[Guest]

Excessive bloating and gas is a problem with IBS.I am rumbling even as I type.This would be a good place to start a guide for relieving the pressure(?) of this socially unacceptable occerance.I am very confused.I have to admit the bean scene from Blazing Saddles is one of my favorites.I am overweight but my but is in great shape from the workout it has gotten through the years.You know the one"ohpleasegodletmeholdthisonetillicanget tosomewheretoletgo"isometric butt workout. I will go with the first rule.ALWAYS warn co workers of the SBD gas.A True friend and professional would not let you go into the red alert zone without protectivegear.ie:gasmask,perfume,lysol or scarf.Love Pattee

 

[Guest]

Pattee,Thanks for the laugh. I have had that problem and been looking for help for 40 years. It sure humbles a person. Joyce

 

[Guest]

Pattee,Now you're talkin my language! I am one of the worst people for laughing my head off at the act of farting! (ok, so I'm not in the high society catagory!)My mother is a fabulous person, & she raised us(all 6!) with a lot of humor. (guess you'd need a lot of humor with 6 kids!). Anyway, she deffinitely has "the gift" for blowing a tune & until just a few years ago I honestly believed SHE invented the phrase "PULL MY FINGER"! sass

 

[Guest]

oh.. my .. god.. thatis sooo funny.I think part of the reason farting is so funny to meis because we all do just some of us more than others.Just some people pretend they dont fart and if they did it SURE wouldnt stink.HAHAHAHAHA.Love Pattee Rule 2 ALWAYS release quietly and in a large group,then look puzzeled and wonder where that odor came from like everybody else.KEEP EM GUESSING!!

 

[charlie]

well i must say, when i am ready to cut loosei just let it rip,ha,ha ha, the sbd"s are the best,then you can look around and put the blame on someone else,"HEY WHO FARTED" it was'nt me, the first person that says that is the guilty party,ha,ha,ever notice that!

charlie

 

[Guest]

People don't believe me when I tell them how much fun we have on this ibs bb. But bathroom humor was always big in my house growing up. To this day, with all of us in our 40s, a family dinner isn't complete until somebody brings up the traditional bathroom conversation (OK - you have YOUR traditions, we have ours). Being brought up in the upper class family I was, my father never really felt like he'd farted unless he shared it with someone, literally holding it until we could all feel blessed with his special "gift." (No kidding). To this day, however, my mother has *never* farted. It is a family mystery we will probably never solve. My father's farts and cheshire grins, followed by my mother's disgusted retort "Oh, Fred!" shall be one of my fondest childhood memories.In MY family, I am also legend. But I am far too delicate to discuss this in public

 

[LindaB]

Oh, my God, ladies. You have GOT to have Charlie email you his audio-visual on the anniversary of Pork & Beans. I haven't laughed that hard in at least 10 years. I would send it to you, but it went bye-bye with my old computer.

 

[Guest]

I think I got rid of all my gas by reading these postings.Ive even made my dog miserable today.Its usually the other way around. When I was in the air force Stationed in England,every Wednesday was bean day.Everybody took turns bringing the bean dish of the day.Then they would time to see who farted first. I was appropriatly disgusted.Then it was my turn to bring the beans.Try working on a jet engine afterburnerand being behind one of the guys I worked with .The sound echoes and you cant get out of there fast enough.I thought about wearing my chemical warfare gear every wednesday even when we werent on alert.Okay Rule 3 After the gass is passed move quickly away from the area.But not too quickly So others won't know it's you.Love Pattee

 

[Guest]

Charlie E-mail the audio visual Love Pattee

 

[Guest]

Oh! - I'm new, and you guys have got me laughing my butt off! *guffaw* Sure helps with the stress! Happy Friday, everyone!

 

[Guest]

Hey, Pattee, isn't it kinda dangerous working on jet afterburners after eating beans? Surprised you didn't blow the planet up!

 

[Guest]

Welcome Fuzz.I try to laugh when I am miserable.I feel better now.I am glad youdo too.joe if you are reading this thread we need Classical Gas music for this tread topic.Love Pattee

 

[Guest]

Naw heykate only if you wear pantihose under your uniform to keep warm.Just in case of static electricity.When I got to lakenheath some one told me not wear them while working around jetfuel.I wasnt sure if they were joking or not.If it were true I sure would have blown up.Of course the guys farted much more than me.You know its not ladylike to fart.Giggle lol teehee.I have more fun here tonight .Love Pattee

 

[Guest]

LOL! You all are giving me a cheering up I really needed today! Thanks!I agree with the 'move away from the area quickly, but not TOO quickly' advice...I use it often in stores! haha

 

[Guest]

[This message has been edited by Barney (edited 03-30-99).]

 

[Guest]

You are all too funnyI had my own hang upsGrowing up we were never allowed to say the word 'fart'. We had to say the word flatulencs and we were instructed to go into another room if we had to pass gas. Also, we never really talked about our bathroom habits and if we had a bowel movement my moher would make us go back in and scrub the toilet with the brush. For so long I probably walked around very consipated and full of unreleased gas--no wonder my intestines are so messed up.

 

[Guest]

nesaby - is that why they call it "up-tight?"

 

[Guest]

Thanks.. that is very good and funny.

 

[Guest]

It's an oldie but still a goodie:There once was a young man named CarterWho was a magnificant farter,He could play on his assBach's "B Minor Mass"And Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata."

 

[silver]

How do you know when a woman is wearing panty hose?When she farts her ankles swell up.