[wobbles11]

First of all i would just like to say hello to everyone, im kinda new here. i was hoping some of you could help me out. Well im 20 years old and this weekend i am going to visit my boyfriend in new jersey for the weekend. we are staying in a hotel for 2 nights. i have ibs and suffer from D mostly. its actualy just more of the strong urge to have to go to the bathroom. well he has been my bf for over 3 years but i have managed to keep this from him. i am embarassed of it and i was wondering if anyone had any tips for me. i was just thinking of taking a bunch of immodium. anyone have any ideas or short term remedies so i can continue to keep this from him? i will tell him sometime... just not yet. thanks everyone

 

[Jenn24]

I was in the exact same situation. I had a long distance relationship, and hid my IBS-D. I took alot of immodium and just didn't eat if at all possible when I saw him (I would lie and said that I had already eaten, or that I wasn't hungry).I think you should tell your bf. You can't hid it forever - if your relationship progresses - ie moving in - He WILL find out! I know it is embarrassing, it took me 2 years to tell my bf. He already knew SOMETHING was wrong with my stomach, he just didn't know exactly what. Everything worked out - we're getting married this summer.

Good luckJenn

 

[amfella]

Hi, I am new to this website too. I have IBS-D (ever since I had my gall bladder removed). I have a boyfriend, he is now living long distance, temporarily. So, we have stayed in hotel rooms, or me at his place during our visits. I have told him, although in not so many words...I just say stomach problems. He happens to have terrible terrible allergies, I mean a snot nose 24-7!!!! I sort of said...well..you have THAT problem..and I have THIS problem. At first he said it wasn't the same...I pushed it though, and he realized I was right. He is very supportive, I just say..I have to "go to the bathroom."..and I usually light a match. This really really takes the smell away...but then yeah, everyone..or HE knows I lit a match, but somehow that is now the routine. If I just don't use graphic words...just stick to have to go to the "bathroom"...he is fine and now we can joke about it. If your boyfriend has a sense of humor...sometimes that helps. He and I can joke about it now....about me carrying the matches around. "there you go...you and your matches" he'll say.I don't mean to say there is ANYTHING funny about this condition. I just mean we have that little joke...of "there she goes again". Also, in the mornings, he puts a hat on (don't ask why..just a silly hat) and grabs a bookand gives me a big grin before entering the bathroom to "do his own business". It's like he is announcing that he is "taking a ......you know"butthat way I NEVER have to. So when I use the bathroom...it is like it is just using the bathroom I might be having my "problem"..or might just be urinating....he doesn't have to know, and doesn't expect me announce it beforehand. I hope this doesn't sound wierd, it is hard to explain the little sillies that couples have

between them....but that is how I have handled it.If we are in public, or in a restaurant, and I have to go...I just grit my teeth, raise my eyebrows, and give him a child-like look...and say "I have to go to the bathroom"...and he saysOK...OK.. it's like he "knows" butjust doesn't need the details. It works.I hope you can find a way that works with the two of you. Yes, imodium can help a lot. (But then on our really long visits, he sees me buying it...but I just give him the "grin" I just described.)and he just nods. If you get a chance, post how it went after you return. Good luck!!!!

 

[jamolisa]

Cmon wobbles, If you've been going out with him for 3 years you should be able to tell him. If you dont feel comfortable telling him then maybe he's not "the one" for you and your wasting your time with him.If he loves you he will be concerned about you and want to help.You shouldnt be ashamed. This is what you are. You have to live with it and so will those that want to be with you.

 

[kyestar]

I think you should tell him. If he has been with you for 3 years, he doesn't deserve to be continually decieved by you. How would you feel if he was keeping an illness from you?If the two of you are serious enough to stay in a hotel together, then you are serious enough to be truthful.I don't know how you are going to manage to keep this from him while you are in the hotel. Immodium might help - but it will have repercussions. You could try eating really plain foods - but he may want to take you to resturants etc, which may be a bit of a problem. You could try telling him you have a tummy bug, or you could run the taps in the bathroom to cover any noises(!) - but if you do that, make sure you lock the door (he might think you are just washing your hands!!). You could tell him you have a sensitive stomach and that it might act up when you are away from home.That's about all I can think of... but honesty is the best policy!

 

[wobbles11]

i totally understand what youre saying, but i dont know why its so hard for me. i havent told any of my friends about this and it has been going on since i was a junior in HS. i am now a junior in college. i cant even go to the bathroom in public places. i have such a fear and embarassment and i dont know why.

 

[lauriejohnson]

Hi there!I thought I would pop on here and give you my experience. I am 38 years old, have had this for well over half of my life, and I've been married for 18 years. I too feel like this is such an embarassing problem, and we had been married many years before I even discussed it with my husband! When I did, of course he was worried about me, but he was kind of hurt that I hadn't let him in on all my pain and had kept everything a secret, (which had really been hard to do some times!) It really felt good to have him "on my side", and actually, I think that I started to feel better after telling him. Sure, I still get really nasty episodes (I am IBS-D like you), but now he is dealing with it with me....on the other side of the bathroom door, of course!

If you just aren't up to telling him yet, Immodium can help, but please consider opening up to him, because loved ones can tell when you are hiding something! Best wishes!

 

[wobbles11]

thanks for all the help and ideas... if you think of any more im open to anything! i know that ultimately i should tell him, but ihavent even told any of my friends and i have had IBS since junior year in HS... im now a junior in college. i have such an embarassment and fear problem with this. i dont know why. i cant even go in public or at friends houses. if i ever feel anything comming on i usually rish home. its just making me scared b/c going to NJ i obv. cant rush home.... anyways im open to more ideas and ill let you know how it goes. thanks again

 

[sophiekimmel]

I gotta agree. I'd say just come clean about it. I don't know what other advice to give...

 

[Nikki]

Yeah, i'd go with tell himt oo. Its a hige weight off you r mind when you finally do! Running taps is a good plan though. Imodium is all well and good but it might stop you up for some time then you'll get rebound D. NEVER good.