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Hi everyone,

I've been lurking on this forum for a long time and finally decided to post because I need emotional support. I'm going to school for environmental health and plan to attend law school after I get my bachelor's. My school is the best one in the country for environmental stuff and is super challenging. September of 2016 I was diagnosed with C. difficile which I fought for about 9 months, while still attending class. I took 4 or 5 courses of antibiotics, cleared it for 2 months, then had a recurrence of the disease. That nightmare was 'solved' with a fecal microbiota transplant (fmt). After that I continued to have the same symptoms of cramping, nausea, and diarrhea which my doctor labeled as post-infection IBS.

Now it is about 9 months after the fmt and the IBS has not improved, though I have found that Viberzi works well for me. What I came here to post about is the crushing anxiety I deal with, knowing that I may have another recurrence of C. difficile at any point. According to my doctor at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, C. diff is pretty much guaranteed for me again if I take any antibiotic. I wonder, how can I go my entire life without taking antibiotics ever again? It's a time bomb that could ruin my education, career, relationship, and life. Not to mention the daily struggles of cancelling plans and not being able to leave my apartment due to the post infection IBS-D I have now. I have lost all of my friends, and I feel lucky that my boyfriend even puts up with me. I see a counselor once a week about this stuff, and tried anxiety medication but couldn't deal with the side effects. I need to hear from some other people about how they deal with it.

Thanks for reading, just looking for some kindred spirits,
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