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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Everyone,I have recently met a guy who is VERY understanding and caring about my IBS. In fact he has Crohn's Desease and knows exactly where I am comming from. We get along really, really well, and I love talking to him. On a mental level we really click. Also he took really good care of me a few nights ago when I had a really bad IBS attack.The only problem is I not sexually attracted to him
. Do you guys think you need that sexual attraction to persue a relationship, or is caring and personality enough. A partner who undertands IBS is rare thing.So confused... Poo Pea
 

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LOL PooPea.I tougth you had found a lover.Last year i had a post in the meeting place.I was ready to lower my "standart" since i have IBS.
 

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hmmm poopee in my opinion (and it is only mine) i really dont think there has to be an atraction, theres more to life than having good looks, i have had relationships with good looking guys (when i was single) and they were vain twats who only loved themselves..i had a relationship when i left adolph (i didnt leave adolph for this guy) and he was not the best looker but he treated me so nice and was a joy to be with and i loved the guy to bit.Now take adolph (please do) id have needed a gas mask and asbestos gloves when i met him, only kidding, he was fairly good looking but he treated me terribly...Go with your instincts,if it feels right then go for it, looks are not everything, its whats inside that counts.. good luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thata what ive been thinking, at least this guy will always understand. Maybe having IBS means you cant find everything you want in a partner and should be happy when you find one who is understanding.Relationship....... *sigh*Although I am still yet to find a man who isnt bother by a girl who passes wind. Poo Pea
 

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quote:Although I am still yet to find a man who isnt bother by a girl who passes wind.
lol.... That's so funny to me. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, and he still throw a fit everytime I fart (which is pretty frequently...) I'm immature and laugh about it....lol....But he goes nuts, and covers his face with his shirt....I think it's funny.But about your original question..... Honestly, that's a personal question that the two of you need to decide. How important is sex to both of you? Honestly, I can't imagine a long-term, serious relationship without sex. But that's just me. If you're not sexually attractive, it seems like even kissing would be awkward.....and that's one of the funnest parts of having a relationship!
And about this:
quote: Maybe having IBS means you cant find everything you want in a partner and should be happy when you find one who is understanding.
You should never "settle". If he's not right for you, it's okay. Don't try to force it. You'll both just end up heart broken in the end.None of us can tell you what do to in this situation. If it feels right, go for it! If it feels kinda funny, proceed with caution, and be ready to end it if things don't work.Good luck!
 

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Hey Poo Pea,Why have so much pressure to date this guy? Sounds like your really good friends. Its great you've found someone to talk to about the IBS nightmare. I'd just enjoy it for what it is and see what happens. Good friendship is hard to find. Don't stress yourself out about how you feel (makes IBS worse and none of us will want that!).Hope you come to a peaceful decisionSaz
 

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hi poo peawhen i first dated my boyfriend, i didnt think he was all that great looking. I mean, i thought he was cute. But when youre really in love someone (and it takes time) you think the world of them, even their looks.
 

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Sexual attraction is something that can vary a lot over the course of a relationship. There is some part that comes from immediate chemistry (and is not always a good indicator of who would make a good partner, a lot of time what peaks our hormones is not the same as what makes a good long term relationship prospect). The immediate physical chemistry part often fades over time and is part of why people start looking for a new relationship on a regular basis, that sort of thing only lasts for so long before something new is reving the hormones.There is another route to sexual attraction which has to do more with deep committed love. That is something you can grow over time. You can't be sure it will happen with any given person, but this can last for decades where they "he just trips my trigger" sort of thing fades quickly. Now many people do switch from the instant attraction to the deep and lasting love kind, but not always. Also how much instant attraction there is may not be a good indicator of whether you can develop a deeper attraction to the person.I would take it slow and see what develops over the course of time. At some point you will know if your relationship will make him attractive you you or not, and you need to find out what he wants and needs in a relationship. He may not care how attracted physically you are to him, or he might care a great deal. I agree with the "don't settle" if it really is not a relationship that fufills you as resentment and bitterness really do nothing to make the other person more attractive to you. However, it sounds like he is a good guy and as long as you are honest about where you are at the two of you should be able to take some time to find out if this is something that will grow into something great or not. There is no way to know at the start which way it will go (and again what your hormones say is good for you, may not match what makes for a great life-long love affair).K.
 

