had my first child but that was 20 years ago and I never had a problem until the last 5 years. I am a very social person and love going out but I find myself sticking close to home. I still go out..lunch is worst (first Big meal of the day) so no lunches, but i only go when its within a 10 minute drive to my house. My life has SO changed. No more NYC dinners...too stressful.I called my GI guy to ask about lotronex but he feels it is to difficult to get, a long process, very expensive. He suggested going back to immodium prophylactic 1 pill a day and another if going to lunch or an situation that worries me without a bathroom nearby. I am going to speak to my internist about lotronex as well because he seems more empathetic than the GI guy who hears stories like this all day.Any words of wisdom out there? Anyone else with this totally embarrassing issue of urgency. I feel SO alone. What do I do...buy depends? YUK. I like my victoria secret panties!Sorry this is long!