To start off with, i'm an 18 year old girl who has suffered with stomach problems her whole life. The beginning of my huge problems happened around 8th grade. My parents were going through a nasty divorce, always yelling and home life was hard. I would often go to the mall by myself because being around all the yelling gave me bad anxiety. Since it was 8th grade, we were preparing for graduation. I had such a hard time being comfortable and i always felt like i was gonna puke or need to run to the bathroom when we had practices, but then it became an everyday thing. The day of my graduation i made it about 5 minutes before i left the started crying in the hallway because i thought i was gonna be sick. The thing with me though is once i'm out of the situation it's like all the scary symptoms go away and i'm ashamed i couldn't get through the event. Anyway, i was dreading high school because the thought of being in an unfamiliar place and not knowing where the bathrooms were scared me to death. I'd barely eat so i wouldn't have anything i could throw up or need to go to the bathroom over and i'd survive off pepto. It was a strict catholic school without AC so by the end of the day i'd be dehydrated and exhausted. I never did after school activities etc because i couldn't handle it. Every morning when i first entered the school i would go right to the bathroom and have a watery bm caused by anxiety, and this in itself would make me nervous for the rest of the day. Any twinge or slight noise in my stomach would convince me that i couldn't make it through the day. I had pretty much every test for stomach conditions and they'd find nothing but ibs to diagnose me with. I'd miss a ton of school, and my mom would write "ibs" as the cause on my absentee notes every time. They were SO embarrassing to hand in. I'd get really bad diarrhea around exams and it was awful because i'd focus on not having an accident rather than doing well on the test. Fast forward to junior year, where everything finally took control of me. I was missing tons of school and but school literally just started. I got all the mean and bad teachers, so that was a major anxiety starter. My math teacher would yell and be so obnoxious about everything, and math was my worst subject so it killed me everyday. Then one day i had to ask him for a slip to the nurses office, he annoyedly gave me one and i left. The nurse at this school always seemed to hate me because i was there so much. She got frustrated that i was always there and never actually threw up so she forced me back to class. About 2 minutes back in the class, i knew for sure i was gonna puke and asked the teacher if i could go back, and boy did he flip, saying i shouldnt have even come back blah blah. After that i was terrified to come back to school and i found out that teacher would make comments about me not being there when attendance was taken. After being out for so long, the school was supposed to gather my work for me but they never did nor returned our calls when we asked about it. I had to transfer to an online school and i felt like a failure. If i had just been able to control my anxiety and ibs i could have had a chance at a real highschool experience. I felt even worse when i left cause so many people would say things like "i'm sure if you were an athlete the school would have put more effort into keeping you here." I lost all my friends and social media was my only connection to their world. I would see them post pics having fun and i'd get so depressed. As the year went by i started to get a bit better. Fast forward to now, everyone is moving on to college but i still can't seem to shake the feeling of failure. I'm not going to school right away cuz i'm unsure of what i want to do. I worry if i can handle a traditional school again after the bad high school experience. I revolve every career i'm interested in around my problems, like for example i'd like to look into teaching but my anxiety tells me no since i can't leave a classroom unattended for multiple bathroom trips. I need to get a part time job but i'm terrified. While i did online school i would just be home, but the thought of having to go get a job and having a schedule gives me anxiety again, making me wonder if i ever actually improved my anxiety or if i just hid from my problems. Things that should be fun aren't fun to me. on the rare occasion that i get invited out i find an excuse because of my stomach and anxiety. Even when i go on vacation with family, my anxiety rules over and i feel like i ruin a lot of things. I wish i could become one of those people who don't have a care in the world, but it seems impossible when my anxiety makes me extremely nauseous and gives me the runs. I'm even starting to have trouble getting in cars with others. I think i need medication, but i'm afraid it won't work or itll make it worse. My parents have no idea this is happening to me again, and i don't wanna bring it up to get meds bc they'll ask me 10000 questions.