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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just need to whine a little bit. Hope you all don't mind. I don't feel good today.....I have been doing great lately due largely to Mike's tapes but I began my dreaded monthly cycle early this morning and my day is really crappy (literally). I have the worst tummy ache and can't seem to get out of the bathroom for more than 15 minutes at a time. I know this will pass but I really feel whiney and grouchy. It's been a hectic summer already as my daughter is showing a horse in 4-H this year so she's spending everyday on her friend's horse farm working with one of their horses (they were kind enough to offer since we don't own a horse) and so I'm kept on the road constantly running back and forth, plus helping with the horse and this week and next will be especially hectic due to the fair drawing near and then going to work and coming home and trying to think of something for dinner everynight. Then to top it all off, my grandfather's wife (NOT my grandmother) who is 90 and very mean, has for the past month been playing ill and won't eat (atleast not infront of my grandfather)or get out of bed. She won't walk on her own and makes him do everything for her including taking her to the pot. She messes herself and he has to clean her up. He can't see or hear well and is almost 90 himself and this is wearing him out. He keeps thinking she's really sick and babies her something awful. She pretends to be asleep or whatever and scares him so that he thinks she's dead or something. Tell me something, if you are not eating and haven't for a month except for a little cranberry juice or water and maybe a bite of something once in a while, would you still have a bowel movement every day? She does.Like I said, she's a very mean spirited person and always has been from what her family has told us. We've dealt with her for the past 10 years and she's run everyone off with her mouth. My grandfather is a very social person but he has no friends anymore and the only reason I continue to help is because I love my grandfather. None of the rest of his family will help so it's fallen on my family only and we are sooooo tired.I'm sorry, I've whined way too much. Now I gotta go to the bathroom again.Thanks for listening.------------------How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on...
 

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Hey...that's what we are here for; to listen.
And I don't think you were whining at all; sounds like you have a lot going on.I'd suggest a swift kick to your grandfather's wife's butt; but that may break her hip and that just wouldn't be good. It really sounds like she needs some help. Is there any way of getting her into a care home? Or getting some community assistance for your grandfather? Some places have nurses that can come; or even volunteers who can come by and help. Your grandfather doesn't need that kind of stress or treatment from his spouse at ANY age; he needs to look after himself.You say your grandfather's wife has always been like this? Yeesh.... I agree with you that something has been going in her to make her bowels work like you said. Sounds like you have already tried to talk to your grandpa... What about taking him out by himself? Saying YOU need him; or taking him to see your daughter at her horse stuff? He may argue about leaving his wife, but stress how important it is to your daughter and you he comes. Maybe arrange for a friend to stay with her.Just on the off chance, is your she afraid of dying or of your grandpa dying? Is it making her cling like that looking for love? I had to give her the benefit of the doubt.For yourself...I wish I had magic words. I know what it is like to be doing SOOO well and then have a setback when you least need it. Keep doing what you think will help and force yourself to smile. Sometimes the smallest things help.
You must be very proud of your daughter and her accomplishments.
Good luck to you!
Take things as they come and do what you can.------------------"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis." --Margaret Bonnano[This message has been edited by Auroraheart (edited 07-15-2001).]
 

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Hey...that's what we are here for; to listen.
And I don't think you were whining at all; sounds like you have a lot going on.I'd suggest a swift kick to your grandfather's wife's butt; but that may break her hip and that just wouldn't be good. It really sounds like she needs some help. Is there any way of getting her into a care home? Or getting some community assistance for your grandfather? Some places have nurses that can come; or even volunteers who can come by and help. Your grandfather doesn't need that kind of stress or treatment from his spouse at ANY age; he needs to look after himself.You say your grandfather's wife has always been like this? Yeesh.... I agree with you that something has been going in her to make her bowels work like you said. Sounds like you have already tried to talk to your grandpa... What about taking him out by himself? Saying YOU need him; or taking him to see your daughter at her horse stuff? He may argue about leaving his wife, but stress how important it is to your daughter and you he comes. Maybe arrange for a friend to stay with her.Just on the off chance, is your she afraid of dying or of your grandpa dying? Is it making her cling like that looking for love? I had to give her the benefit of the doubt.For yourself...I wish I had magic words. I know what it is like to be doing SOOO well and then have a setback when you least need it. Keep doing what you think will help and force yourself to smile. Sometimes the smallest things help.
You must be very proud of your daughter and her accomplishments.
Good luck to you!
Take things as they come and do what you can.------------------"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis." --Margaret Bonnano[This message has been edited by Auroraheart (edited 07-15-2001).]
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for your encouraging words Auroraheart.Yes, I am very very proud of my daughter. She has loved horses since she was a small child and now she's getting to really live something she thought would never be a reality. She started riding lessons 6 weeks ago and the instructor was extremely impressed with her riding abilities after the very first lesson. She even said she could tell there was a real love there for horses and that my daughter was a natural.My daughter is very committed too. She works on this farm everyday in the heat, rain, you name it just so she can help pay for her riding lessons. Talk about bringing tears to my eyes! Thanks for giving me the chance to brag a bit
About my grandfather. It is actually he, who is afraid of her dying and leaving him alone. She is his eyes, ears and company because the rest of us can not be there with him all the time. We live about 20-30 minutes away. I think he feels that having someone like her is better than being alone.We have mentioned going to an assisted living home closer to all of us but he will not leave the farm. He will not leave her for more than a couple of hours at a time because he doesn't know what she may do. She is showing signs of senility but I don't know if it's real or a game. There are no friends who would come stay with her because she has run all of them off with her meanness. I really wish her doctor would put her in a nursing home just for my grandfather's sake if nothing else. They can afford it and it would be so much easier on my grandfather. Only problem is....his loneliness
I don't know what to do. I can only pray about it and wait for God's guidance. I wish I didn't feel such dislike for his wife because I don't like how it makes me feel.Thanks again for listening Auroraheart, I really appreciate it.------------------How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on...
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for your encouraging words Auroraheart.Yes, I am very very proud of my daughter. She has loved horses since she was a small child and now she's getting to really live something she thought would never be a reality. She started riding lessons 6 weeks ago and the instructor was extremely impressed with her riding abilities after the very first lesson. She even said she could tell there was a real love there for horses and that my daughter was a natural.My daughter is very committed too. She works on this farm everyday in the heat, rain, you name it just so she can help pay for her riding lessons. Talk about bringing tears to my eyes! Thanks for giving me the chance to brag a bit
About my grandfather. It is actually he, who is afraid of her dying and leaving him alone. She is his eyes, ears and company because the rest of us can not be there with him all the time. We live about 20-30 minutes away. I think he feels that having someone like her is better than being alone.We have mentioned going to an assisted living home closer to all of us but he will not leave the farm. He will not leave her for more than a couple of hours at a time because he doesn't know what she may do. She is showing signs of senility but I don't know if it's real or a game. There are no friends who would come stay with her because she has run all of them off with her meanness. I really wish her doctor would put her in a nursing home just for my grandfather's sake if nothing else. They can afford it and it would be so much easier on my grandfather. Only problem is....his loneliness
I don't know what to do. I can only pray about it and wait for God's guidance. I wish I didn't feel such dislike for his wife because I don't like how it makes me feel.Thanks again for listening Auroraheart, I really appreciate it.------------------How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on...
 