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Hi poo Pea
For me i need the sexual attraction, before i meet my hubby i went on a few dates with this great guy,the same sense of humour as me (mad) plus we had a lot in common, but i wasnt attracted to him at all.Perhaps friendship is what you should consider with this guy?Hey ibs stops us having a lot of pleasure in our lives, dont let it stop you having that 'I have got to have you now sex that comes with a relationship'
Although i will warn you after a few years of marriage with children it does become 'When can we fit sex in relationship'
Take care
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I hope this guy and I can stay friends. The reason the whole dating thing came up is because he mentioned to me that he thinks of me as more than a friend, had it not been for that, the thought would never have entered my mind. So I guess that in its self should have told me whether I would persue it or not lol.I had a chat to him adn he said he wants to try and be friends, but that it would be difficult for him because he has other feelings
I guess we can only wait and see!Thanks for all the advice everyone
Poo Pea
 

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quote:Originally posted by Poo Pea:Thata what ive been thinking, at least this guy will always understand. Maybe having IBS means you cant find everything you want in a partner and should be happy when you find one who is understanding.Relationship....... *sigh*Although I am still yet to find a man who isnt bother by a girl who passes wind. Poo Pea
I don't mind if a girl passes wind. It's totally natural.. My ex was lactose intolerant and she passed wind quite a bit but I didn't mind.
 

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I can see this turning out to be a really close friendship, but nothing more. I can tell you from first hand experience, it doesnt matter how much you like the person and how they understand you and your problem, is the attraction isnt there it wont work.
 

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I tend to disagree with the posters who think that because there isn't a sexual attraction initially, there couldn't be a relationship.I say this because I know from experience.A person a long time ago I wasn't sexually attracted to at all at first, I mean... AT ALL... became a VERY good friend of mine. I mean, we were so close. She was awesome, someone I wanted to talk to all the time. As the months passed, I started to find her more and more attractive, and really wanted to pursue a relationship with her. Problem is, she didn't want that at that time. Sometimes, after getting to know someone, those feelings can develop. Just because it's not instant, doesn't mean anything.. that's too cliche... Just like "love at first sight." A little too cliche and tired for my taste.
 

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Id have to agree with silentsufferersuffering. Just because there isnt an immediate sexual attraction doesnt mean one wouldnt develope. When I met my bf 8 months ago, I looked at him and thought he wasnt bad looking but I cant say I wanted a sexual relationship with him at the time. But we had a different chemistry. It was fun to be with him and we got along great. So I figured Id give us a chance. And well Im glad I did. Hes the best thing thats ever happened to me. Hes my knight and shinning armor. He understands my IBS(and my recent findings of a hernia). He doesnt care if I fart or burp. And he's really supportive and understanding of everything I do. We're actually moving in together in two months(in which he will basically be providing for me because he wants me to go back to school and get a job I enjoy) and have talked about buying a house, getting married, and having a family in the future(other then the moving the rest isnt set in stone but we see ourselfs together in the future).But anyways...I tend to get off topic. I wish everyone could find a person like I have. But my moral is give a things a chance, you may be surprised in what time will show.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Now what u have sounds good Mikayla, im really happy for you that uve founs someone who cares for u, and u them. The ones who understand IBS are rare indeed. Hope all goes to plan moving in together.... sounds exciting.Poo Pea
 

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I'd have to say with my guy, I wasn't immediately attracted to him sexually. I thought he was ok looking. What changed for me was spending time with him and finding that we had more and more stuff in common. We were working together and we would go to dinner together every night. I remember the first time I really felt that I had feelings for him, we were at the Conch Republic fish company on the harbor walk in Key West, FL and we spent the whole time talking about movies and laughing, never had I felt that way about someone before and from there it grew. At the time, we had to stay friends because I was the manager, he was the employee, but when he went back home, we were able to finally declare our feelings for each other and it was then I knew that I was sexually atrracted to him, now I think he's the hottest guy on the face of the planet. That attraction seems to just grow. He teases me every now and then when I fart because most of the time, they do stink, but he understands when I say "I've got to go to the bathroom" it means now, not in 30 minutes. He's warm and friendly, and a very good kisser. I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. Neither one of us went to work expecting to meet someone, but we did and now, I'm a much happier person, which I guess goes to prove that love can happen when you least expect it with whom you least expect. (Yes, if you see the two of us together, we're a bit of an odd couple).
 

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i'm a huge believer in love at first sight, although i wouldn't reduce it to just what they look like, i't can be a variety of factors. Its those moments when you see them, hear them talking, or speak to them for the first time, that something about them just blows you away. and you just know you want to be with them. you can't always put you finger on the reason why, but i think that's what makes it all the more geniune. i think, if there's not an intant attraction, no matter how nice the guy is, you'll spend the rest of your time with him trying to convince youself you like him. and in the end, some one will get hurt. trust me, i tryed the whole, great friend becomes boyfriend, and now he doesn't speak to me!from now on i'm following my heart.
 
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