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So I guess this is a combination introduction/vent. It is due to reaching an all time low that I have sought out an online support group, so that's just kind of the mood I am in.My name is Ruby. I am 21 years old. Around Thanksgiving of 2008 I felt like I had stomach flu. Nausea, I don't think I actually vomited. Then the same thing happened a week later. And again. Before I knew it I was waking up vomiting every few weeks or so. My mom wouldn't let me go to the doctor, she thought it was just because I sleep like a college student (because, you know, all of us puke every third night.) Then it graduated to severe, burning pain. I got sick when I ate, sick when I slept, etc and so forth, plus the usual nausea. After waking up screaming my mom let me go to the doctor and I was referred to a gastroenterologist. I had an upper endoscopy, hida scan, small bowel follow through, and ultrasound (but no colonoscopy, for some unknown reason) and they found nothing. Insisted I just had a nervous stomach and gave me ativan. I thought this was utterly ridiculous and figured we'd just have to get a second opinion. Then my mom got sick, our insurance costs skyrocketed into mortage-payment range just for catastrophic coverage because she has a pre-existing condition and we must buy private insurance as self-employed people do, and I never got my second opinion because we couldn't afford for me to see any more doctors. My allergist, who acted as our GP for most of my life until he retired last year because he was just THAT good, suspected IBS and gave me bentyl to try but it didn't work and then he retired, and while the current theory is IBS I have no official diagnosis of anything.Eventually the nausea subsided for the most part, only to be replaced with almost constant diarrhea. The stomachaches became manageable for a long time due to a GI cocktail I was taking, but that is no longer effective. I still get vomity every few weeks or so, but it's mostly just diarrhea now. Recently I've added severe constipation to my repertoire, which is excellent because I'll feel totally fine for a week or two, not even realize I am constipated (until now that I am watching for it), feel like I am going to die for an hour while I pass everything, and then I feel like hell vomiting for a week straight until the cycle continues.I have tried all sorts of elimination diets, thinking perhaps celiacs or casein intolerance or lactose intolerance etc and so forth, all for naught. Though it seems I have absolutely suddenly developed some kind of extremely severe lactose intolerance, I had a scoop of icecream on friday and on Sunday night I am still not normal again, after being up all night puking on Friday. I definitely believe it is related to dairy, this started around april, but it is intermittent and inconsistent. So I have no idea what the hell is up with that.I am reaching a point where my life does not even feel worth living. I would never seriously consider suicide, I went down that road as a teenager and will never do so again, but I am just that miserable. I am constantly in pain, not able to go places, having to make excuses for my incessant absences at school. Nobody gets that it's not just like a cold. I can't just go to class like I would if I had the sniffles. I am literally confined to the bathroom for hours on end because I am so ill I will soil myself if I try to leave. And it's not like it's socially acceptable to say, "NO, REALLY, I COULDN'T GO TO YOUR PARTY BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE LITERALLY CRAPPED MYSELF." Nobody but my fiance understands what I am going through, and that is only because he witnesses it every day, which is a whole other story. This started shortly after we started dating, so it was not long before he was trying to help me survive yet another night of puking while I pray he doesn't dump me out of revulsion. I recently paid out of pocket to see the doctor because the cycle of constipation and general badness led to missing three weeks of school and I needed a note or I would fail my class, and she said my thyroid is gigantic and I need to have it tested and she is referring me to a different gastro who will do a colonoscopy. I don't know how I will afford either of these things, but I am going to try. You'd think with all this going on I'd be losing weight, but since it started I've gained 60lbs-- the first time I've gained weight disproportionately to vertical growth ever in my life. So clearly something is seriously wrong here.I am just so tired of being sick. It's so disabling, and it never seems to get any better no matter what I do. I am just so sad. I miss being able to eat normally, and sleep. I have to plan when and what I eat by whether or not I have anything important to do for the next two weeks, because if I eat a potential problem food (and more foods are potential problems than not) I may be out of commission for the next several weeks. One of my friends posted, as a joke, on my facebook profile this description of my life story... and it is completely accurate:" i do something awesome, i get sick. i plan something awesome, i get sick and can't go. i get really motivated to do something awesome, i get sick. i get sick, i get sicker. i nearly die. i recover. then i get sick again. oh, wait, i fit something awesome in between that time."I am Ruby, and this is my life.ETA:Oh, and my freaking stomach hurts. JUST SO YOU KNOW.
 
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