[rugbygrl16]

I am 27year female who has FBO issues due to IBS since i was 19. i've been in college for the past 4 1/2 years dealing with this. so as u can imagine my whole college experience has been a nightmare and over the course of these years its gone from mild to severly worse..these days i go to class and i'm virtually an outcast cause my college is very small and everyone pretty much knows about me..so my reputation is basically ruined..whereever i go people already know who i am, i get mean stares from strangers and i'm shun by my classmates on a daily basis..through this whole ordeal i try to keep to myself and mind my own business..i bascially don't have a social life..it better to stay at home outside of class instead of getting harassed when i try to social so i don't..weekends are just me on the couch with my roomates..other than class and shopping neccesities i don't go anyone that i don't absolutely have to go..as for my dating life,,its not existence. I am an attractive woman but with my condition i don't expect that any guy would want to date me in this time give my condition and reputation..anways in one of the classes i am taking, we were assigned projects and spilt into groups of three. on the last day of class on monday, the guy in my group at the end of class asked me out for coffee and i said yes..why i said yes i have no idea..the thing that confuses me is that in the class that i have with this guy everyone pretty much knows of my condition and reputation and have talked/joke/or made reference about my FBO at every class session we've had..I'm suprised this guy asked me out because i'm sure he has heard the way the rest of the class feels about me.my question if he has heard then why would he ask me out?..i was under the impression that if he like the rest of class didn't like me so i was shocked that he asked me ...anways i agreed and we are going out tomorrow evening for coffee..I'm extremely nervous not really sure what to think about the whole thing and i am wondering if he hasn't heard about my condition and reputation, do u guys think i should tell him myself because eventually he will probably hear it from someone else?

 

[Ernie_]

Hmm ... well there are two logical explanations for this the way I see itEither he doesn't know or he doesn't care. Not every single person on this planet is superficial enough to let such a thing disrupt a potential relationship. Either way I wish you good luck with the date. You are a lot more brave than I am (I am guy with a similar problem). I don't know how you should approach to find the answer, but I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

[rugbygrl16]

hey guys,here's an update on my coffee date..anways i went even though i was nervous and had the most amazine night!!!we left the coffee shop at 9:45pm have been there since 6pm..we just couldn't stop talking..it was just a really laid back atmosphere..we had such amazing chemistry that it really scared the hell out of me..we're so compatible its scary..only difference is that he's obviously more outgoing then i am.. I did however found out that he doesn't know anything about my fbo due to IBS and my reputation around town/school as a result of it...strange thing is he was in the same class with all those people who know and yet he hasn't figured it out nor has anyone said to him..how strange is that?Now i'm really confused cause i'm finding that i'm started to like this guy but yet i have this dark cloud over my head, just waiting and expecting someone to tell him about me and they expecting him to never speak to me again...i'm so confused i don't know if i should just tell him myself or stop talking to him so he can quickly forget out me..He's a very outgoing guy and goes out alot with friends..etc and i don't know how he could handle been seen in public with me knowing that people are talking abouting me and recognize as the smelly girl everywhere i go..what do u guys think i should do?

 

[Ernie_]

I am really happy that you had a nice date. I was wondering ... earlier you wrote that you usually spent the weekends on the couch with your room mates. I was wondering, how do they respond to your FBO problem? If they don't get too bothered by it, there should be a fair chance that others don't get too bothered by it too? But I completely understand your concerns and anxiousness ... and the dispair you coud risk too feel if the FBO or bad reputation later would appear to be a problem for him. Maybe you should give this a chance and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst? I don't know how you should inform him about the FBO, but I guess it has to happen sometime sooner or later. For my part (if I had the nerves to go through with something like this), it would be easier to write about the problem via a chat client like MSN messenger or instant messages on a cell phone, rather than saying it face to face ... but that's just me ... Again, I'm sorry that I can't give you any helpful advice. My strategy has always been to avoid such relations, but that hasn't made me any happy at all. Whatever you decide to do and what happens next I am wishing you good luck. Take care.

