My problem is really gross but after a lot of thought I need to express it somewhere and as I think you lot are pretty unshockable when it comes to bowel movements, thought I would post it here.As a bit of background, I have had IBS both C&D for 10 years. Last year I had a very long,bad period of it which led to depression and eventually into a nervous breakdown. I lost my job and am now in recovery. My IBS at the moment is under control because of my anti depressants but my pyschologist who is helping me with my emotional issues has said that until I face up to whatever it is I'm hiding (she's very good!lol!) then I will always feel dirty, ashamed and humiliated about having IBS.So I thought sharing my problem/secret on here is my first brave move to accepting/acknowledging it.Basically every time I have a bowel movement I have to stick my fingers up my bottom and drag 'it' out, I then continue dragging stuff out until I feel really empty. This is the only way I feel 'empty' inside and can relax.However, this leads to a complete obsession about toilets because:a) I'm in there for ages at a time
I am petrified that someone might see me and what I'm doing, so I have a phobia about toilets with no locks, sharing toilets, anyone being outside the toilet door...etc...etcc) It's obviously pretty disgusting and can't imagine that it's doing my insides much good either.Not sure what response I want but definately not one telling me how 'DISGUSTING' that is...cos I know
Think it would be nice to know that there are other people out there who do pretty grim things in the bathroom out of desperation...Very sad, but glad I've made a brave step and finally admitted it to someone!Thanks
