I think most men need sex. I know my boyfriend loves me but he has a high sex drive and gets frustrated and irritable if I put it off for too long. Sex is as important to him as cuddles are to me, and I feel like a bad girlfriend if I say no too often.Maybe you can reach a compromise about how often? I don't have much sex drive at the moment, because of IBS pain, embarassment, anxiety and the fear that it will trigger an attack. My boyfriend would happily have sex every day or more but I limit it to once or twice a week, when I make a big effort and dress up for him. If I don't enjoy it he takes it to mean he's not good in bed, so I have to really focus on getting aroused and getting past the pain. Sometimes this works and I do really enjoy it, other times its just a performance.Why does it have to be at night? I never have sex at this time because my IBS is worst after an evening meal. I find mid-morning or before meals a good time. If I really can't face sex I go down on him instead or just let him rub against me till he comes.Have you tried toys to help you get in the mood? Watching erotic movies or reading stories sometimes does it for me. A few glasses of wine is also helpful (provided I'm not staying the night with him as it gives me D the next morning!)