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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The walls are not responding and I know someone reads these. I won't make it a long story though. My son should be moved out tonight from the upstairs apt. and my heart is breaking. He was married on Oct. 14th to a girl I love very much...but she turned on me and hates me now...and it hurts. My son and I have always been close..even though he gets very nasty sometimes...and she is demanding he stay away from me...and it hurts but it hurts more to see him hurt. I miss her and talking doesn't help. She and I were sooo close and then "poof" gone. Anyway, I knew this week would be hard but how often can a heart get stomped on? I'm stressed to the max and my guts are not being very nice to me today. So IBS goes with stress I know and they say the gut has a mind of its own?? I SAY IT HAS A HEART of its own and thats broken too. I'm trying to stay busy..between bathroom breaks...but the pain is so bad I can barely stand up anymore.Not D per se but in there every half hour with a bit more and a bit more. I keep thinking there can be nothing left in there but on and on. I don't want to be "sick" today as they will wake up soon and I'll have to pretend to not be sad. Oh well...thanx for letting me cry.DebHad to cut it short as son popped down to see me for a sec. This is too long anyway.Sorry again.[This message has been edited by brksmom (edited 11-11-2000).]
 

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say more - i think you've got a poem started here, and I'd like to hear the rest: "?? I SAY IT HAS A HEART of its own and thats broken too. I'm trying to stay busy..between bathroom breaks...but the pain is so bad I can barely stand up anymore."hope the pain lessens. take care.tom
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
A poem eh Tom?? Perhaps I'll work on one.For now since I'm taking advantage of the boards "ears" Heres one that was written by my daughter long ago. WORDSOF ALL THE WORDS THAT CURSE AND BLAMETHE SORROW FALLS TO SHORT OF SHAMETHE TEARLESS CRIES FROM ENDURING SOULSDECRIES THE ANTIC LIFE LONG ROLESWITH LIFE AND DEATH TO FAR YET NEARIT'S VISIBLE ENOUGH TO FEARTHAT WORDS CAN AFFLICT THE SOUL AND HEARTAND MAKE A LOVED ONE SOON DEPART. Daylena L. C.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Aw Deb, don't cry! This is so sad when families get pulled apart. Hopefully in time they will come around and realize just how important "family" really is.[[[hugs]]]debbieP.S. Your daughters poem is exellent![This message has been edited by little debbie (edited 11-11-2000).]
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm really sorry to hear this, but your son loves you I'm sure and he'll come around and realize just how really important to him you are. Anyways, I'll keep you in my prayers.Nelly
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hi BrksmomYour son popped down to see you? Well, that's good news! He is probably feeling tugged and torn in a situation that sounds pretty painful for all concerned. Would it be beyond the realms of possibility to sit as a group of three and talk this out, without voices getting raised?I can empathise with this situation as my partner fell out with my mother, and the struggle and tension it caused was awful, often the cause of IBS flare ups for me. Talking it out, honestly and openly is the best way through this, sharing feelings and apologising where it is needed will bring the healing that's needed. If it reamins unspoken, it will only fester, and you'll feel so depressed as a result.I do hope that talking will be a real possibility for you, and good luck with this.Andy------------------ http://www.dustyspringfield.co.uk/[This message has been edited by Andyyeovil (edited 11-12-2000).]
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanx Andy,But we have tried talking on 2 occasions and all I found out was that she sees me as a threat to her. Nothing I can do but wait I suppose. I sure hope today won't be like yesterday. Counting the tiles in the bathroom. Deb
 

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Deb - maybe things will get better when they don't live upstairs from you anymore. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Perhaps your DIL saw you as a threat because you all lived in such close proximity. I guess I would just give them some space once they move into their new digs and take it from there.
 

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brksmomHello! I think I may be able to provide a little insight into your problem (I hope!).My mother in law and I used to be very close too. After I got pregnant we kind of fell out a little bit. And you're right...I did see her as kind of a threat. I thought she was being way too intrusive into my relationship. She was just being helpful, but I did not see things that way. A lot of times my husband would go to her for advice and not listen to me. Something must have happened to make her feel like that. But it is probably just in her own mind. There is no way she can realize how much you love your son. After they are gone and they have a place of their own she will probably come around. She will realize that no one knows your son like you do and will come to you for advice. Until then, please do not sit there today and cry!! Take one of your ibs free moments to go upstairs and tell them BOTH how much you are going to miss them. Once she sees how hurt you are she will surely come around. I will say a prayer for you today that this all works out for the best! Lots of loves n t
 

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brksmom,Sorry to hear things are so rough for you right now. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I did want to tell you that my mom and her daughter-in-law never got along either. Her DIL told my brother he was a "Mama's Boy" and things like that. She wouldn't even come to any family parties because we bugged her that much. But things got better over time, and when she had a child my mom was a big help, and now, although they are not the best of friends, they do get along and she doesn't pick on my brother for being close to his family. See, she was never close to her family, so I guess she didn't understand our relationship.On another serious note, if you and your DIL got along well and then she turned on you for no reason whatsoever, don't forget that a medical examination might be recommended. She could have bipolar disorder, a thyroid problem, or one of many other medical reasons for such a drastic change in personality. Good luck to you, I hope it helps to know so many of us are thinking of you.
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
They left last night. They have their things in storage and are now living with her mom. I just wish I knew what happened..but I don't. Yes maybe all in her mind as I do NOT give advice. I usually just sit and listen while they both vent. One at a time though. I miss them both very much and as I said talking doesnt help. I thought of writing to her but shake too much when I think of it. I'm sure in time things will be ok. Till then I have seen a lot of things I SHOULD do in the bathroom. Wash the walls, fix a crack in the ceiling...maybe put something that calms me in there??? Hope this doesn't go on very long. I'll end up redecorating everything in there??? I'm doing so so with the guts today. No D but pain like you would not believe...or maybe you all would. hehehe.All I can say is that things could be worse and go from there. Thanx for listening. It means a lot to me as I have no one to talk to and as I posted...the walls are not responding.I love you all!!!!Deb
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Mannie,She used to take paxil..but stopped. Maybe thats a factor. I found out last night that it isn't just me she wants my son away from. Its EVERYONE. His friends, her friends and even her sister. Oh how I hate to see this happening with nothing I can do.I feel sooo bad for both of them...and if my son really knew how bad I hurt he would go off like a rocket. They don't need that.Oh well..and yes I am very glad that someone thinks of me. I feel very lost.Deb
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I wonder whether, eventually, your son could get her to go to counseling with him. It's going to get on his nerves after awhile, if she's that jealous and controlling. Poor guy.
 
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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I totally agree with you, it does have a heart of it's own. My bf, whom I was completely and totally in true love with, broke up with me a month ago and we have still been seeing each other but we keep getting into these huge fights. The night he broke up with me I had D very bad, I was in the bathroom all night long. And every fight we have I get it too. That is horrible about your daughter-in-law. Maybe she's not the person you thought she was. My ex (not the one I was just talking about) was very very nice to my mom when we were together, but he constantly put her down behind her back. Then when he'd see her he'd be all friendly and they talked all the time. I'm glad I broke it off when I did because he was going to propose to me 6 months after I broke up with him. All he really wanted was to get me away from my family and have complete control over me. It sounds like maybe you need to talk to your son and see what things are REALLY like between them.
 
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