[Starr]

Hi, I'm new here, and I have gone back and seen some of the questions on this subject; but none actually address my anxiety so please bear with me. I have been divorced a little over a year, after an 11 year marriage, and am contemplating the whole dating thing. IBS-C (so severe that I can wake up in my own mess --sorry to be so graphic) was a factor in the intimate moments of our marriage--in that I was often afraid of accidents happening during those moments. It often felt as if it could happen.) Needless to say, it never did happen or I wouldn't have this question; I would like to ask if anyone has any insight on this subject.Now, the idea of starting a relationship is terrifying. How does anyone start dating with this horrible disease?Starr

 

[Craig_J]

You can try here:www.irritatedbeingsingle.comThe site is new and is still growing.

 

[Starr]

Thank you--I appreciate this, and I may use this service --though I am not quite ready to take that step yet. I just wonder if there is the possibility of such accidents and I am planning to try Linda's suggested Caltrate Plus, etc. I've used calcium (from Oysters) but I just get sick with it. So, I'm not all that hopeful. Thank you very much for this info --I will keep it for future use.StarrStarr

 

[kazzy3]

I think all worry about this from time to time. It is especially difficult when the relationship is new, let's face it, how embarrassing to say the least. Try your best to prepare, not very spontanous I know but hey whatever works. Try to stay away from triggers leading up to the big moment and practice muscle relaxation techniques before, during and after. You can practice these anytime and no one will know your doing them and who knows some of the breathing techniques at the right time may just sound sexy.

 

[14448]

I worry about this happening.I was with my boyfriend 2 years before I even told him I had IBS, and I still get embarassed just to mention it to him. In all the time I've been with him I'm never (Touchwood!) had an accident during sex, even rough sex. I avoid getting intimate if I have bad cramps or have just had D. Also, I have dark blue sheets on my bed so if a tiny amount did come out I doubt he'd notice. I think most men are less bothered by this sort of thing than women, and if the sex is good they'd forget anything else that happened!

 

[Starr]

Hey, I never thought about dark sheets--what a good idea!

So far, I haven't found anything that does not trigger - and the calcium just tends to make me sick and constipated, but I'm going to try the one suggested by Linda and maybe the flavanoids. So, hopefully, there will be some relief in the near future.

I appreciate your help and I cannot imagine telling someone new! I love the thread on the bathrooms--Don't you?

 

[15343]

Dark sheets sound good-i'll keep that in mind!Nad yeah. most men are not bothered by these small details-so long the sex is good! That was very well said!

 

[*Luna*]

Starr, did you mean to say you had IBS-D? Having accidents and taking calcium are things I am used to seeing from D-types but not C-types. Our advise to you might vary depending on your symptoms. Unless she's revised her recommendations in the last few years, Linda's calcium help used to be for D-types. Calcium carbonate is constipating, which is wonderful for people like me! I could tell you some things that help me deal with diarrhea but if you are constipated my helps will only make you feel worse!

 

[Starr]

Luna, you are absolutely right, I did mean IBS-D not C; I only wish; but the Calcium from the Oysters I tried made me very constipated. During my divorce--it was so bad that I was going 20 to 40 times a day--that is not an exaggeration, either. Otherwise, it is everytime I eat, which is why it is very hard to believe I can gain weight; but I do. LOL I am very allergic to mineral oil, (it makes my skin hurt and scale off) but I still tried the Sam's brand of Caltrate in desperation (which contains M.O.), I should not have done it--PAIN. I'm giving them to my mom--who also suffers from this. I got a small bottle of the caltrate, which does not do as good a job of listing the ingredients as Sams. We will see. I was wondering about the flavanoids listed elsewhere on this site--any suggestions here?Never any real panacea is there? I really appreciate your help and input; it is so very frustrating--and embarrassing. I know it feels really good to have found all of you--and know I'm not alone. Thank you.Starr

 

[*Luna*]

If you have D without calcium, and got C when you tried it before, you might do really well with an in-between dosage. I'm always trying to do enough "constipating" things to make me normal. When something makes you C, you scale it back. Less Imodium, less calcium, less of whatever it was.It's also good to ease into taking new vitamins...start with half a calcium 1-2 times a day and built up. It can be uncomfortable as our bodies get used to having stool in the intestines again.I forget if you've said you've tried antispasmodics? That might help you some. I found "Mike's Tapes" (check out the hypnotherapy forum for more info) to be incredibly helpful especially for the anxiety part of my IBS-D. When I felt an attack coming, I handled it in a different way and could make it to a bathroom more easily. I was also less likely to get D from stress. Being intimate can be stressful, unfortunately.Having an understanding partner REALLY helps. And on the days when my stomach really doesn't feel good, we find other ways to make him (or us, depending on how bad my stomach is!) happy

 

[Starr]

Luna, thank you, I will try the hypnotherapy forum, I do have a problem with stress, like most of us, I remember when I was young and the doctors swore that stress was not a problem--that was a long time ago though, they have come along now, we've educated them

haha.Thanks again,Starr