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Taken from classified ads in newspapers:FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFULLITTLE DOG. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKYNEIGHBOR'S DOGFREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD-PART STUPID DOG GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREEFOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offerAMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED. SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 13-finger, PAIR: $15 COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIESHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKSHUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S INSTOCK, WE HAVE IT!" GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL THATHOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINEDFREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100 TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WEOFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOXSPRINGS - $175.OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF100% ITALIAN LEATHER.JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300. LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TOREMEMBER***GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL. (O.K. now - which one of us was in Taco Bell?)
OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREECOFFEE & DONUTS FOR SALE BY OWNER - Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything[This message has been edited by kitty (edited 01-14-2000).]
 
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Thanks for a good laugh. Just what I needed to help me get through a Friday.Christine
Smile, It makes people wonder what you have been up to!!
 
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Kitty,Thanks for the fun post. Here's a duelling signs piece for you. Driving down a rural road, I saw a sign reading, "Lost: one pot belly pig, only 6 years old, playful, gentle and very intelligent. Weighs 350 lbs, wears red bandanna. Last seen on Tuesday grazing n front yard. If found, please call--------". On my return trip, I noticed another sign on the opposite side of the street from the first, reading: "For sale: Bacon, pork tenderloin, sausage and pot belly pig pie. Butchered on premisise Tuesday, get it while it's fresh! First customer receives free red bandanna!"Have a great weekend.
 
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Hi kitty, Thanks for the laff. here's one for you:After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved, later killed himself with a rope around the neck". "Oh, he didn't kill himself", Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry". ------------------ Don't make ME come down there!!. GOD
 
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