 

[Guest]

Sounds to me that he just isnt bothered about it. Or...perhaps he cant notice it. Is your problem a 24/7 problem because how can he not know about it...? I remember it being quite obvious when i had it and i had it for years.Oh and good job going on the date

 

[rugbygrl16]

Yes i am totally suprised by this guy..he's totally amazing..i can't believe it myself.After our coffee date on friday..he come over saturday night to hang out and watch movies with me..we interacted like we'd know each other our whole lives..he told me that he's had a crush on me since the first day he saw me in class and waited till the end of the semester to ask me out and it was the things i said in class that stood to him...i still just find it strange that he never noticed my FBO at all cause he sat directly behind me the entire semester...i just don't know how he noticed/smell anything but the rest of the class did and treated me with cruelty.. I thought my FBO was consisently apparent all the time because i can always smell it the strange thing is that my own family has never noticed it. I 've also noticed that some people smell it and so don't..i've developed a tough skin over the 4 years i've been in college but still sometimes i am and amazed at how immature people can be..it was a nightmare going to that class everyday..i've had people label me a horrible person...before i met this guy i had gotten use to mostly keeping by myself and had accepted that i would never find anyone and would probably never get married..I had made my peace with god and myself..Right now i feel horrible about the whole situation and knowing that i will have to eventually tell him about my condition and reputation..today i was taking one of final exams for the semester at a different time scheduale then then had been offered. the professor had me take the final in another class in which he was giving a final..when i walked into the class i was immediately greeted with icy cold looks and stares before one of the students started talking about me saying i smelled bad loud enough for me to hear..this guy had been in many previous classes i had were i was harassed daily.. I rushed through my final and quickly got out the class...the rest of the day i just felt horrible and started thinking aobout this new guy i met....So far from what i can tell he a really good guy but I just don't know how he will be able to handle being seen with me in public or go anyway in public..I haven't had a social life since i was 19.. I'm not a normal woman..I just thinking it would be unfair for him to have to deal with all that stuff once i tell him..how could he not feel ashamed to be seen with me..I feel that i would be a burden for me..I guess i feel that the best thing i can do for him is to break off things and let him go so he can find someome normal with the FBO baggagee..what do u guys think?

 

[Constinker]

Trust me, not everyone notices some smells. I've got at times just severe fecal body odor, and I've still got students that want to take my lesson, that's not to say I haven't had a lot of students quit soon after meeting me.I know that some students certainly notice, but they have continued taking my lessons. In short, they'll laugh it up, but they also like me somehow. I also have a few chicks that are interested in me despite this. What is it that makes them overlook what some hate me right off the bat for? Beats me!I'm married but living seperately. I have a son as well. Eventually we'll get divorced, but not soon, so I can't follow up on anything, but there are people who don't notice smells that most would, or just don't care.In the end, what can you do? Within a coffee date, the best thing you can do is enjoy yourself, and your 'atmosphere will rub off on those around, and people will be more likely to overlook stinkiness (but not all).I don't speak from a non-stinky point of view either, I've had seven people look at me with nothing but disgust in a hotel reception, I've had students that like me wrinkle their noses when entering the room. I can't recall how many times young kids have said it stinks like ######. It's weird that a few can accept and like you when most would rather avoid you, and a few even hate you, but it keeps me going. It keeps me going.

 

[Ernie_]

Constinker: How are u doing after surgery? Is the FBO still gone?

 

[Constinker]

Ummm... no, it reappeared a few days after the op, but it hasn't been as frequent, nor quite as intense as before. I think I pretty much smell bad all the time, cause I still get a few people showing disgust and derision even when I can't smell anything, but I can usually walk through a busy mall and not everyone's commenting or turning to see who the stinker is, whereas before it occassioned almost everyone's comments. Occassionally it's very intense, usually for half a day after I've had a bowel movement.

 

[Ernie_]

Constinker: Which probiotic products have u tried to neutralize the smell? Do u have any other IBS symptoms?

