[shepherdpal]

i have really appreciated the info and honesty on these boards and I pray for all who are suffering with these problems which rod so much of the living from us. Unlike most of you, I am suffering thru my own fault. I had severe anorexia from the age of 13 - 25 and for the last abused laxatives. i would take 30 correctols 2-3 times a week. I overcame this horror thur the grace of God who gave me a deep desire to have children. I gave up the laxatives and between the ages of 30 and 34 had three healthy babies with one miscarriage. all 4 children are teens now and I an 48. the years of laxative abuse damageg my colon to where I needed suppositories to get going every day, but other than that i was OK. In March i began suffering from constipation and began using laxatives again. i had a colonoscopy in april and the doctor said my colon was paralyzed from the years oflaxative abuse. He prescribed Miralax which helped, but caused bloating. In May I began having a clear watery discharge from both the vagina and rectum and my OBGYN found a grapefruit sized mass. At first they thought it was an ovarian tumor, but now they think it may bepart of the colon. i have an guided ultra sound biopsy next week and surgery in august. The doctor said I may need a colonoscopy. I was supposed to take 30 kids from my church to Toronto on Sunday for 10 days, to have world Youth Day for with the Pope and now i can;t go. I have let them all down. The tumor mass has made me very anemic too. sometimes I don't think i will ever feel good again, but i brought it on myself so shouldn't complain

 

[GailSusan]

Wow, you lay a lot of guilt on yourself! The mass probably had nothing to do with your laxative abuse when you were younger. As for missing the trip, it's not your fault you are ill. Now is the time to put yourself first. You must take care of yourself. Why is it taking so long before you have the surgery? That doesn't make any sense to me. I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. I'll pray for your complete and rapid recovery.

 

[KLG]

Hi Sheperdpal,Don't ...and I repeat don't Blame Yourself. Hind sight is 20/20. I am glad to hear that you are no longer anorexic, that you were able to overcome it. You should be proud of yourself for that. That in itself is no easy task! Besides you don't know what might have been. Laxative abuse could have paralyzed it, yes, but who is to know for sure. There are tons of people on here who haven't suffered from eating disorders but still suffer from IBS, Crohn's, GERD etc. In life, if we think too much about the past with regret, we'll miss the present. There is no changing the past, and besides, this could have happened to you even if you hadn't had anorexia. Since you don't know what might have been, it's easy to blame yourself. Don't do it, you're going through a lot right now. Take care of yourself and let the guilt go.I hope everything works out. I will keep you in my prayers. PLEASE keep us posted. And like GailSusan said, focus on YOU and don't put so much guilt on yourself.KariPS- Did you have your pelvic ultrasound this week? How did it go?

 

[Auroraheart]

Pls don't blame yourself. I was bulimic and I used to eat BARS of exlax everyday. I also think this exasperated my digestive tract and helped to create my IBS. However, like was said, hindsight is 20/20. What does not kill us DOES make us stronger. Not only for our own purposes, but to help others. In doing that I think we serve a purpose in the world. Postive thinking helps so much with IBS.Take care of yourself and let us know about that tumour mass!

 

[shepherdpal]

Thanks for the support. I had the ultrasound biopsy of the pelvic mass but won't know the results until Tuesday. The doctor said that even if it is not cancer the surgery may have to remove a part of my colon and rectum and I may possibly need a colostomy, so i am pretty scared, but trusting God who brings good from everything we turn over to Him.

 

[GailSusan]

I would get a second opinion. That's pretty radical surgery. I'd want to make sure that at least two surgeons were in agreement on this. I'd also make sure I got the top surgeon for this operation. In any surgeons' group there are some who are more experienced than others. Sounds like a tough time for you. I'm sorry.

 

[KLG]

Hi Shepherdpal-Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I know that this is a difficult time for you. I agree with GailSusan, definitely consider a second opinon. Please keep us posted.

Kari

 

[ohnometo]

Hi and welcomeI know how people can struggle with addictions..and it is powerful to overcome...But like others have said dont beat your self up..You are doing wonderful ...I would have to agree with GailSusan I think I would get a second opinion when it comes to surgery..Hang around here with us and remember to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME

 

[OppOnn]

I am so sorry you are suffering and agree with the others, don't blame yourself.I once had a friend who was a doctor. She said to me, and I have always remembered this good advice which I pass on to you, because it really does make sense.If you ever get seriously ill, don't rely on 2 doctors, go to 3. She said, 2 often disagree, and you don't know where you are. A third can help put it all in perspective.And, further, she said, remember, there are good doctors and bad, they are all human, some make mistakes. I have since read that some doctors had to be bottom of their class.So, do go to at least one other doctor, preferably two.Good luck.O

 

[shepherdpal]

I went to the doctor today and they said the tumor is cancer. They are going to operate next week. He said depending on what they find I may need a temporary colostomy for 6 months. i will be in the hospital for at least a week and with 4 kids and school starting thats going to be hard. I homeschool our 13 year old. i had a normal colonoscopy in april and the tumor wasn't there, but now it is on the rectal wall, the size of a grapefriut. They think it originated from out side the colon and popped thru. i am pretty scared.

 

[JackieGian]

I'm praying for you! Hang in there!

 

[hyacynth26]

I rarely post, but you will be in my thoughts.