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Wow! You have an amazing daughter, she takes after you I see! I can see why you are so proud of her!I really don't know what else to suggest for your grandfather and his spouse. Sounds like a very toxic relationship! And they are still on the farm! I guess it is very hard to let go of things you love; even when you should.Is there a way you can talk to the doctor? Or is anyone responsible for their affairs? Or are they still? Do they have a Meals on Wheels program there? We have it here and you can maybe tell your Grandpa it is your Christmas present to him to have a meal brought to them; and have the company of the person who brings it. Gives him some outside contact.I wish you well....let me know how your daughter does at her riding thing! I'll be thinking of you both!------------------"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis." --Margaret Bonnano
 

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Wow! You have an amazing daughter, she takes after you I see! I can see why you are so proud of her!I really don't know what else to suggest for your grandfather and his spouse. Sounds like a very toxic relationship! And they are still on the farm! I guess it is very hard to let go of things you love; even when you should.Is there a way you can talk to the doctor? Or is anyone responsible for their affairs? Or are they still? Do they have a Meals on Wheels program there? We have it here and you can maybe tell your Grandpa it is your Christmas present to him to have a meal brought to them; and have the company of the person who brings it. Gives him some outside contact.I wish you well....let me know how your daughter does at her riding thing! I'll be thinking of you both!------------------"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis." --Margaret Bonnano
 

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JLeigh, just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through difficult times right now. It is hard to judge whether a person is truely ill and it is best for the doctors to do that. Although the lady may not have a physical illness she is obviously suffering in someway and may need help for that. These things shall pass... ------------------susanIBS D/C type & M.E/CFS
 

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JLeigh, just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through difficult times right now. It is hard to judge whether a person is truely ill and it is best for the doctors to do that. Although the lady may not have a physical illness she is obviously suffering in someway and may need help for that. These things shall pass... ------------------susanIBS D/C type & M.E/CFS
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks again Auroraheart, You're very kind and I love the card! I will let you know how my daughter does in her riding competition and showmanship comp. It's all very exciting but it is a first for her so hopefully she won't be disheartened if she doesn't place. I really don't think she will be because she is just excited to actually get to ride...period...I won't know anything until the 25th and 26th.My grandfather is of sound mind so his affairs are still...his. My mom is his POA if anything was to happen to him though. She has been trying to make a decision about what to do too. It's very hard.Actually, I think they do have a Meals on Wheels program in our area. It's funny you should ask that because I just saw a car today that said "Meal Delivery" in the back window! I'm going to check into it. As for the doctor, I am hoping he'll make the decision on his own to put her in a care home of some sort. We'll soon see I suppose.Wanderingstar, Thank you for caring. I agree with you about his wife. Even if she isn't really "ill", there is definitely something wrong with her.------------------How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on...
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks again Auroraheart, You're very kind and I love the card! I will let you know how my daughter does in her riding competition and showmanship comp. It's all very exciting but it is a first for her so hopefully she won't be disheartened if she doesn't place. I really don't think she will be because she is just excited to actually get to ride...period...I won't know anything until the 25th and 26th.My grandfather is of sound mind so his affairs are still...his. My mom is his POA if anything was to happen to him though. She has been trying to make a decision about what to do too. It's very hard.Actually, I think they do have a Meals on Wheels program in our area. It's funny you should ask that because I just saw a car today that said "Meal Delivery" in the back window! I'm going to check into it. As for the doctor, I am hoping he'll make the decision on his own to put her in a care home of some sort. We'll soon see I suppose.Wanderingstar, Thank you for caring. I agree with you about his wife. Even if she isn't really "ill", there is definitely something wrong with her.------------------How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on...
 
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