 

[Constinker]

Biofermin (it has acidiphillus and lacto bacillus), and some other lacto bacillus stuff. I'm trying to get my hands on VSL#3.I sometimes get a lot of mucus in my bowel movements, or just lots of gas moving about. No real abdominal pain though.

 

[Ernie_]

Okay. I am currently using two probiotics ... one from Sweden called "Probiomax" which contains lactobacillus reuteri. I also use a product called Primadophilus Original. These two pretty much neutralize the smell from my feces and gas, so they might also be worth a try. Is it a problem to import probiotics to Japan?

 

[Constinker]

I don't think there's a restriction on probiotics here. I'll look into getting those. Thanks!

 

[Ernie_]

Con: The Probiomax product might be hard to obtain in Japan. This product contains exactly the same (but it's a bit more expensive)http://www.amazon.com/BioGaia-Probiotic-Ch...0585&sr=8-4

 

[Constinker]

A big thanks Ernie!

 

[Guest]

Rugbygrl16 il reply to what you said in a different thread about your family not noticing any smells and what you said in here...If we take for granted that the smell isnt there when your with your family and only around school then it will probably be a mental issue as you said that is causing it. What im thinking in more detail is that when your in school your very , very nervous and that will cause anyones stomach to be more unstable. Ie some people get diarrhea as a cause of being nervous. I, like you have been (still am) nervous for social situations outside people i know such as going to school in a new class and we both have FBO problems. Its easier said than done but i belive the only way you will find out if its constant or only sometimes is to be in some situation where you will be around people you dont know (go for a walk or go to a mall etc) but do it without thinking Do i smell? (and/or everything else that makes you nervous) and instead accept it as a fact and see what happens. Ask a stranger if they notice anything when your mind is at peace (keeping your stomach calm). The more humiliating solution would be to ask a family member to come with you to school one day and see if he/she notices it when your in school outside your "safety zone".Dont be stupid and break things off he approached you so leave it be. If hes been in class with you he probably knows by the comments that something is wrong even if he cant notice it himself and he hasnt had a problem with it. Dont forget that guys are quite resistant to bad smells even if i do understand that as a woman its even worse to have to handle as (bad) smells are a bit more manly!

 

[Common Response]

You've suffered with your affliction for too long & in danger of locking yourself away through negative conditioning.Don't listen to those who marginalize you.You're a human being with feelings & aspirations.I know dignity is important to us all, but this time put your thoughts aside & let your date decide.Otherwise you'll end up missing out on life.In my experience some people don't seem to be able to detect FBO whilst others are super sensitive to it.If this guy really cares for you FBO needn't be an issue.I've been married for thirty years & it hasn't been an issue for my wife.None of us likes to live with FBO but sometimes we can exaggerate how bad it actually is.I also suspect the intensity of FBO can increase with increased stress such as spending time with many people in confined locations such as classrooms & offices.My son is a great role model for me.He also suffers from Chrohns (ulcerative digestive tract) disease but carries on so normally that he's now surrounded himself with many friends who seek him out & attracts girlfriends. Sometimes it's not what we have but how we let it control our lives. If we withdraw then we miss out on life.The fact that this guy makes you feel comfortable & at ease is good & may have a positive affect on your condition when with him.Intimacy & falling in love is exhilarating & a high in life.Go for it beautiful girl.

 

[Kyku]

Hi rugbygrl16, I'm just wondering how things progressed with the nice guy from your class. I hope it has all worked out and that he turned out to be worthy of you. There are definitely great guys out there. I was so nervous about my IBS at the start of my last relationship. I had (and still have) bloating and excessive flatulence during the night. But it was never a problem for him, we always just laughed about it. If someone is going to have a problem with something as superficial as body odor, they're not worth your time anyway. Keep your head held high.

 

[hopeful23]

hey I read your post and was wondering how things are going with you and the guy, give you props for going on the date, I would have never dared well hope that it everything turned out good

 

[Primrose]

Maybe this guy has his own problems and would appreciate meeting someone who he can relate to??